There seemed to be no letting go. No one seems to care. They are all there wishing you luck and hoping that he gets the break. What else can they do? They showed him they cared this way and thats all they could do. He doesnt expect much from them anyways. It was up to him to get the break. But the tunnel seemed to go on with no end in sight and the light at the end of the tunnel seemed like a distant dream. He has enough gas to push till the end, atleast thats what he hoped. However, his will power seemed to be the issue presently. There seems to have some doubts that have crept on his minds about his ability to be a winner and get out of the tunnel. Well one could say, how long can one keep dreaming and pursuing dreams and hoping for the best when the best never seems to be within his reach anyway. He sat in the corner and started wondering aloud about the choices he has made so far and what lead him to the present situation he is in. When the choices were made, they seemed to be the right ones and they were made after much pondering. As Dumbledore says in the chamber of secrets, its not our abilities that makes us, but the choices that one makes.. How so true..

He was quite a nice guy as others would say, except when he thinks too much, maybe thats what they would write on his epitaph as well. He knew he had skills that he could use to get out of the tunnel. He had used them before and he had come through so far. However, there are certain phases in the tunnel when the demons gets to a person and presently the demons seem to rule his mind. He had the guts to go on searching for his break and longing for his dreams. What he did not have at this moment was the support system that he once used to have. No one around him who would understand his problems and be a shoulder to lean on. This weighed heavily on him sapping the will power.

He knew he cant give up. There is too much to lose by giving up. Giving up was not a word in his dictionary anyways. He has never done that in the past and never would in the future. But he is so close to that feeling of dejection and motivation seems to be running low. Enough he told himself... he had miles to go and sulking was no way helping him. He has to face the demons and win. He has no other options. Either that or giving up. He was scared of losing. Who isnt? But for him it meant a whole new way of looking at things. If he gives up without a fight , he would never forgive himself for the rest of his life. This thought was good enough to bring in some new energy. He knows what he wants, he just needs to find a way. One day when he looks back at this tunnel that he passed through, he would understand the value and the lessons he learnt.

The lonely traveller picked up his things, and started walking. He has his miles to go in search of light and he has his demons to fight.

Bad news.. yes, I am still alive. Although in the midst of one of the worst chaotic situations i have ever been with nothing but uncertainity and ambiguity surrounding me. Worse, this uncertainity seems to be sucking the life out like a dementor. EXPECTO PETRONAS!!!! Shucks.. it doesnt work.. Well aint no harry potter!

Nah. life aint bad. its just that i am in the midst of a lot of uncertainities in every front. And i have been quite busy with winding up things in my current assignment and trying to latch on to a new job. Am sure things will work out sooner or later. In the meantime, I have started looking for a new apartment here. Man, i say, its not an easy excercise..I guess it will be a while before i will get back online..

Did it.. Finally... yes...i crossed the rubicon.. What? havent guessed yet.. I just got myself a cool tatoo on my left arm. of course the credit doesnt entirely go to me. I did get the final shove from you know who. no not Voldemort aka Tom Riddle. BTW.. saw Harry Potter Part III..such a disappointment it was..

Coming back to the point, after choosing the design that i wanted to be tattooed, on which we spent like atleast 20 minutes parsing through a bunch of designs, i was having double minds. But there were three reasons i didnt chicken out this time. First, of course i had already coughed up the $$.. of course, the management gurus would say its sunk cost blah blah.. but still its $$.. secondly, though the stories of horror that you know who was repeating in my ears were although driving me a little to the "run away.. run away if u want to survive" tune, i decided i have to be strong and take charge and show who the master is.. come on. man.. i have this much guts.. And of course finally, i knew if i leave now, i would never get my arse in there again.. so its now...

Well the artist, cleaned my arm and asked me to relax.. relax.. damn.. how the hell do i when i am having something imprinted on my body thats gonna go with me to the grave? Well he applied all kinds of stuff.. and then showed me like a 7 inch needle.. Man!! i though the needle would be smaller.. shucks.. i am gonna die.. Well he then put it into a machine and there was only a 2mm of the needle jutting out which made me relax a bit. Then it started.. Whrrrr.....Ouch!!!.. it pains..shucks.. it did u know and u could see some blood being wiped away by this guy with cotton.. Well it went on for an hour.. Finally it was done.. and after getting further instructions for how to take care of my arm for the next few days we left the place.. me taking my first steps towards the bad guy image.. of course i need to build up some muscles and probably shave my hair, get some piercings and color my eye brows red..lol.. just kidding...

Last night, i decided to wash this really cool shirt that i have, or should i say "had". The shirt had some dark red stains on it.. thanks to the dinner the night before when i dropped a curry filled spoon on my shirt. I wasnt sure how i was going to remove these stains when i found a bottle that said Stain Remover in bold Arial Font i believe, size atleast 16 in Red color. I should have known better to read the fine print which incidentally is in times new roman.. size 8 or maybe 6 and in grey color on a white background.. I should have known.. but then if i had, i wouldnt be writing about this here. So basically i didnt read the fine print..

This shirt of mine i had purchased just about a year ago in the Zara showroom on champs ellysses, Paris. It was aquamarine blue with black stripes that go sideways. It really looks cool under the disco lights in the bars and clubs. I took this stain remover and applied a small amount on the stains in a couple of places.. The next few seconds told me that i had just started the slow and painful death of my cool shirt.. I could see the blue turning to white slowly and the white circle's surface area increasing. Man!!!. what the hell.. I was left with the shirt with three white polka dots no.. polka circles of 1 inch diameter each

And then, I read the fine print.. it says BLEACH... Damn it!!.. Couldnt they have written this in bold font 18.. so what do i do with this shirt?. I thought for a while and then decided to create more white polka circles on one side. maybe it would look cool and it might be the next item on the cat walk.. hell, i could be the next georgio armani.. imagine a collection called Kanags'.. maybe this was my destiny and this was the road to riches.. Well all i was left was rags... Yeah.. I tried the polka circles.. I wouldnt want to describe how that looked.. Not a good idea.. that much i could see..

Right now, the shirt is soaking in a solution of 3 litres water and 3 cups bleach. Hopefully, I would have a pale white shirt with black stripes on it instead of the aquamarine one.. So ends the saga of the aquamarine shirt with black stripes and here in begins the saga of the white shirt with the black stripes..

Yeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!! Good news is really a kick start to a brand new month. Well no, I dont have the new job yet. This is much more. Fate, Providence, Luck, whatever you call it i seem to have that on my side in this one for sure. Not that it lets me down when it matters the most, thats a different story altogether.

My parents are the traditional indian folks who believe in this astrology, horo(r)scope and birth chart (to my dear friend from the middle east.. please note its not a butt chart but a birth chart!!! and dont ask me which one i prefer). Each time i call up home and when my mom senses my depressed mood which is not too tough for anyone to sense cos am such a stupid open book, but then moms are moms, they do have this sixth sense when it comes to such things. Anyway, she would tell me that my stars are not in the right position.. god knows where and why they are not.. what the hell did i do to them? Why cant they just stick to the position that is good for me? huh!! Well it always happens that the stars are not in a good position or if its not the stars, its the moon or the sun or the 9 other planets that are supposed to influence me. Whatever!!!

I must admit that i believe in creating a fate for myself but then, as they say everything happens for a reason. so maybe the stars not being in a good position is for a reason. Or maybe they are in a good position but these astrologers dont know that they are where i want them to be.. who knows? I admit, i do listen to what these guys say, but am not a die hard fanatic. For instance, they asked me to stay away from water bodies cos apparently its not a good element this few months.. Well if thats how i am supposed to be alive, i would rather not go diving this six months. I do consult them to see if there are auspicious times.. i mean in hinduism such paganistic things are part of the rituals and it helps me psychologically. So you see its a win win situation when it comes to such things..but letting them rule the way your life goes is something unimaginable and i wouldnt dream of letting that happen. no way!

Coming back to the point, my mom apparently took my birth chart to a "renowned" astrologer. I was like "man.. this is bad news.." cos last time they did this, they almost got me married. That was 3 years ago, when some stupid soothsayer who is also supposedly "renowned" said that the time is good for me to marry and that if i dont get married now, i might find someone on my own.. Lo and behold.. I am sure what my parents would have gone through.. what if this guy comes home with some blonde.. As if!!!! They seem to over estimate my talents in this regard i guess. well parents are like that arent they... It was like a bollywood movie in real life.. I had called up home one evening and my dad tells me that he has a family friend who has a girl who is nice and cute and blah blah.. and i went dumb from shock.. pale white is what my housemates described me when they saw me later that evening sipping on a glass of vodka. Well the stars favoured me and i escaped unhurt that time. I was just totally worried this time around cos i could feel the noose tightening on my neck and this time i would probably have no justifiable escape routes except saying a BIG NO..

Well the stars did favour me this time around as well.. and it seems he said that the time is not right for my marriage, not until the next two years.. Man!!! This is Absolutely Great News.. Now this will keep my folks off my back for quite a while. Whew!!! Thank you stars!!!