Sometimes life seems like it has come to a standstill. It is like you are kinda like a car stuck in mud. The more you try to rev up, the more deeper the wheels sink in the mud. And you sit down and wonder what the hell you did that got you in this slimy mudhole in the first place. And other times, life tends to move in such high speeds that you seem to be like a tape in the fast forward mode. right now, I am in the fast forward mode.

It reminds me of the roadside hoardings back in India that say Speed Kills or the one in singapore that says Speeding Overturns lives. Well I wonder if they are all applicable to this scenario. Man, things are moving so fast with work that i am running hard to catch up with it.

Time is something that i had lots in hand the past one year. Nowadays, I just dont seem to have time to just sit and chill at home. Well its not all work definitely, but something or the other seems to be happening and i am out doing something fun. Like last weekend, met up with some long lost pals from my insead days and this weekend, it was the turn of some bitsian pals and my getting drunk in new asia bar last night was another story..

And I have tons of travelling to do this year. Have to plan them and book tickets. confirmed travel to Bali end of April. In September will hit london for 2-3 days. Going to be in San Fransisco in October and plan to be in India for Diwali. That will be a long trip. Will also have to travel to Pakistan and Delhi on work.. i am taking over as the new peacemaker... yeah rite!! imagine that.

Yaaay!!!! I am almost famous!!! No really.. Take a look at the new book Managing Businss in Asia : Entrepreneurship by Chris Boulton and Professor Patrick Turner of INSEAD. Apart from a bunch of INSEAD Graduates who have become entrepreneurs you will find the one and only moi mentioned in the last page as a budding entrepreneur!!! and very importantly u will find Kanags Surendran listed in the index as well :p

man..whether my venture is successful or not, atleast a bunch of people will have known my wierd name.

btw.. Working my butt off but its fun!!!

When it comes to irrational behaviour, I guess i have not learnt from my past mistakes. Even though i tell myself this wont happen next time, i somehow end up making the same mistake. Well maybe thats why they term it irrational behaviour, however hard you try to rationalise it. You know what i am talking about. The first time i made such a collosal error that ended up screwing my head for 6 or more months was in the last year of my college life. When you look back at those days, you cant but imagine how immature i was. Not that i am any better now, but definitely 8 years should have definitely bought in some changes in the way my brain processes information, apart from the receding hairline, atleast i tend to believe that. Thats what they call experience i guess, the brain building new networks to process information better.

Anyways, the undergrad years were really immature. Looking back, you cant help but laugh at the follies of the immature heart trying its best to win over another. It was not fun then. everytime you see the girl of your dreams, you tend to go up singing alongside Rajesh Khanna all the way up to Darjeeling. I dont remember if i ever had read that book by Alistair Maclain that Sharmila Tagore was holding during that song in Aradhana. And the best part was, the girl of your dreams used to change with every new batch that joins the college. Well, i tried and i tried, but i get no satisfaction.. sing to the tune of the song by rolling stones.. I still remember the first time i actually asked a girl out.. It was a bet made by my friends that i didnt have the guts to ask a girl out. Well those of you who knew the india of early 90s, especially those who grew up in the middle class, in those years prior to the cable tv revolution which taught a hell a lot to those guys 4 years our juniors that the generation gap between us and them was more like 15 years will understand the scenario. Anyways, i did ask this girl out, but my negotiation skills were so poor then. I should have bet on the my asking the girl out and not on the results.. Anyways, i had to cough up my dads hard earned money in paying for the dinner to my friends since i didnt get the girl out on a date. Things changed then on.. Atleast i didnt lose any more bets and although i did ask girls out, those dates were hardly romantically inclined until my 3rd year.

I fell head over heels with this cutie in school and days were spent on contemplating song and imagining yourself to be the hero in dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge.. yeah it was 1996.. man, those days were fun.. i still remember my friends recording all my blabberings when i got drunk one evening. Anyways, it started off well, but then the immaturity did play a huge role in sinking that ship.. Looking back, i doubt if that ship ever sailed. you know, the girls are very good at giving confusing signals and we guys are so damn good at reading it absolutely the wrong way. guess we are just wired up that way.

Anyways, stayed away from the irrational behaviour for ages after that. no, not the fear of rejection, but it took me about a year to get over the first mistake. i told u i was immature. And life got busy with working 15 hour days and pubbing and trying to lose the weight gained drinking beer, staying away from my parents who were busy trying to get me hooked up, trying hard to get into an mba, getting into an mba, trying hard to get a job and the usual life's tricks. Man, cant imagine i never even thought of asking any girl out, let alone falling in love during those 5 years. Guess it was a long sabbatical..

Singapore changed that.. Irrationality caught up. comeon it was lying dormant for 5 years and it had a lot of work to catch up on. Cant blame it can you? Well it just happened to happen as all things do. and it ended as all things do.. To quote her, nothing lasts for ever.. which is kinda true anyway. And my life was going nowhere with my career in doldrums.. End result, you find a cynical me emerging.. I have become quite cynical you know.. I never thought i could ever be cynical. my friends would hardly believe that that part of me could ever exist. Even I didnt, but i realised it does. And hey, thats part of growing up right..especially when you are kinda caught in your quarterlife crisis. you dont know where u are headed, what you are doing, if thats the right thing etc.. and you start to read all kinds of crazy books and try to be a philosopher trying to create a new paradigm.. Hell i could be the next Ayn Rand you know, forget the fact that she spent the last years of her life in an asylum, i probably might spend the rest of mine there anyway.

I had told myself, i had better things to do in life than making any further irrational mistakes and what do i do, the next year dawns and i ask someone out on the second day of the year. Well atleast i didnt make a resolution that i wont on new years eve. And What am i doing writing about my irrational behaviour and follies the third month of the year.. Well you should have guessed by now.. I think its time I stopped the irrational behaviour from recurring... Yeah rite, knowing me, i would be making a similar post in the next couple of months..:-) Some things never change and some people never learn.. do they?

Finally, I played a 9-hole round of golf this saturday. Actually, i finally purchased a set of golf clubs for 400 bucks last week and decided its time to hit the golf course. So this saturday morning joined my friend and hit the local 9 hole golf course. The end result, a bad play and 6 lost balls.. but it was fun..

Tee off.. the pressure is on you to perform because u have a bunch of guys waiting behind you to tee off. The first hole was a par 5 and difficulty index of 14 i think. Well, as the index goes lower, the hole is tougher. Anyways, first swing with a 1 iron and i was hoping the ball will fly over the hill on to the otehr side of the fairway and all it did was pop a 100 meters down.. Shiit!!!.. Well it took me 2 more shots to clear this side of the fairway and 2 more to reach the green. But surprisingly i putted well and got 4 over for this hole. And so it went. Hole 2 cost me 2 balls. Lost them in the ponds. Hole 5 cost me another. God knows where the ball went. The best part of the round was the hole 6 which was a Par 3. One drive with the number 3 driver and i was on the green. i almost got a Par chance but screwd the putt and got a 1 over. Well that was my best hole of the day. Hole 7 and 8 cost me 2 more balls.. And I didnt finish hole 9 because i lost the last ball i had somewhere and i could find it :)

All in all , irrespective of the lost balls, i finally hit the course and had a good time. Just need to learn to relax at the course.. Got to hit the driving range though. need to practice a lot with the woods.