Its quite surprising how scenarious change and life gets to change tracks and speed in a matter of minutes. Seconds, is all it takes for a change to take effect. As in the movie Big Fish, things come to a standstill for the moment and then when one realises the impact of the change, time choses either to fly fast or slow depending on the change and how one reacts to it. Nothing philosophical, just an observation and a reference for myself. If and when i look at this blog years from now, it would help me relive certain moments and aid in moving on.

As i say, everything happens for a reason and this has a reason as well, i am sure. What the reason is i dont know, but maybe it would hit me at the right time when i am supposed to know.

Meanwhile, the job search scene is as bleak as ever. A few interviews here and there, just waiting for this change to make an effect. I have long needed a break and since the career break is not in sight for now, I have decided to take a break from the life in singapore. I am off for a 5 day holiday to Malaysian borneo to live a few days in the tropical forests and by the sea and even check out if its possible to climb the Mt. Kinabalu which incidentally is the highest mountain between Burma and Australia at 4093 meters. Hopefully i will get some place :)

Will be back August 4th.

An optimist. Am i?

On the surface seems like a very simple question that has a black and white answer. When one looks into the details, its not so easy. Tell me, how easy is it to remain positive when the past experiences one has are quite bleak. There are numerous examples one can take from ones own life or from ones friends. You put your trust in something or someone only to see it broken. The environement you are in seems to be where being positive is something that doesnt lead anywhere. Everything you do seems to be leading to another fall. What do you do?

I have been through tough times where things seem to work out and fail at the last minute. who do you blame? Do we take these as what the world is and not give chance another chance? I was talking to a friend of mine who is going through a tough time himself and he seemed to have given up on everything. All he sees around him is failiure and he is just down. I know, maybe i am not the right person to advise him cos i have been through and am going through one myself, but being positive is what makes the entire experience worth it. If we end up feeling let down or feeling like loser, i dont see any way in getting out of it. Every new situation is different and i think we have to give each new situation a different chance, albeit, i am not saying one shouldnt be cautious. But being negative one actually screws up the chance that is being given.

Optimism is an easy word to spell, but living it is tough. But i guess, in the end it is worth living it, cos there is a tomorrow which might be better than today, just might..

The Endless search continues.. Its getting to be fun being jobless.. i mean.. i can get up at anytime i want, sleep anytime i want., do watever i want.. the only aspect i dare not do is check my bank balance :D..

I have probably sent my CV around like to 300 companies. I dont really have a count. If i had printed all those CVs and laid it in a straight line, it probably would have circumnavigated the earth.. man.. what a waste of paper. The art of writing a CV is definitely something one should possess. I guess i do have that cos most people who have seen my CV have said its impressive. Now there might be two meanings to this. Either they dont want me to feel more depressed and want to be a good samaritan or they probably have seen worse CVs.. in any case,nothing to cheer about.

Just the other day, i was paining this friend of mine to give her friend a call and recommend me. I was stunned when the caller on the other side responded with .."oh Kanags!. I have his CV already..." Man.. how is that possible, i didnt send it to him.. And then i spent some time digging out what happenned.. Apparently, my other acquaintance had forwarded my CV to person X who had sent it to person Y and it finally reached the target person and i didnt even know about it. and I was thinking i had full control over my job search..

Well anyways, since i am jobless, i decided to give myself a job and hence am starting a sole proprietorship. What would this company do is anybody's guess. That is a second problem that i have to deal with.. I will keep you posted on what i intend to do with this company soon.. :))

"I am sorry , i have been an ass.." Well how many times have i said this sometimes i wonder if i would ever stop making mistakes. But this time i am apologizing to myself. Its been two days since i left my previous job. A good one it was but i wanted to move on. Once the thought of moving on comes to my head, i just cant put my full effort into it anyways. so it was for good. Now i am in for a tumultous period for the next couple of months. However, i have managed to kick myself out of the blues. Its quite hard to live life when one is those stupid state of blues. I must mention that i did get support from various quarters and thanks. These are the moments when it matters to learn that people care.

Yesterday, i got pissed off with this interview i was attending. I mean, i am looking for a job not a stupid do everything and get nothing offer. I was taken back by the audacity of the offer. Well so be it. I decided to tell them to get lost and i was particularly pissed off with life. However, as always, I get signs from unexpected quarters and yesterday i chanced to listen to this song by The Calling. The song was Our lives.

"Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Because these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives"

Very true isnt it.. And here i was, not living today, feeling screwed up and waiting for tomorrow. I mean, If i am not going to live the 27th year, 323rd day of my life today, when am i going to live it. I am so much better off than so many people out there. i have so many things to thank for and so many things to dream about and work towards. These dreams would become a reality if I live today and work for making them happen rather than getting in to the blues and worrying that nothings gonna happen. So there you go folks.. am back to my self..