homeward bound

one very good thing about staying in singapore is the fact that it is so much easier to travel home. i still remember 2001 when i had come back to mangalore so i can be back home for diwali only for my client to have an emergency and me having to cut short my trip one day before diwali to fly to the usa to take over from my colleague. my parents were quite upset of course no doubt and i was quite sad but then hey sometimes shit happens.

hopefully this time around, nothing in my startup would go for a toss and i can have that 2 weeks with my folks. strange it may seem for a 30 year old but i miss home and i have never lived with my parents since i was 16. long time isnt it.. maybe things might work out and i can be with them or they come over to be with me in singapore. well my indian psyche hasnt changed even though have spent so many days outside home.. when it comes to such things i am still traditional as they say.. nah, no excuses, its just me...

well have spent enough time this morning googling, wikipeding, orkuting, blogging etc.. have to do my japanese homework for tomorrows lessons and have to prepare curry for tonights potluck sheesha and cranium session at my friends place..

adios...

dreams...

i am tired of dreams, am not speaking metaphorically.. i mean literally i am tired of dreams. last night was a real bad one.. i did not go out partying because i wanted to have a good nites rest but what do i get, a whole night of dreams which screwed up my sleep and at the end of the it i decided to just get out of bed to stop dreaming..

people say, you dont remember your dreams, but i very clearly do remember what i dreamt about last night. it is very strange and it is still there in my head running around like a broken tape in the background. i just dont understand this! Is this what happens when what you are dreaming about is something u need a closure on? I dunno.. i need a break and i need to stop thinking about what i dreamt but i dunno how.

Regrets

Somebody asked me if i regret anything that has happenned thus far in my life. Well am not sure if this question was rhetoric or if it really meant had i regretted any aspect.

At that point, i said the usual big words, "nah, no regrets at the way my life has turned out". it has kind of become a fad to say that statement. but come on, i am sure although each person is happy about how their life has turned out, there always is regrets. If i would look at it from one perspective yeah i am happy the way life has turned out. i mean, why wouldnt i be, i started somewhere was an obsure individual, well am still obscure, but then am happy, so i can say no regrets. I can say this because for sure i dont know what would have happenned if life had taken a different course from what it took with me.

But this question made me think. What all incidents in my life were major turning points, where if i had made a different choice i would have ended up someplace else and would i be happy then? maybe maybe not. what all incidents in my life were those that i rather forget cos i screwed up big time and if they hadnt happenned what else could have been?

Looking back at my life, i do realise there are events that i regret having happenned, well i am sure everyone has their share of these events but these events for me are what i regret. I regret having hurt others, i regret having acted wierd at times, i regret some words i spoke, i regret those bad days when i have lost my tempers, i regret not having apologised to some of the persons who were involved in all the above. those are regrets and i dont think i would ever get a chance again to set things straight there and that i regret.

but if u ask me if i there are any regrets as to how my life has turned out, well no. there is no time to regret how life has turned out especially when you are happy about how it has turned out, and no point regretting some decisions that I have made that has taken me where i am.

well now i have to leave to meet a friend at the airport or i am going to regret having spent too much time on this blog and missing him.