Oh Boy!!! I understand, but is it that obvious.. I mean, I am single.. but this doesnt mean that my friends can take this kind of liberty with me.. Yeah rite! If they set me up on a blind date with some cool girl i wouldnt be complaining here. Nor would i be complaining if the girl I went out with said I would be the next to the last man on earth she would go out with again.. Well Atleast i am not the last man.. So i still have a chance.. :D.. See.. i am such an optimist.. And my friend.. man.. she really thinks i am a goner.. why else would she give me the book "Chicken Soup for the Single's Soul" when i asked her a week back if she had books to read and also spent about 15 minutes with her on the phone kinda complaining about life in general.

Yeah fine.. I was going through a rough patch with a few things and was stressed out and disillusioned. Dont these happen to people? Why did she think all this has to do with me being single and not enjoying life? Damn! I really am giving the wrong ideas to people i guess. To top it, I opened this book and read a couple of stories.. man.. its worse than the mills and boons you could find. Ewwww!!! Stop!!! The book is back in the cover to be returned to my friend the next time i see her..And I think Its time for me to do something about not giving such ideas to people..

"Are you a musical person?"
"Well i listen to music. I love Pink Floyd, Dire Straits, Doors, Bee Gees, FleetWood Mac, Deep Purple, Bon Jovi, Rolling Stones, U2, and a host of others and dance to Kylie Mynogue and Asejera..."
"No. thats not what i meant..do you play any instruments?"
:D "oh.. that.. Duh.. Well its a long story.. You see i always wanted to..".. There you go.. i feel exasperated whenever anyone asks me this. I probably dont have anyone but me to blame for this. I never thought about learning music when i was young. It was probably not in me anyway.

When i was in Philadelphia a few years back, i bought my first acoustic guitar and some self learning books and music notes. My housemates looked at me strangely with a look of warning in their eyes that said.. you disturb my sleep and you are dead meat. I ressassured them and made it a point to not practice whenever they were home. I practiced hard whenever i found time. I soon learnt to play Two Steps Behind by Def Leppard and a few hindi songs. However i didnt have the motivation to continue and soon the Guitar was an item decorating my living room. I havent touched a guitar for two years now.

I wonder if i still have the motivation to learn it and if i will have the time to put in the effor that is required or if it will remain just another of my dreams that never will get fulfilled. Maybe somethings are not meant to be. or maybe one day i will get the urge to follow this dream of mine and do something about it.

It finally dawned on me. Really!! I Swear!! this finally did dawn on me.

I figured out why God had to rest on the Seventh Day. The story goes like this. In you have read the Genesis, which i read some long while ago, you would remember that the first line is "In the beginning God created heaven and the Earth." and then 2 lines later God Said Let there be light and there was light.

You see, I was born on the Monday. I believe, God spent the rest of the 5 days ensuring the "perfect" me doesnt cause any problems on Earth, that he got so tired that he had to rest on the 7th day. But then As Jack Nicholsan says in the movie Witches of Eastwick, We all make mistakes.. When we make a mistake, its Evil, when God makes one.. its Nature.. :)) .. So stop blaming me.. Blame it on nature..:))

Disclaimer: this is one of my random thoughts. Just by visiting my blog you are discarding all rights to sue me in any way possible.

I started reading Richard Bach's The Bridge Across Forever.. The first time i heard of this book, i was 19 years old i guess.. I should have read it then.. the book is about this one guys search for his soulmate.. "if you ever felt alone in a world of strangers, missing someone you have never met, you'll find a message from your love in this book" thats the tag line..

I did think twice before i bought this book.. but maybe i should have thought thrice..the first two chapters and i figured out.. i am not going to read this anymore.. I dont want to know.. This guy is on the look for the perfect girl of his dreams.. man.. he is dreaming... thats for sure.. no no.. i am not being cynical.. i am just being rational.. The heart says go for the perfect girl that you had dreamed of.. but then.. do you think one could ever find such a person... the problem is the girl you think is perfect should think you are perfect.. work out the probabilities..

i am not a magi.. but is such a thing possible.. should one opt for a person whom you can live with or wait for the person whom you cant live without? I dont know the answer.. I wouldnt want to answer this now... Cos I believe everything happens for a reason and there is a time for everything.. but i do realise that reading this book wold be a folly.. I stopped reading the book for one reason.. i get too influenced by books and i dont want this another thought eating my brains at this point in my life.. nope.. not now... got too many already...

I will read this book one day.. When that day arrives, i will know and i will write about it.. Till then "The Bridge Across For Ever" is going to be in my book shelf.. waiting for the day..

I cant count the number of times i have got into trouble for speaking without thinking about what i am saying. And this problem actually gets worse when i am stressed out. People sometimes call such a thing as shooting your own feet and i guess i am very experienced at this.. actually if you look at my feet, you can see hundreds of bullet holes. :) my feet look like a seive now you know.. The worst part is , i realize the blunder immediately but then the mistake is made and the results of this mistake start coming in within due course making me more miserable than ever..

I allways have wondered why i do this...why cant i walk away from such situations without opening my stupid loud mouth.. why wouldnt i focus my energy in getting out of the stress rather than creating new troubles.. why do i end up losing it at the wrong times and at the wrong breaking point.. i try to curtail my mouth but it just doesnt seem to work. I have tried different tactics.. such as keeping quiet, or counting from 1 to 100 or drinking lots of water to ensure that my mouth doesnt do the job of talking.. but then sometimes.. my fingers do the talking via the electronic media..see. no wonder some people consider microsoft evil.. :). And at the end of it all... the road i didnt want to take would have been taken. However hard I wish i could go back to where i was before i committed the mistake i usually just cant find a way.. the forest seems to jsut grow thicker and cover up all the possible exits from the road and i am standing where i am not sure of what i must do.. All i can think of is this song called Superman by Five for Fighting

"I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
inside of me ...... inside of me

I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
I’m only a man looking for my dream
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet

It’s not easy ... It’s not easy to be me..."

But then.. i am me!!! I dont give up..so there is definitely a way out i am sure.. i just have to keep looking..most times apologies work but the damage is done.. If there is one wish i could be granted.. i would like a time machine...

Quite busy days these past ones were.. well nothing much exciting per se.. but just catching up on all the work that needs to be done and then also trying to network for the job thing.. Yesterday, I went to office at like 11:00 AM after having gone to visit this head hunter and then the Immigrations office who wanted some document to give me a PR.. yup.. me applied for PR in singapore.. lets see if they see i am fit to stay around in this country..well I get back to office and the security doesnt allow my Cab to get into the campus.. I am like.. Man.. whats wrong.. did my Professor notice my abscence and decided to chuck me out of the office.. well turns out there is going to be a fire drill soon and that i need to walk the rest of the way.. Well Fine... So off i go paying my cabby and ensuring i havent left anything behind.. . i waited the next 15 minutes cos i didnt feel like going all the way to the 4th floor.. actually i was kinda scared..what if the lift stops working midway when the fire alarm goes off and am stuck in the lift.. Well it would be cool if that hot chick from the reception were in the lift with me.. but then.. you see i cant count on my luck.:-) so decided to stay at the cafetaria instead..I guess this turned out to be the case of Not going and Not seeing is the best way of Not getting conquered, to qoute asterix.. this is so not me.. well next time i am getting in the lift.. Boy.. i am missing out.. wats wrong with me...

Finished reading the Glass Palace by Amitav Gosh.. Great book it was. very well written and takes one through the burmese history in an amazing fashion.. well it does sound like it could be made into a Hindi serial.. I also finished reading The Painted House by John Grisham.. Very non John Grishamish.. if you know what i mean.. no mob chasing a guy and FBI also chasing him like Firm, Client or Pelican brief.. Very narrative book written in first person.. and that reminds me of all the secrets that i have.. well duh.. me and secrets.. am such an open book.. cant even hide my feelings let alone keep secrets...

The best news i have this week is that i have lost 2 kilos.. thats like me am 2 kilos closer to my BMI index apparently..yeah!!!.. man.. i sound like a girl.. shucks.. well nabil and rahul.. no.. its not what you think and this has no relations to the late night drives we had in the Bois area of Paris.. :-D.. You know this weight loss thing has been going on for ages with me.. i have been on and off on keeping fit.. and now i am on again..

Gotta long day tomorrow, starting with the doctors appointment at 9:00 AM.. Cant eat anything till then cos of the blood tests...well nothing serious.. i am just going to see if few of my body parts are still around and functioning well.. i seem to be behaving kinda strange the past weeks..:-)) But before that now i gotta climb the 12 floors in my building as the night excercise before i hit the bed with Richard Bach's Bridge across forever.

my job search is not going any place now.. I met this two guys today for informational interviews and they promised to keep an eye open.. lets see if i get to hear back from them.. you know this job search is the most hardest thing that hits you..well honestly, i have made up my mind.. this is going to be my last job search.. the next time i quit a job, i am gonna have my own company.. that way i will be the sadist interviewing people.. it will be fun huh... Am i going to be the devil incarnate or what.. just wait and see... revenge is sweet..HAHAHA...

so tell me about yourself... Duh!!! What the hell is the CV for.. why cant you read it before calling me for the interview...every goddamn interviewer asks this question.. the moment you face this you know.. there it goes.. there is no right answer.. what do i say.. my life story? or how i landed up in front of him answering this dumb question.. dont u think its a ridiculous question?..

and then the next one comes.. Why this job? man...i just want the job okay... why cant u just give it to me.. how the hell am i supposed to know why this.. I have to think of so many stupid stories of how this job means the world to me and i would die if i dont get it.. and how i am building a career ladder that would lead me from here to being the next Bill Gates.. bulllllshiit.. maaan.. i am so tired of farting through my mouth.. and these interviewers.. dont they ever get tired of the stink.. what are they looking for? the best stinker that comes out..?

it goes on and on.. you know.. i have no clue how i landed my old job and then now i have to sit back and spin a story as to how i tried so hard and ran behing my old company with so much determination that they chose me..hell the way i landed my old job was nothing like that.. i just went in to this walk in examination and did well and then they called me for the interview.. i remember well cos it was the day of Princess Diana's funeral and i went to the interview and screwed it big time and walked 5 kms to my home thinking as if thats the end of my world... i couldnt solve the most simplest brain teasers they asked.. duh.. i am supposed to have brains to solve them right.. well anyway.. the interviewers probably pitied me or maybe the others were worse than me.. in any case I got an appointment order in 10 days and thats how i got the old job..

Well times change..and situations change.. and hopefully soon i will be writing the story about how i landed the next job.. and now i got to chase this stupid insect from my room..

Watched the movie The Butterfly Effect this past Thursday. not a bad movie i should say. was quite nice.. but i might have been fooled quite easily. the movie might have been nice for other reasons :) but anyway..as usual, it made me think.. would i go back and change any thing that has happenned in my life so far? What would i have liked to change in my life? Well let me see.. I have had a good life.. my shares of trials and my share of fun.. i dont know what would have been if something had been different.. All i can say.. is it would have been different but then i cant add more to this.. If i had changed something, i wouldnt be here right now writing this piece, or even probably in singapore. If i had gone back and become an archealogist as i dreamed of becoming when i was a kid, i wouldnt be having the present set of friends that i am having, but definitely a different life.. would it have been happier.. i dont know.. hell i am happy as i am.. touch wood..

Well you see.. its a tricky question.. But all in all,, i wouldnt have changed anything because i believe Everything that happens, happens for a Reason.. But come to think of it..actually i would have changed one event..I was so duh..that i didnt take the hints and ended up losing big time... hopefully only for a while... but then.. even that might be for a reason..:)

Its been a while since the last post. Life is becoming interesting in many ways. After a long time, I went on a shopping spree this saturday evening. Why? God knows.. Maybe it was because i was feeling good after watching this movie Big Fish. Amazing movie it was. Never seen a feel good movie like it in a long time and i came out with the feeling that life is indeed magical. Ok ok.. I guess I have written enough about life and magic and dreams and ambitions.. etc etc.. so i wont redo it again.. But then i was feeling so good after the movie that i decided to splurge some hard earned $$.. well if we are not earning money to spend what else is it for?

You know the perfect recipe for disaster is to combine my euphoric feeling with my compulsive obsessive shopping. Boy, I have like so many new dresses in my closet and here i was in Zara, checking out the new trends.. And after an hour of walking back and forth my bank balance was lighter by a couple of 100s. And then I decided to buy a few more t shirts and a few more bucks out..Well but the shirts are real cool..:)

Well as if this wasnt enough, I decided to spend more time in the Kinokuniya book stall in Takashimaya and I had to really take a hard stance against my heart to spend more on books now. I bought Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code which is on the top sellers list now. It seems like a good thriller.. I am sure with this name, its going to be a hollywood thriller in a few years time. I have long wanted to read Richard Bach and finally laid my hands on Jonathan Livingston Seagull and The Bridge Across For Ever. Add to this, The Glass Palace by Amitavh Gosh which is an epic set over 100 years in Burma and Malaya and The Memoirs of the Geisha.. Heck..I have tons of reading to do in the coming days.

And then as if this wasnt enough, I decided to buy a set of mugs for the house. You see I have this other compulsive disorder and that is break all things that are breakable.. My mom realised this 25 years ago and she never allowed me to touch any object that was manufactured by using compounds that are in any way related to silica. So all porcelain and glass utensils were out of my reach. however, I still used to find some use for my hands and then keeping mum about stuff for weeks until the mischief is discovered. :) Well this time around, since i moved to my new house, I have like broken about 3 glasses already..What can i do? They are breakable!!! But honestly, the things i break starts and ends with glasses and porcelain. :) Well not really.. when i was a kid i broke a guys nose with a strong punch.. that is another interesting story some other time.. havent broken any other human organ for ages now. and dont intend to!!!

Its sunday afternoon and i just decided to update this blog while taking a break from doing my job search. Long way to go with regards to a new job and earning the dollar figure that the MBA ought to have given me.. Well there is a time for everything i guess..And I have to visit the temple this evening. I havent been to one in like since weeks and its time i did.

Man.. what a long day this was.. Its the second time in a week that i have been in office until 9:30 PM working..:) Its getting to me.. I am getting too forgetful also at the same time.. like yesterday, I went into the lift and then was like standing in there for like 2 minutes wondering why the hell its taking a long time to get to the ground floor. After like ages, i realised that i hadnt even pressed the button for the ground floor.. duhhh!!! and today, i was like supposed to go down to the cafetaria for lunch and then suddenly i find myself in a cab on my way to holland village.. I honestly swear, I dont know how i got to the cab and what i was thinking then.. Boy!!!! This is getting to be scary.. Do i have a split personality disorder? Maybe.. who knows.. How do i even know that its actually me and not myself writing this blog right now?

Actually , I think this log is definitely done by the not so normal me... Cos when i look at it.. it does sound preposterously pretentious. A couple of days back, i did a google on my name to see if i get some hits.. and did i get some.. it actually was for 5 pages.. And the listings were covering all ranges.. and some were downright funny and some were infact actually ME!!! :) Well there was this one listing that was scary and i swear it was NOT Me.. Its a guy by the same name looking for someone in a personal classifieds.. now.. that is definitely not me.. trust me!!! it cannot be the split personality as well...they cant get this worse..

I am listing down all those links that google actually generated. One day down the line, when i am old, i would like to do a google once more and see if at all i have had any increases in listings to my name..hey i might get popular or infamous.. you never know.. depends on which side of the split personality comes out with flying colors. :)

This one is the website of a friend of mine. we studied together and were neighbours in our hostel. http://www.ece.cmu.edu/~girishv/fotos/bits/BITS.JPG.html

Reiya's listing of me in her selected blogs.. Thanks Reiya

The INSEAD Student Magazine.. called INSEAD Citizen. This one has a great story.. http://www.insead.edu/alumni/newsletter/january2003/INSEADCITIZENJanuary2003.pdf. The article was about our trip to Val Thorens in France where we celebrated the new years eve 2003. There was this great free for all snow ball fight in the center of the town at midnight.. Was really cool.. and there is a real cool pic of me and my friend in there

A paper that me and my group mates wrote for one of our electives at grad school. http://faculty.insead.fr/adner/Projects-Jan03/crm.pdf

And finally ofcourse.. my own little space on the web.. http://kanags.rediffblogs.com/

Cool aint it...

Its already March.. time really does travel fast..Has anybody measured the speed of time? :) Well the scientifically inclined would say its relative. But then, isnt everything in life relative to another.. Isnt "A""A" because somebody said "E" would be "E" and not "A"? Makes sense? well this is relativity in the simplest possible explanation :-) just kidding...maybe life exists in another dimension where "E" is "A" and vice versa..

There are days when you know the same 1 hour feels like ages and there are days when the 1 hour just goes by and you wish that the hour were longer. So you see, i think that time has its own speed as well.. May be we should add one more dimension called interest and feel good factor and say times speed varies according to ones interest and feel good factor. But then, whats the equation?

All right! All right!! No i am not drunk. I actually havent touched alcohol for the last two weeks.. except for the 2 of the 4 days in India, but then i was out of the current country of residence and technically should not be counted. :-) well anyways getting back to the point, this thought just flashed across my head and i thought why not write it down.. maybe this would be the turning point in my life.. and i could go on to win the nobel prize for inexplicable thoughts striking ones head...who knows.. opportunity never knocks on the door twice.. well in my case it hardly knocks once..however, i still try hard to listen to it..

hang on..hang on...somebody is knocking at my door..

well it was just my other housemate asking me if wanted to see some movie. and No, his name is not Opportunity...:-D Well anyways..if the speed of time is relative, then i must find a way to alter this speed as and when required and make interesting things last longer.. Wish i could...