And Miles To Go Before I Sleep

long time no see

2008-07-13T22:10:00.002+08:00

well i have really ignored this space for a long time and i think i need to be kicked in my bums for doing that. Before you guys queue up in front of my cabin or my home for taking turns, i must warn you, i didnt literally mean that. so now, what the f*** have i been doing for the past 6 months. Well, my life has turned topsy turvy, and this i mean literally!

for starters, as most of you who read this blog know, i have moved to india and started living in chennai. That was change number 1. And then i decided that i need to drive and bought a car and i have now learned the art of driving in Chennai.. (touch wood!!!), that was change number 2. And the most important change, my parents and my sister moved in with me.. And this was man, you wont realise, was toughest cha(llen)ge of them all.. i have not lived with them for the past 15 years and when they moved in, i was not sure how i am gonna manage.. it is not that i dont love them and i dont want them around, but it was a change, a real tough one cos i had lived all by myself and my rules for quite a while and now you had like 3 personalities more to deal with.

Man, what a roller coaster this was!! having to come home cos your mom is saying awake waiting to open the door, making sure you are not too drunk ;), calling up home in case you are gonna be late and explaining why.. these were things one takes for granted when staying alone.. guess my parents moving in is like a stepping stone to the next big thing these guys are planning.. yeah they want to get me married and are posting my photos and resumes and my life history in every goddamn marriage proposal site and office there is. I will talk about this in another blog.. this needs a lot more time and words

while i do miss the total free life i had, the fact that i had no one else who will wrest control of the tv remote from me, the fact that i could see what i wanted on tv, eat what i wanted, go out where i wanted when i wanted, with no questions.. i think this is a change i had to go through.. atleast nowadays, i get to take mom's home cooked food for lunch in the hot box everyd ay, eat fresh cooked dosas and coconut chutney when i want, even though i now have lost total control of the tv remote, have to call in and tell what time i would be home, where i am and what i am doing, and why they hear those girly noises in the background.. i think it is worth it.

p.s: i can smell hot appams.. so c ya laters..

the road not taken

2007-12-13T23:29:00.000+08:00

When i read this poem by Robert Frost, i never even imagined that one day it would be a title for a blog post that would be describing my experience in driving in India.

but seriously, it really is a road that i have never taken. You see, i got my drivers license in india, mangalore to be precise, 10 years back. and i drove in mangalore when i was learning to drive with my driving instructor.

after that, never drove in this country of mine where driving is more of an art than a science. and now, after driving in countries where people follow rules, to drive in chennai is like really a road not taken!!!

when i started last evening, i was constantly watching all 3 mirrors, sitting at the edge of my seat trying to figure out where my car starts and ends and like sweating so much with my ac on that i was drenched when i reached home.

this morning i learnt my first lesson, mirrors are not for indians.. so there u go.. stopped looking at them. I put my music full blast on, wear my seat belt (habit!!!) and then go straight and honk enough to get the guy in front of me to let me pass and ignore the honks i get at the back.. that seems to work.. so there u go.. the road not taken is not that bad after all.. but i think its gonna take me a while to get used to driving in this chaos.

There and back again...

2007-12-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

no, i am not bilbo baggins and although i have a great resemblance to gollum and have a great liking for his character, i didnt go in search of the one ring. i am writing about my recently concluded trip to singapore. it was a trip with a lot of mixed feelings. I used to tell my friends back in singapore when i used to live there that when i fly into changi airport and drive home, it felt like u know returning home, but this time, that feeling was missing. i did feel good and happy meeting all my friends and partying till 4:30 am on saturday night, felt good to sit by the river and have brunch with a beer at brewerkz and of course the thai food and the chicken rice etc etc, but it didnt feel like home.

it is quite strange how your affiliations change in such a short time span. anyways, was a good trip and used it to tie a few open ends.

now, back and unpacking my stuff and need to get some nails and hammer to start mounting my masks, and other collectibles and have to buy a dining table, a really large book case, a nice CD/dvd storage shelf, a show case for my collection of glasses and a storing shelf for the kitchen, and yeah a couple of bean bags until my dad transfers over the sofa set.

oh btw, i should be getting my maruti swift this wednesday and so looking forward to driving.. need to figure out a name for my car.. wonder what i should call her.

Mr. Bridget Jones

2007-11-30T00:42:00.000+08:00

Well no, i am not going to write about stones and pounds and girlfriends, if for anything else, the reason being i honestly dont know what i weigh in stones and pounds, and i am no good to land a girlfriend :p. i use too much of my head for my own good or bad. the perspective is upto you..

it has been a month since i got on here to write. been a crazy month. settling down at my new apartment. mom, dad and sis visiting me for diwali. it was really nice for a change when your folks visit you rather than you them. made a quick trip to palghat to see my granma and then ofcourse the routine of waking up, bargaining with the rick guy, going to work getting immersed, coming back, watching tv, reading some books/the morning paper and then chatting with sis and hitting the bed. hell life has to be little more interesting than that and well all is not that bad..

have a new project in my life.. courtesty ofcourse mom and dad and i knew this when i came back to india. they are not gonna let me stay single for long but then i didnt expect they would start so soon , but then life hardly happens as u plan.. so in the pretext of helping mom and dad with finding me a bride, i am visiting all the online matrimonials.. and the ****head that i am, i created my profile with the name "prenup".. it did sound funny when i created it but most of the friends of mine from the fairer sex seem to disagree with me about the humor behind this.. hey come on gals u cant be too serious about such things.. i swear i dont intend to ask for one.. me not that kind anyway.

well, right when i was thinking it has been 4 months since i traveled, lo and behold, i was asked by my boss to travel to singapore on some work and so am off tomorrow. looking forward to meeting my pals and play a round of articulate and cranium.

when i get back, i will write about the "pain of waiting for a car to be delivered in india".. till then adios amigos

Autorickshaw Wars

2007-10-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

If George Lucas were to make Star Wars again, he defn would need to visit India and take a look at the three wheelers. he could have got some new ideas on how to take some of his chase sequences and action shots of one of those space crafts flying between the asteroids.

Man, its a gamble every day i swear. It all starts with the moment you flag down a auto. The first thing is you have to tell him where you want to go and the auto guy will take a minute to think about it - i guess his brain must be going, i am god for the moment should i say yes or should i say no. and by the time he is thinking, he is actually sizing you up. some guys would ask dumb questions such as oh is that place near this building A or B or watever. What he is doing is figuring out if this guy who is talking to his is a sucker or not, if he is well dressed, then light bulb goes on!! damn, this guy must be an IT guy. so can fleece him or watever.. so after like a time of heightened anxiety he finally acquiesces. Thank you your highness!!! i tell myself.. but wait.. its not over yet.. now comes the hard part.. the bargaining.

The guys have a going rate which is their cut off and usually its about 20 Rs over the actual meter , that is if you ever get to see an actual meter that is not tampered with and by some divine grace of God, you ever get a a auto wallah actually deciding to use the meter and getting paid by it. So you see the chances of that happening are quite remote. Well going back to bargaining, see even though most autos have meters and most of them have the supposedly untamperable electronic meters, ( i doubt it.. some IT guy might start a venture on the side selling code to actually make the meter tick a little faster) its always better to fix a rate cos you never know what these guys will pull you into post the ride. i remember 10 years back when i took a auto and decide the rate as 50 RS (its ambathu rupees in tamil) and post the ride this guy started saying it was 80 Rs(embathu rupees.. dont ask me which idiotic guy had the brains to have such close sounding phoenetics for the language but that something u have to live with). well anyway, i took that guy to the cops and made him pay. Coming back to bargaining.. u see u have to fix the rate and the rate is based on a lot of factors.. refer back to sizing you up.. so it might start from 2 to 2.5 times the actual meter fare and you have to bargain it down..

the good thing is if the auto guy realizes you know what you are talking about, then they come down from the pedastal they are in and then its a ride .. the third part of the gamble. else its like, this guy rides away and you start afresh with the next guy in pipeline. The good thing is the pipeline is quite strong.

Well once you get in the auto, the ride of your life starts.. man its crazy, the weaving, the speed, the sudden brakes, and the U turns, the squeezing in between vehicles where you thought even an ant cant get in.. and by the time he stops at your destination, your gaurdian angel would have had a heart attack.

I keep a separate pack of hypertension tablets in my bag for my gaurdian angel and keep hoping the angel doesnt give up on me and walk away.. just a few more weeks for my car..

I am back!!!

2007-10-26T01:08:00.001+08:00

Well i wanted to say it in the style of Arnold Swazzernagger(sic!!) (or Shivashankarnair as the mallus would like to call), but then i remembered, i am 1 feet shorter, have lost all the muscle mass i gained since i stopped gymming like a year back, have put on a small tummy thanks to my periamma's curd rice and mom's food over the past 3 months and also i dun have my Honda Phantom anymore.. :((( - i had to sell it ...

In short.. i quit my old job, moved in with my parents in hyderabad..(luckily my dad didnt call me dandachoru :-)) well before i could give him a reason, while trying to decide between should i join a friend and start a firm or start discussions with a few companies i had contacted, i had one of the most luckiest breaks ever.

Power of Networking - i guess this would be a perfect example. Got in touch with a friend/batchmate of my friend/insead alumnus and lo and behold, i get a call from my current big boss.. end of the day, i landed my new job within one month of my quitting my old one. So now in chennai, joined my new role, found a new apartment, got a new TV and other stuff, and waiting for my maruti swift and my luggage to arrive from singapore.

What a year it has been.. Well, lets see, i last wrote in this space in May 2007. I stopped regular posting almost an year to the month if i am not mistaken.

It was one of those f***king long years that one wishes one never had. Well on the flip side, one always says there are people worse off. Well of course there are people worse off but then that does not mean i have to be worse than what the ideal state should be , should i? :) hell why talk about that.. it was a down trip through out the year.. one of the worst times personally and professionally.. imagine a life if you are not happy both at home and at work.. man, i swear, no one should experience this shit i went through.. not worth it..

Well i just wanted to jot down the last 12 months in one post and close this chapter of my life. After all, if I should not just do lip service to rudyard kipling's words.

If...

2007-05-14T11:11:00.000+08:00

Reading this poem by Rudyard Kipling has never failed to impress upon me the values he talks about. This is one poem i turn to when it is the darkest of times, when i am faced with challenges that seem to pin you down, when i need hope!!!

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

ultimately, u know, i have come to realise, we all live on too much Ifs and not now! and i have been doing that for a while now.. living on Ifs.. its time i started posting on this blog again.. and its time i started living again... after all life is what happens when you are busy planning (as per john lennon) and life is what is happening when you are busy figuring out what went wrong (as per me)...

life must go on..

2007-03-06T18:35:00.000+08:00

and it does after a while...

i know it has been 4 months plus since i signed on here. most of you who visit this space regularly did ask me and thats good to know that people do care.

anyways, you know i thought life had thrown enough surprises at me and right when you think you have probably taken enough, someone roles a dice and decides man, this guy probably hasnt had enough, stick it a little more up you know where.. and voila.. u get more.

been through some of the difficult times of my life the past few months. something very personal that i cant even pen it down here. still unresolved, but then life must go on.. it has taken me quite a while to get back to accepting things and although things wont be the same again, they never are really ever, life must go on.. and it does whether i like it or not.

homeward bound

2006-10-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

one very good thing about staying in singapore is the fact that it is so much easier to travel home. i still remember 2001 when i had come back to mangalore so i can be back home for diwali only for my client to have an emergency and me having to cut short my trip one day before diwali to fly to the usa to take over from my colleague. my parents were quite upset of course no doubt and i was quite sad but then hey sometimes shit happens.

hopefully this time around, nothing in my startup would go for a toss and i can have that 2 weeks with my folks. strange it may seem for a 30 year old but i miss home and i have never lived with my parents since i was 16. long time isnt it.. maybe things might work out and i can be with them or they come over to be with me in singapore. well my indian psyche hasnt changed even though have spent so many days outside home.. when it comes to such things i am still traditional as they say.. nah, no excuses, its just me...

well have spent enough time this morning googling, wikipeding, orkuting, blogging etc.. have to do my japanese homework for tomorrows lessons and have to prepare curry for tonights potluck sheesha and cranium session at my friends place..

adios...

dreams...

2006-10-14T12:39:00.001+08:00

i am tired of dreams, am not speaking metaphorically.. i mean literally i am tired of dreams. last night was a real bad one.. i did not go out partying because i wanted to have a good nites rest but what do i get, a whole night of dreams which screwed up my sleep and at the end of the it i decided to just get out of bed to stop dreaming..

people say, you dont remember your dreams, but i very clearly do remember what i dreamt about last night. it is very strange and it is still there in my head running around like a broken tape in the background. i just dont understand this! Is this what happens when what you are dreaming about is something u need a closure on? I dunno.. i need a break and i need to stop thinking about what i dreamt but i dunno how.

Regrets

2006-10-04T21:26:00.000+08:00

Somebody asked me if i regret anything that has happenned thus far in my life. Well am not sure if this question was rhetoric or if it really meant had i regretted any aspect.

At that point, i said the usual big words, "nah, no regrets at the way my life has turned out". it has kind of become a fad to say that statement. but come on, i am sure although each person is happy about how their life has turned out, there always is regrets. If i would look at it from one perspective yeah i am happy the way life has turned out. i mean, why wouldnt i be, i started somewhere was an obsure individual, well am still obscure, but then am happy, so i can say no regrets. I can say this because for sure i dont know what would have happenned if life had taken a different course from what it took with me.

But this question made me think. What all incidents in my life were major turning points, where if i had made a different choice i would have ended up someplace else and would i be happy then? maybe maybe not. what all incidents in my life were those that i rather forget cos i screwed up big time and if they hadnt happenned what else could have been?

Looking back at my life, i do realise there are events that i regret having happenned, well i am sure everyone has their share of these events but these events for me are what i regret. I regret having hurt others, i regret having acted wierd at times, i regret some words i spoke, i regret those bad days when i have lost my tempers, i regret not having apologised to some of the persons who were involved in all the above. those are regrets and i dont think i would ever get a chance again to set things straight there and that i regret.

but if u ask me if i there are any regrets as to how my life has turned out, well no. there is no time to regret how life has turned out especially when you are happy about how it has turned out, and no point regretting some decisions that I have made that has taken me where i am.

well now i have to leave to meet a friend at the airport or i am going to regret having spent too much time on this blog and missing him.

U2 and Me too

2006-09-29T15:39:00.000+08:00

Well my favourite band is playing in Tokyo, my latest favourite place on november the 29th. I just booked my tickets to Tokyo. Tokyo here i come again.

nihongu

2006-09-25T23:32:00.000+08:00

The biggest problem in learning a new language is not having anyone to practice the language. man, i started learning japanese and its actually not that tough, but i defn need to find someone to practice speaking. maybe i shud just find that japanese chick in singapore after all ;) rite.. as though they are just waiting for me to just walk down and pick them up.

The neighbors

2006-09-21T22:36:00.000+08:00

Well i never ever imagined in my wildest dreams that i would ever get a chance to visit Pakistan. When i joined my present company 18 months or so back, it became a remote possibility. But then it really did happen two weeks ago. The visa was not easy to get but that was just the only thng that was tough. The moment my flight touched down in Islamabad, the first thing that hit me was man.. this country looks just like our own.. The airport, the people, the way they behave, their attitude, is all just desi babus personified. The only noticeable difference was that the language they spoke was a little different to hindi.

I had one of the best times of my life in Islamabad. i would be understating if i said that the hospitality i got from my colleagues there was the best. It was awesome. I will never forget the way my colleagues in pakistan took care of me. The city is by far the greenest capital i have visited. Islamabad is one of the most planned cities in the world. The other aspect - food, man it was just delicious. needless to say, i got the stomach flu after i landed in singapore because i just had too much to eat and i also added 2 kilos. I had like the best kabuli kebabs, chickens that are slow roasted over coal - called sajji, haleem, pai, brains.. etc etc.. man awesome food.. I will soon post some pictures in my other blog...

I just wish i could get more chances to visit them and also see a lot of our old historic places like gandhara, takshila, peshawar and ofcourse the cradle of indian civilisation - the harappa and mojendajaro.. some wishes come true, they just take time..

41 days

2006-09-09T12:06:00.000+08:00

well thats the time since my last post. Never in the past three years since i took up writing a blog have I neglected this space for this long. Well reasons reasons reasons.. simple 3 words.. i was busy, but then i need to allocate a few minutes to keeping this blog up to date.. promise to myself- will do it definitely

Apart from turning 30 and making a second trip to Tokyo to hire and induct a new business development person and starting on my japanese lessons, life has been pretty much the same. parents are moving to hyderabad and that would make my trips to india easier cos its just a direct 4 hour flight. Man, earlier i used to dread going home cos of the flight to chennai and then the 7 hour train journey to my home. you kinda use up your holiday in just traveling to the destination. Hopefully, now, i can go home more often!

The trip to Tokyo was more fun this time. I even experienced a earthquake that measured 5.5. I was in the 8th floor at my office and suddenly, you heard this wierd rumbling sound and i thought oops thats definitely an earthquake and the next second, i could feel the shake and the building kinda swayed. I looked at my colleage, she wasnt hassled and she confirmed it was an erathquake and my other colleague was like kanags, you are lucky to experience this. Man i was like shit what if this building collapses.. well nothing happenned apart from the swaying for a few seconds and then everything went back to normal.

Actually, this time around my esteem for the japanese shot up sky high. After a red eye flight, i had gone to the ticket counter to book the train ticket from airport to tokyo city. I left my passport bag at the counter and totally forgot about it. Walkedl ike 500 meters down to the train and went up to cabin one and was waiting to board the train. Like 2 minutes before the train starts, this lady comes running with my passport bag. I had not even realised until then that i didnt have the passport with me. She hands it over and i was speechless. of course i thanked her and all that. but i swear never anywhere in the world would something like this happen. Back home in India, the passport would probably have been flicked by the next customer at the ticket counter and would have gone to the mafia for redistribution. Or in singapore, the bag would have gone to the lost and found (hopefully).. she did not have any reason whatsoever to run 500 meters and find me and give me the bag but she did it. I love this country and i loved every minute of my stay there.

Well now, i am getting ready to my trip to Islamabad to meet my colleagues there and discuss some technology strategies and timelines for a product launch. My first trip to Pakistan. it took ages to get my visa approved and now i am looking forward to being there. Will write about my experiences in Islamabad when i am back.

lost in translation

2006-07-29T22:11:00.000+08:00

it is my 4th day in tokyo now. just got back to my hotel room which is no more than 100 sq ft in area. one of the amallest room i have ever stayed in, in my life. Actually reminds me of the size of my hostel room back in BITS, pilani, india where i did my undergrad. the difference is the room is air conditioned, has a tv, PC and a nice bathroom with a toilet that has controls that can squirt water, adjust tempertatures of water being squirted etc..

well let me not get into details of how i used my toilet. the city tokyo literally never sleeps. i have spent 4 days here so far and in between meetings and after work i have spent enough time exploring the city. i decided against taking a day trip to mt fuji cos this is the rainy season and sometimes clouds play spoil sport. today being an off day i spent like 10 hours walking around the city and last nite my colleague took me to some cool spots as well. i had already fallen in love with tokyo and now i am in love even more. i just need to learn the language. the subway is one of the best in the world. the food is awesome. the gals are cuter by the minute, the sake and shocu are the bets drinks in the world. the city is a little expensive but i am sure the pay packages will make up for it.

i walked around the city and took a ton of trips on the subway. visited the imperial palace garderns, the tokyo tower which is modelled on eiffel, the roppongi hills area which is the worlds costliest real estate, the tokyo dome area and the meiji shrine. nice welcome break from work and it is too bad i am feeling all worn out and cant stay out more. and too bad i cant speak the language. the city is a feast to the eyes from the lights, the neon adverts, the cute girls and everything else.

in the past few days i learnt a lot from the business angle as well. from my talks with my friends and business partners, i have been able to understand how business moves here, how it is still a male dominated society and what i need to do from my business stand point.

all in all, a great eye opener. i have always been intrigued by japan and its culture and now after being here in first person, i am even more appreciative. when i get back, i need to start to learn this language so that the next time i make a visit, i can actually speak to a few people instead of making signs and pointing to menus and yeah it will help if i can tell a girl she actually looks damn cute..

Land of the Rising sun

2006-07-27T10:35:00.000+08:00

Well first time in the land of the rising sun and i went with like 9 hours sleep in the past 40 hours. I finally conned (read as convinced) by boss into sending me to Japan on a business trip. Actually it is a business trip and i have like 2 meeting on average a day plus a conference to attend.

I have never fallen in love with a place on first sight and Tokyo was just awesome. one of the most polite and friendlist set of people in the world i would say. too bad i dont know japanese and have to just smile and they really make an effort to help with signs etc. The cabbies ..man, these cabbies are sent from heaven. .. after staying in sg and getting used to the majority of the permanently "dick in my arse" kinda attitude of cabbies, the tokyo cabbies are a welcome change. They are damn polite, even though they cant talk english, if you tell them the place name and show them a map or phone, make an effort to call the place and get directions and drop you. The road and the subway system are the best i have seen. The city is full of like multi tiers of roads and higways like stacked on each other and they just blend into the city scape. The only aspect is man things are damn expensive.

Well i have got work to do now. will update on the tokyo nite life in the next post.

Episode I - the phantom menace

2006-07-27T10:27:00.000+08:00

The phantom is not menacing me.. I however have a strange feeling it is definitely a source of menace to my apartment's maintenance folks. you see,, two weeks back i finally decided to act on this desire for a street bike , havent named it desire yet, but have to give her a name soon. I purchased a really cool blue Honda Phantom 150 cc cruiser in the second hand market. The bike was in awesome shape and condition.

After a few days of back to biking blues, now i am rocking the singapore F1 circuit. yeah, if they ever decide to race at just 100 kms per hour maximum speed i will be right there at the bottom. am probably one of those riskaverse drivers out there. but then hey u need to be careful. Anyways, the deal is i am finally a biker in singapore. No more waiting for those stupid Cabs and paying 4 bucks for calling one and seeing all these stupid cab buggers buzzing past you and not stopping to pick u up. Well bye bye to all that..

the phantom is doing good except for a small leak in the 2T oil tank which needs to be fixed, and ofcourse need to find some hot babe to fill the back seat.. That would be Episode II - Attack of the blondes. will write about that next time..

the day i got stoned...

2006-07-05T22:07:00.000+08:00

I finally got the break.. My life which was nothing but interesting routine if i can use that phrase, got a kick in the butt cos someone decided to make it a little more interesting..

nah, i didnt get a holiday, change in job, or location or watever. i literally got a break.. yeah, a surgery to break my kidney stones.. that definitely sounds corny, but what the heck.

It has been a week since i had a coffee, beer, or any form of alcohol or a nice meal in a good restaurant. I was on home cooked kichdi thanks to my boss who prepared and sent them over, and about 3-4 liters of water every day till yesterday.

all started with this worst pain a man can experience that hit me at around 5 am on 29th june. after 2 hours of struggling to figure out what the heck is going wrong, puking everything that was inside my stomach, and running out of options as to figuring out what the pain was about, and with the pain just increasing every minute, i flagged down a cab and went down to the emergency unit in a hospital about 4 kms from my home. Do you realise the cabbies tend to follow all traffic rules and go really slow just when you need them to break all the rules and go fast? i guess its in built into their psyche to do just the opposite of what you intend them to do.

any way, after reaching the emergency and filling in some stupid forms, and waiting for the doc for about 15 minutes, and answering like tons of questions i was finally given a pain killer. man, why the hell does the emergency unit expect you to fill a bunch of forms when you tell them you have pain and need a doc immediately.. i swear this world needs a munna bhai mbbs or patch adams..

anyway, after two rounds of pain killer shots and a xray and a CT scan, the doc diagnosed that i had kidney stones that need a procedure asap. So there u go, all alone in singapore, i decided to undergo the procedure called ESWL.. a shockwave treatment where they ping your urinary tract with sound waves to Break up the stones.. after a nite in the hospital and after i made sure i tell all my friends to come visit me in the hospital.. hey come on i have never been admitted in a hospital before in my life and never been given pain killer shots and never had a procedure done on me before.. so there u go.. a lot of first time events..

well, for now, doc has said no coffee.. and since i was suffering from caffeine withdrawal symptoms has agreed to let me have one cup a day, no drinks for a while cos i have high uric acid and am on antibiotics, no calcium rich food such as tomotoes, carrots, cabbage.. shucks.. reduced meat intake.. man.. i am screwed..

i was looking for interesting times.. and when work was getting really interesting, when i was losing weight and gaining muscles, here comes the stones.. well i have lost 1 kg since last thursday.. and no the stones werent that heavy..

2006-06-24T16:06:00.000+08:00

I had once written about how time tends to stand still when you have nothing to do. Today i will have to write a corollary to that about how time also tends to hit the speed of light when you have so much to do. Anyone who has some idea of physics will kick my arse for that last statement. yeah, time and light and the space and the space time curve, and black holes and time warps etc etc.. i know about all that and i have also spent some of my time and lost a few of my hairs in solving some problems from the 1001 problems listed by one Dr Irodov. Anyone who has been to IIT or has written the IIT JEE exams will know of Irodov..

Time is very unforgiving and relentless in its mission to just elapse and we just end up getting caught in that journey time seems to be making to god knows where. Well all philosophical mumbo jumbos aside, what i am life has been damn busy. At work, my company has reached a phase where we are caught between cash flows and cash reserves and strategic growth needs.. yeah yeah the business buzzwords.. am trying to allocate whatever time i have between leading a team to increase sales and bookings, work with the mgmt in creating a strategic roadmap for the next 2 years and presales, firefights and the like.. Outside of work, worldcup makes me stay awake till late in the night, gym has been eating atleast 5 hours a week, weekend partying another 5 hours.

oh btw, i finally got my visa approved for a business trip to Islamabad to spend some time with my colleagues there. Man getting this visa was one hell of a ride. had to make so many cab trips to the high commission here. the cab fees are 10 times the fees i paid for the visa. well anyways, shud be making the trip in july sometime. look forward to visiting Pakistan.

well i have started to notice that my posts have become dry and dull. need a boost to get back into my writing.. maybe i need a break

bridget jones diary...

2006-06-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

Well no i didnt watch that movie or read that book again.. u gotta have time for that in the first place..
I was about to note down on this space the following.. and i didnt want a plagiarism case on me so mentioned her name just to provide copyright protection to the author.
6 June 2006:
date supposed to be that of the beast.. well i swear i did not do anything.. however much i wish i am unfortunately not the devils incarnate
weight: reduced by 2 kgs in a month.. not bad.. wonder how many stones that is
single scene : as single as ever..
number of times got stoned last month : none
number of times i was high and nearly stoned : 1
number of times went out drinking last month - 5 much lesser.
amount of alcohol had last month - defn 50% lesser than previous month
hair style : still balding..
waistline : lost 1/2 inch yaaay...
work hours : same old 9 - 10 with an hour break in between for the gym and another for lunch
clubbing scene : not much change.. although visited zouk in singapore. realised my taste for house music has not changed since the last visit 2 yrs ago..I hate house music
marriage scene : parents staying away from putting any further pressure for now which is good.
movie scene: havent even caught Da vinci code yet what can i say i am a loser
books scene : still struggling to find time to read my last 4 months of nat geo
swimming scene: hit the pool every weekend .. almost
golfing: man i need to get my butt to the dricing range this weekend
nothing else to add for the moment.. will post if my life were anything more interesting..

It takes one to know one.

2006-05-22T23:34:00.000+08:00

It takes one to know one. I mean, i have heard this idiom umpteen number of times. But i believe it has been used and misused umpteem number of times as well. Let us look at this logically.

Every living thing has some basic level cognitive skill. They are aware that they exist. They can very easily identify their own kind, their predators, their prey and their mate. So a lion can identify another lion, can identify a lioness, can identify its prey be it deer, or zebra or it can make sense of a new thing it comes across within its limited cognitive capacity. If i take it forward, you dont need to be a deer to know that the object you are looking at is a deer. you could be a lion or you could be a tiger or you could be a man to identify that a deer is a deer.

So next time you use the idiom "it takes one to know one" i suggest understanding the correct usage of this idiom before using it. After all it does take a knowledgeable user of english to understand how to use the phrase..

As per answers.com, the correct usage of this idiom should be based on the following definition. The idiom means "The person who expressed criticism has similar faults to the person being criticized. This classic retort to an insult dates from the early 1900s. For example, You say she's a terrible cook? It takes one to know one! For a synonym, see pot calling the kettle black. A near equivalent is the proverbial it takes a thief to catch a thief, meaning “no one is better at finding a wrongdoer than another wrongdoer.” First recorded in 1665, it remains current."

As you can see the idiom has a flaw.. u dont really need to be a cook to know the food u are eating tastes like crap.. u just need to know how good food tastes like to understand the difference. similarly, u can also be a cop or someone who watches CSI to know how to identify a thief. so basically, you dont need to be a dog to know that the idiotic annoying barking object is a the dog.. u just need to know what a dog and what a bark is to understand that.. that is cognition.
unfortunately, the world is full of people without enough cognitive skills..

2006-05-22T23:32:00.000+08:00

You know, Seinfeld just answered my question on ladies and shoes and put them in perspective.

As per him, women and shoes are like men and cleavage. Doesnt matter how many times you have seen them before, men just get drawn to cleavage and i am no exception.. Now, i understand the relationship between women and shoes.. thanks seinfeld!!!

barking dogs seldom bite..

2006-05-15T23:09:00.000+08:00

my first teacher was my mom.. of course everyones is unless of course due to some sad circumstances you had to learn from someone else. I dont think this is the first thing she taught me, even if she tried to i dont think it would have registered in my brain when i was a baby.

However, i remember one set of incidents very well. I used to be called the villain by my aunts and uncles.. just cos of one reason, i used to beat the shit out of my cousin. He was 6 months junior to me and i always liked to make him cry and run away with his toys and they used to lock him in a room just to keep me away. In any case, my mom first slapped me a couple of times when i kept doing this. When i did not stop, she whacked me a few times and i do remember even getting a whip from one of my uncles belt. of course she told me she used to cry after hitting me. moms are moms.. but then i was a spoilt kid and needed to be shown the way. The lesson that she tried to teach me was not to get into fights unnecessarily and not to bother another life. I think i learnt the lesson fast, because in the last 29 years, i have only incident where i have hit someone and in that case, i broke that guys nose with one punch. I was 12 and luckily things did not escalate.

I never entered into a fist fight ever again and i never entered into an argument unless the argument was constructive or it was some position i really held steadfast to. Some of these positions were like my full faith in capitalism, ayn rands objectivism, the question of ethics, and values etc. When did i learn this.. well cant pinpoint a time, i guess by experience, and it was not something insead or bits taught me.

If you are a sane person, you always know to ignore Barking Dogs and just walk past them. Cos your time is worth more than picking up that stone and giving that dumb mad dog a thrash on its back (SPCA please forgive me, i wouldnt advice hitting dogs that mean you no harm and only as a means of self defense). I remember this incident in mangalore when a pack of dogs chased us when we were driving a bike and all i had to do was stop the bike and get off the bike and the dogs just ran away.

Why am i writing this? well one aspect i never learnt was how to stop thinking about the barking dogs after u ignore and walk past them. Even though i ignore these stupid barking dogs, i couldnt stop thinking about how these barking dogs came to be there in the first place. I wonder what this dogs mom taught it, i wonder what this dogs experience had taught it and why they keep barking just increasing entropy in the universe with no gain whatsoever. does the dog want to prove that it is bigger than everything else it is barking at. Does the dog have such a big ego that it doesnt even know it stinks. I really wonder.. I think i have to grow some more to stop caring about this aspect altogether, cos the time i spent thinking about why this dog sucks could have been used someplace constructively.. well actually i think right now i am being atleast creative about it by writing this piece.

you know, my mom did teach me one lesson.. barking dogs seldom bite. just stare at them and they whimper away to pick up barking with some other stranger.. you dont need to go to insead or bits to have learnt this.. just some brains and a life that shows u experiences..

to think or not to think

2006-05-13T17:41:00.000+08:00

Thinking about the future is scary.

Thinking about the past is even scarier cos you know those actions are yet to have a reaction which is going to occur in the future, unless of course you travel through time and either go back and change these past events or go forward and figure out the future and act differently.

Well since time travel is not yet feasible, it is better not to Think!!!

2006-05-08T22:59:00.000+08:00

You know what they say about fitness. Apparently it is a relegion, it is a way of life. well i have no idea about all that. all i know is it is costing me 68 bucks a month plus 65 bucks a session with my personal trainer and a lot of muscle ache.

So how the hell did this happen. Well as it is the case with me, it is all impulse. As i sat sipping teh halia ( singlish for ginger tea, more about the different types of teh tarik and kopi o and milo-dinosaurs in another blog; for the unititiated, these are some of the types of concoctions you get with tea and coffee in singapore), well back to the topic.. as i sat sipping teh halia in far east square with my colleagues my eyes for some strange play of fate rested on the $68 a month gym membership and my brain goes off in a tangent about how am so unfit and obese and the stuff.

Well to keep matters short, i took leave from my colleagues and went into planet fitness only to end up signing a two year membership for 68 bucks a month. Reason, well i thought it is time i lose the 5 kgs i gained since last november and also relieve some stress. I am totally stressed these days..

The gyms you wouldnt believe are probably run by some of the best known sales and marketing folks in the world. They do know how to squeeze not only the fat out of you, but also the fat out of your wallet. The first thing they did was to set me up with a personal trainer to review my health and fitness level. appointment fixed for thursday evening 5 pm.

Thursday, i sit facing the personal trainer. she aint that cute so u cant blame that for what happenned next. She asks me to fill this rather long form about my health and allergies and if i will faint when i excercise hard. She then measures my height.. For some strange reason, my height falls shorter by 4 cms from my previously accepted value. I have never heard of people losing height after they lose their rather bushy and curly hair on their head, but i was surprised to realise this baldness has cost me 4 cms of my height.. shucks.. the little known side effects of baldness.. while i am brooding and feeling shitty about my lost height, she starts my tests..

BP check next.. 127/74. well that is not bad. lets do some step excercise and calculate my cardiovascular strength aka stamina.. result.. less than average. Strength which they calculated as the number of situps and pushups i can do which were incidentally 16 and 26, and i came out ranked poor about 10 numbers less than average in each of them. And then came the shocker!!! the BMI machine coughs up 40% fat level.

So now, i am sitting there gasping for breath after those tests and the personal trainer tells me i am screwed if i dont do something and then suggests she help me.. Well what do you expect i can do then? i ended up signing up for personal training lessons..

The first session with her, she almost killed me by making me run on the tread mill at 10 incline and 10 speed. Then she asks me to climb the stairs machine and then about 3 sets of couple of abdomen excercises and some cycling.. by the time i am 35 minutes into the training, i can feel my body overheating and my head getting bad blood cos of my poor lungs.. Well she did stretch me though which was the best part of the session..

anyways, it has been 4 days since the last session, i have been regular. today i managed to run 7 speed on a 7 incline for 15 minutes, did a 20 minute cycling at a RPM of 75-80 at level 8. my stamina is on the way back and yesterday i did 20 laps in the swiming pool, something i havent been able to do in a long while..

when i heard about my 40% fat, i thought of printing a t-shirt with the words " hey i am 40% fat! you cant find anyone else more cuddly" but i think if i keep up, i am going to be able to wear a skin tight showing off my tight abs.. soon... right now i am practicing my new pick up line.. "hey do u know i used to be 40% fat"..

2006-05-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

I am tired and sick of decisions that i have to make in my life and the bloody obligations and cultural baggage that i am carrying.

I am tired of my not being able have the guts to make some decisions and stick to it. I am tired of letting myself and others down.

I am tired of weighing and balancing pros and cons.

I am tired of sympathising with my myself.

I am tired of what ifs.

I am tired of not knowing what to do.

I am tired of mistakes.

I am tired of my impulsive behaviours.

I am tired of everything that i am.

I am tired of living my life for someone else, but i dont know if i have a way out.

Right now, i am really very tired.

2006-04-27T17:27:00.000+08:00

As I walked through the immigration and customs channels at the singapore checkpoint on my way back from three non eventful days at Taman Negara Nature Park, Malaysia, all i cared about was getting back to work.

Have i really turned into such a bad workoholic? Well i think i know the aswer for that one. But as i was pondering over whether i actually am a bad workoholic or a good one, i started recollecting why i decided to take a break and go on this holiday all alone?

My trip to Taman Negara had started three nights ago when i left work and went home to pick up my rucksack and got a cab to the railway station. I had been planning this trip for a while. I wanted to go see the oldest rain forest in the world. How is that different from any other rain forests, i wouldnt know, i have been to some cool areas in the Western Ghats in Southern India. The experience i had trekking in western ghats was probably the only experience i have with rain forests and mind you its not a pleasant experience especially in the season just after the monsoons when you have these leeches wriggling on the ground and somersaulting towards bloood. And to escape from those blood suckers, you have to apply soap on your legs and carry a bag of salt. The suckers melt in common salt.. do u know that.. well now you know.. i have to find out why that happens.. meaning to find this out in the wikipedia for a while now.. as usual i am digressing.

Anyways, the train journey from Singapore to Jerantut in Malaysia was probably the most uneventful part of the journey to the rainforest. The train took the same tracks it takes on every other day. They looked just like what you can see in the picture on the right. Now the train was supposed to reach Jerantut at 4:00 AM but it reached at 5:00 AM. what difference did that make? well nothing, we anyway had to wait at the train station which looked like right out of malgudi days. Man, i wanted coffee so bad and the small stall didnt open until 6:30 AM. And right when i was about to have my coffee, the cab that was to take me and group i was supposed to travel with came along.

Jerantut to the Taman Negara National Forest is about 3 hours by ferry upstream on the river Tembeling. Now, while waiting for the ferry to start, i did what i am really really good at. no, not the foot in mouth thing.. but i dropped my camera and broke my UV filter. Now that is a good way to start a holiday. luckily, my t houghts didnt keep coming back to this and i forgot about this.

Well to keep things short, the journey to the resort was quite comfortable. Your eyes kinda get used to seeing shades of five colors - brown, blue, grey, white and green. Apart from the intermittent boats that pass you by which are in different hues altogether. Apart from a stop for fertilizing the forest, nothing else pretty much happenned. While i decided to fertilize the forest, i had to find a nice spot and a tree that would probably thank me for providing it with some extra nitrate supplements. I did my best, but trees being trees and humans being humans, i couldnt understand if it said thank you or it scolded me for spoiling the natural perfume of the forest. in any case, i made sure there were no "no fertilising" signs around.

I continued reading Shantaram while the forest got thicker and thicker and the trees started becoming taller and the foliage becoming greener, the sun playing hide and seek with the clouds and the rain clouds threatening to pour, well it had to, i was going to a rain forest. duh!

Now, i dont want to describe in detail all the three days i spent in this rain forest. I trekked about 12 kms over 2 days, visited the bat caves and squeezed my way through some narrow parts of the cave, smelt like at shit after coming out, got bitten by leeches and got my blood sucked out, tried the canopy walk and bought some forest honey. It was a relaxing and nice break from work and i figured out that i am hardly as fit as i used to be.

As i reached home after the break, i did realise that even though the break was good and i visited the oldest rain forest in the world, i didnt feel too good about the holiday. was it because i went alone? was it because i couldnt take my mind off of work sometimes, was it because i was reading Shantaram and was living his life through the book. I dont know. all i know is i didnt feel the break was good enough.

I took this holiday to escape but i guess i am stuck in too many things for escapism to be of any value add to my well being. I still have to face the daily routine and solve the issues that are pending.. my life has become all about work. i am not very happy about this. but then what can i do, i have to earn and i have obligations.. and it doesnt seem to get any easier as days pass by

2006-04-10T22:21:00.000+08:00

As usual as i sit at home watching national geographic and overloading my hyperactive brain with more information, the brain's othe region starts to process random thoughts and one such random thought that i had now was what the hell have i done in the past 60 days of my life?

Well i used to have thoughts which had longer time spans.. such as what the hell have i done with my life thus far and what am i going to do with the rest. but then i figured, does anyone care about it? Well i dont care if someone cares, do i care? At the way life is turning out, i dont really care.. I mean yeah u have all those dreams and and all skewed ambitions and all the rest, but then how the hell does it matter to you at the moment? Ok ok.. i am not going to get philosophical or pshcyopathic here.

What i am trying to say is simple, the past 60 days of my life, if that were a snippet of how my rest of my life is going to be, man i am a goner. All i did the last 60 days was work work work work work, come home late, go out for a few beers some days, watched like 2 movies in the theater, missed some 3 others with friends, missed like 3 parties that i should have gone, went to probably 4 parties over some weekends, didnt play one round of golf or one game of tennis, did not hit the gymn even once and neither the swimming pool, somehow managed to keep the weight constant, did not see one episode of desperate housewives, watched almost all episodes of Seinfeld, finished one book by Kazuo Ishiguro, didnt read the past 4 issues of national geographic, filed my taxes, got my alumni clubs accounts closed and audited and filed that return, declined requests from shaadi.com citing one reason or the other, talked to mummy every 3rd day and dad and sister every 7 days, cooked dinner at home atleast 2 times a week.. well cant think of anything else.

Look at that laundry list, that is so damn boring. I love my work so i enjoy that part, its like a challenge, but the rest of it.. its just bloody monotonous. i am losing it man.. i need some change. I need to do something else other than this routine. I need to read more, and man, i need to get some bloody excercise. I tried running once and i could manage 3 kms in 35 mins at a decent pace so i know i am not that unfit but am no way close to my required fitness levels.

And hey those who read this, dont u start saying i need to get laid. its hardly the answer. I think i know what i need to do.. I need to make my $$$s and travel around the world.. for starts, i am off for the Easter weekend, off hiking at Taman Negara Rain forest, Malaysia, the oldest rain forest in the world. Maybe that time will help me get a little bit more perspective on this life!

p.s: i just dont understand, why we feel all shitty about life and yet are afraid of death.. nah, am not suicidal, just another curious thought! we keep saying life sucks yet we continue living.. thats bloody ironic if you ask me

2006-04-02T18:00:00.000+08:00

I hate walking out of my office into the alley next to it during lunch hours. You would have to experience it to understand what i am talking about. The alley is lined with shops that sell trinkets and stuff and there is this one shop that sells footwear and even has a mirror next to it. And come lunch time, half of singapore's ladies or in this shop pretty much blocking the passage between me and a much needed lunch.

I have been meaning to send a letter to the management office of the premises to atleast move the shop over to someplace outside the alley. It really becomes tough to move an inch and what would take me 20 seconds to walk on a normal hour would take like 2 minutes and man, you have to understand 2 mins is a looong time when you are really hungry.

Anyways, what i dont understand is the ladies' craziness for footwear among other things. I mean, all my girl friends have like closets full of footwear of all kinds and colors and shapes and heel sizes. I sometimes wonder why one would need so many. and some of these girls go the next step to get a matching hand bag as well. I never could understand the psyche and rationale behind the number of shoes and hand bags a girl owns. And even after they have 20 pairs they would go ga ga about the new shoe that the other girl in the party is wearing.

I mean, how many shoes would someone need? I mean for me, i have a black pair of formals, a brown one cos u cant wear a black one with brown pants and this doubles as something i wear with jeans to clubs, i have a pair of running shoes, a pair of tennis shoes, a pair beach sandals, a pair of golf shoes and a pair of hiking shoes. So that makes it about 7 pairs. Now going by the same logic, ok, i may give the girls a little bit of room about the heels that would want.. so maybe 10-12 pairs at the max.. Man, i am talking about closets that have 20-30 pairs.. thats scary isnt it?

And man, trust me the worst combination is when you accompany a girl whe they go footwear shopping. I swear i dont know what to say when they ask me if some footwear looks cool on them.. I mean its just a footwear, isnt it..

2006-03-22T22:13:00.000+08:00

How do u ever find out a girl's age without asking her.. you know its a big dilemma.. should i or shouldnt i.. of course u shouldnt u dumbass. its considered impolite to ask a girl her age. So how do u find the girl's age if u cant ask her.

Well there are a few creative ways of doing it.

1. Take her to a pub and then tell her she looks too young and hence they wont let her in and that you could help her get in but you would need her driver's license. This is double whammy.. u not only flatter her but also can spy ;)
2. ask her brother how old he is and the difference between she and him (this is lame i know)
3. well u could deduce like how sherlock holmes would have.. for example this one girl i know has a bro. and i didnt ask her bro nor her their age. but i did find out that the bro did 3 yrs undergrad and a 2 yrs post grad and has been working for 6 yrs. so since he studied in india, and he is in a good company in a good position he must have been 16+ when he started undergrad (cos he couldnt have failed any grad if he is in a good position).. and adding these numbers he must be between 27 and 28. and she is older than him so she is defn 27+ but how much + is still open.. thats the problem to solve creatively.. but how the hell am i going to find this out..well i could ask her the same question..what did she study, how long she is been working and if she started working immediately after graduation..now.. this deduction thing might get on your head.. might as well just ask the girl her age..but u see thats no fun..
4. tell her u are sponsoring her next visit to your country and that the govt of singapore requires that i file her details when she visits and hence need a copy of her passport..
5. what else.. well u cud act that u are drunk and ask her age..this one never works.. the usual reply would be.. how old do u think i am? and man trust me u are in deep shit when u ever get this question from a girl.. u have to keep a straight face while answering..and that is tough when u are drunk
6. now i am clueless..

any ideas? any one?

p.s: this question is not the reason i have not been blogging for the past few days.. just been too stressed at work..and of course calvin left the writers block on my desk. any interesting ideas on how to find out the age of a girl without asking her would be rewarded with a perpetual license free agreement to read my blog.

The Block

2006-03-13T22:06:00.000+08:00

Updates.. What happenned since the last post.. got busy at work, got depressed, got sick, took a day off, saw the movie "40 year old virgin" and the usual shit.. but that aint the reason i didnt post anything.. Its the very old problem all writers get... well i will let this picture explain

thank you Bill Waterson....

2006-03-05T16:17:00.000+08:00

a really stressful and mentally draining week has come to a close finally... I was so spaced out that i didnt even go out partying or do anything the three days.

i have just taken over as marketing and sales head and the job involves strategic planning as well as leading the sales team and ofcourse the number targets, and i am getting into this role with no sales experience to back me up. plus had a disagreement with the big boss on how to move things along. man too much expectations on me and i have to deliver.. do things, i am sure i will make mistakes, i have to learn fast, alter courses if mistakes are made and at the same time ensure that the mistakes dont hit the tipping point...

i am scared like i have been never scared before in a job related situation cos i hate to fail.. Failure is not an option!!! but maybe to put it positively, I am at crossroads here and have a steep climb to the next milestone!.

As they say, Can do Lah!!!

Anonymous Comments....

2006-03-04T18:57:00.000+08:00

Oh Boy!! I am adjectiveless at the moment!!

I have been receiving anonymous comments on this blog for the past more than few days. Well, i just thought someone is as jobless as me to take time to read all that is written here and post their views, but the last comment kinda unsettled me. Comment Number 8 Seems to be an Ode on me.

I appreciate the Poem. appreciate this person taking the time to think about putting in quite nice way the story of my life. However i am kinda getting scared..to be on the receiving end of such poems cos it shows this person know a great deal about me. And i have no idea who this person is.

So i put on Sherlock's hat and from clues left behind figured the following

1. Anonymous is using Starhub's Maxonline Internet service. Cos my counter tracks the IP. but unfortunately this guy has a dynamic IP so i can only get the IP of the service provider's gateway.
2. This person has some connection to BITS cos the comments left at the time this person has logged in indicates good knowledge of bitsian slangs
3. This person has some connection to INSEAD as well cos there are some very subtle clues to this.
4. This person seems to have some understanding of the usage of singlish.

Now here is where i am stuck.. I dont have ny more clues to go with.. Is this one person or multiple persons taking me for a ride.. Hey Anonymous, care to introduce yourself?

2006-02-28T21:02:00.000+08:00

The biggest problem with today's world - too much free advice..

you hear that from every tom dick harry, lisa mary jane you come across and sometimes they feel compelled to give advise to you at no cost and expect you to oblige them in accepting and glorify them for their uncalled for, irrational and illogical advice.

if only there were taxes on such advice, and if i were collecting it, i would be a millionaire if i had just collected a cent for each word spoken.

why...

2006-02-27T21:41:00.000+08:00

What is the purpose of our lives? This question is not a rhetoric. I am just wondering. really.. what is it that i am doing here. why the hell do i have to live, be happy, feel sad, work, be ambitious, have a career, have a family, raise kids, see them grow..and the like. Why does this work this way? why do i have to have a work life balance, why eat, why sleep?

I am not crazy or anything. but i am just wondering what the purpose of this all is? Is my existence of any purpose? My being dead or alive what difference does it make to anyone? who decided i have to be born. who decided i have to have the ability to think? who decided i have to live n number of years? if u ask the scientific guy he says its a biological reaction. the theologians would say its god's will.. well whatever be it, the purpose of my life is lost on me.

I am tired, messed up, confused, just want to escape, get out of where i am whatever i am. i feel screwed up all for no reason whatsoever.

I can for sure tell i am going nuts, but why am i going nuts like this?

2006-02-22T10:32:00.000+08:00

I wish there were a exchange or trade bureau where you and your alter egos can exchange traits that you believe you can do without. That would be so cool wouldnt it. Like for example, i can do with a little bit more of drive when it comes to my personal life and the willingness to lose the 5 kgs i have gained since last september. at present all my energy is so channelled towards my career that i end up with leading an pretty unbalanced life. But the other side is, i am happy doing what i am doing. So should i trade my level of happiness to i dont know how i would feel with say spending 30 minutes of my time in the gym on a everyday basis, or maybe get up early and hit the gym. Is going to the gym so that you can live a 5 extra years in old age worth it..

Let me look at it rationally..If i get five years more to live, will i be happy during those five years? I dont know, maybe, maybe not. Those five years.. who is going to pay for it? well i will have to put some more money in my retirement funds which means the present value of $ i have in hand for enjoying life reduces. what value am i going to provide to this world by living 5 more years? i dont know..

so u see.. looking at it rationally, the cost of living five more years is really not worth it.. but then the something deep inside me says dumbass, u better go to the gym u lazy bum.. else u probably are losing the 5 years that u are supposed to live anyway, u are not gaining 5 years but ensuring u live those 5 years u are meant to live. but then i could possibly get hit by a car of the mrt tomorrow so why bother..

well, all these babbles aside, i do know i have to do something. i do love playing tennis, maybe i should invest in that coach and get a regular partner after all..

Another word that i have to add to my profile

2006-02-20T11:34:00.000+08:00

Judgemental that is.. i am not talking about my profile, but the one of the traits that i must ensure that the girl my parents are looking for must not have.

The story starts like this.. u know, how my folks kinda got it out of me to put my ad on shaadi.com. well the details are in one of the older posts, but anycase, my profile is there and i have been totally blunt about myself as i usually am. I believe in being honest what can i say, my parents built in too many values into me..

And for long i kept saying no for gals my parents will find citing one reason or the other and i didnt care about the profile in shaadi.com and then my friends were u know, u must atleast try talking and then can decide. so i see these few profiles of gals and i picked a few who i thought were probably fitting the bill.. u know working, well educated.. my presumption was if someone is well educated, working is probably a little independent and is not a small town girl.. and contacted them..

a few got back, and one of them then adds me to the msn cos i sent my contact. she reads my profile, and visits this blog and then she pinged me yesterday on msn. I have tried my best to reproduce the conversation here. the lines in brackets are fyis...

she: hi

me: hi

me: who is this. do i know u? (well to be honest i didnt have any other lines in my head)

she: (silent)

me: (ok maybe she is from shaadi.com) are u ms X from shaadi.com

she: yes. i saw ur profile and also read your website.. you are tooo much for me. you should look for iit and iim girls

me: ok i didnt know alliances are made between colleges and degrees (fair enuf, is she saying she is not my type..i dunno.. let me continue and find out)

she: how come u are director at such an young age

me: (man, how can i say the story of my life in 1 line.. this is defn not working) well i worked hard and i did an mba from a good school and got lucky...

she: i am astonished (god knows wat she is thinking)

me: (time to change subject) so what do u work as?

she: what does ur sister do?

me: (hey i asked u a question.. no manners here... why does she want to know about my sister) Well she works as a lecturer/programmer and stays with my parents in india

she: why didnt u take her to singapore

me: (how does that matter here.. i am not going to tell her the story of why my sister is not with me in singapore.. thats a long story. i did ask her and parents.) well she wants to stay with my parents.

she: you should ask her and take her to singapore

me: ok (man this is ridiculous.. first she doenst spend time finding who i am and already starts giving me adivse without knowing details)

she: so have u stayed away from home for 11 years?

me: yes.. 13 years to be exact (where is she going with this?)

she: how can u be u like this ?

me: like what (what the hell is she getting at.. i am getting pissed.. what has my staying 13 years away from home for studies and work etc got to do with this? this is wierd.)

she: never mind. do u have girlfriends?

me: (yeah rite.. if i had why would i be talking to u?) No i dont have girlfriends. i have friends who are girls..

she: you are lying.. you must have..

me: (by now i have reached the limits of my patience.. this is nothing bur prejudged statements and baseless talk and a complete waste of my time) I do not lie. believe or not is upt to u. I have friends who are girls, but no one is what u would term as a lover/girlfriend (wonder how she would react if she sees my insead party snaps..hahaha had this devilish idea of passing her the links.. or maybe she already saw my tioman snaps with the wierd baloons..Arvi.. all ur fault)

she: ok.. sorry i wasted ur time

me: bye.. i dont think you are my type.. good luck. (by now i am really pissed about how judgemental people can be and about why i have to put up with all this.. all my parents fault.. who the hell cares about getting married)

You see.. what irritated me in this whole part was. This girl never told me a thing about herself. Never stops to find out who she is talking to. but jumps to conclusions on preconceived notions.

I had one mind to snap and say "hey u dont have any facts, u dont even know me and how can u be so judgemental", but then decided i dont care for nitwits who are judgemental anyway and politely pulled out saying she is not my type..

So there u go, till now, in the list of traits that i had marked included "not fussy" and "no hypocrites" and now i am adding "non judgemental". Maybe i shud follow my friends advise after all, talk to more girls and then keep adding to the list of traits.. But now i am getting doubts about my search criteria, educated and working doesnt mean they are liberal and outspoken and independent and open minded.. man i am screwed..

2006-02-14T21:04:00.000+08:00

Whats so special about valentine's day.. i mean its just another day isnt it? What intrigues me is why is this day so special that one has to spend some X amount of dollars on flowers, or chocolates or candle light dinner? I see shops with special deals on flowers, chocolates and valentine dinners... I mean, if you really liked someone or are in love with someone, you could do these any other day just as well.. or you could do this every day if u are rich and can afford these on an every day basis.

I mean arent these just another materialistic way of expressing your love and adoration to your partner? Is love that shallow? Has the bonds of human relationship grown so shallow that your girlfriend "expects" these gifts or rather "demands" these gifts as a proof of your love? I have seen cases where the girl is so damn pissed that the guy hasnt done anything to show his love or affection. Are materialistic means the only way of showing it?

Is this just another way of massaging the egos of your partners show that she can probably show off to her friends later. If you really love your partner shouldnt such materialistic ways of expressing affection be considered stupid and degenerating? What has the world come to.. you have days for every damn thing just so that consumerism can grow. hey.. btw. tomorrow is the day after valentine's day.. shouldnt you be celebrating that with a wine and dine at some cool diner?

maybe this rational way of thinking is probably why i am spending my valentine's day in office waiting for a call from a client while spending time writing this blog...but one of my friends used to say, i am above all this...

The Coolness of using the "F" word

2006-02-10T10:40:00.000+08:00

I am what they called a late bloomer, hell i dont even know if i have bloomed, but anyway thats besides the point. I first heard the four lettered "f" word probably in the first week of my stay at BITS Pilani. I was one of those scared stiff freshmen with a huge inferiority complex and trying to figure out my position in the small universe of pilani. you had these sophomors and seniors who were the so called cool guys the freshmen were supposed rather entailed to look up to. The first two months in campus was full of ragging and the nuances associated with becoming a Bitsian as they put it. And during the course of these first two months, depending on how "cool" you are you tend to be classified into the various categories which could be one of the following - the really cool studs, the mediocre and mundane, the ghottus and the NEPs. These traits tend to be not really distinct and one could be a mix of all the above as well depending on the situation.. in any case, one was bound to be labelled in this way after the first month or so and once labelled, its damn difficult to move up the ladder..

Now, ghottus and NEPs were bitsian slangs. a ghottu was a guy who spends all his time in the library or the hostel room reading all the books and attending all the classes. If you were one of the "cool" studs then you were to attend no classes, spend all your time with the hot gals, doing what were considered exotic things during those days including organising events, Oasis, Apogee etc and if you were really a cool stud you could become the president and make some money. The NEPs were the extreme and were left in the way side. NEP stood for Naan En Piranden which in tamil means "why was i born". Now somewhere in the middle is the mundane and mediocre and as you properly guesses i belonged to this mundane and mediocre and i tried really really hard to move to the cool stud ladder but the standards were just too high :)

Why am i talking about these cool studs and the labels, well because, you know during those days, there was this huge misconception about what is considered cool.. When i look back, i actually think i was much cooler than the bunch of cool studs but never realised it. Or maybe i was really hot that i didnt need to be considered cool.. hehe.. poor jokes aside.. one of the supposed criteria of being cool was to use the "F" word in every possible sentence that you speak.

As i said, i was a late bloomer and hence a late learner. I learnt about the F word only when i was 16. And that is damn late even considering indian standards. So u can imagine how out of place i felt in school. But i took it upon myself to ensure that i make up for the lost time. So i researched the usage of this "F" words. The "F" word took various forms depending on how one wanted to use it.. It is a verb of course and hence has many conjugations. However, i figured that we can use this word as a noun, adjective, or an adverb as well. I soon learnt the intricacies of sounding cool..

Like for instance if the coffee i was drinking had a fly in it.. i would have said " man, this coffee has a fly in it..." but if you were supposed to be cool.. you were supposed to say "Bugger.. this f***ing coffee has a f***ing fly in it bugger!!!" Now isnt that coool!!!! Or if you were talking to a friend explaining the awesome holiday you had in say Darjeeling, you were supposed to say "Man it was f***ing awesome.. I was f***ing literally in f***ing heaven.." What i realised about this word was that it was so easy to just add it any where you feel like.. it became like a filler when you are lost for words and the party who is listening can grasp the seriousness and the beauty of what you were conveying in practically the same way. The "f" word like the best invention for a totally inarticulate person to go the extra mile in conveying exactly what he wanted to convey.

Well, after i f***ing started using the f***ing "F" word in every f***ing sentence i spoke, i soon f***ing realised that i was f***ing getting really f***ing overboard. Look at that f***ing past sentence. I have f***ing used the f***ing "F word" like f***ing 6 times.. Now shouldnt I be considered a f***ing cool guy??

p.s: The author has long since stopped using the "F" word on a regular basis. He uses it only when the going gets tough or if he really wants to convey his exasperation...

Of Cartoons and Paintings

2006-02-09T11:35:00.000+08:00

I wonder what difference my words, that probably attributes to .000001% of of billion gigabytes of information on the web, would make to this world. One really corny way to answer that will be that the ocean is not made of just one droplet.. well corny lines aside, i write cos i think this is a creative way of venting my frustration at some of what i term as hypocricies in todays world and maybe i will be able to make a difference in a few years time when my maslows needs are met. (yeah right i am selfish..dont forget i follow objectivism:)

Well anyways, of late one of the main headlines has been the cartoonists portrayal of Prophet Muhammad and back home in india, the case of Mr Hussain's nude paintings. Is this Moral Policing against the freedom of expression or is it Religious intolerance? Honestly, i have seen neither the cartoons nor Hussain's paintings and that means one can question the credibility behind my arguments.

I believe that in both these cases are simple yet complex.. a clash of civilisations, a clash of morality and sensitivity with ones concept of freedom. The question i have is who is right here? The western concept of freedom where individual right is above all else or the traditional/Eastern concept of a society determining what is right.

I for one believe that the eastern concept of society determining morality and virtuosness is erroneous and hypocritical. The society may be democratic or autocratic but in either case, it basically is views of a select few being imposed on the views of the rest and in most cases i would like to question if the mass in the society even thinks about the problem but follow the populist sentiment which i believe is again driven by the select few. An individual has to define what is right for him and dissent can and should be expressed based on his beliefs but that does not mean that one has to impinge on the right of expression of someone else. The way of life governed by the individual rights and freedom advocated by the west leading to a highly litigative society seems to work cos there is an economic sanction on those who are not sensitive. In a perfect world this might work but again, nothing is perfect and so it is easy for me to theorise that we need a balance..

I am not wise enough to propose a solution and neither am i going to try. However, when i examine these two cases, i sympathise with the muslim world in both cases. In the first case i believe the anger against the cartoonists from the muslim world is justified but i would question the seriousness and efficacy of the populist sentiments over the past few days. In the case of Mr Hussain, i am ashamed that my relegion (hinduism) has spawned such bigots who cry shame and call for sacrifice of individual freedom in the name of social morality.

Islam has always deplored portrayal or iconising the prophet and the cartoons definitely were in bad taste. How Hinduism - a relegion where the shiva is workshipped in the linga form, a relegion where sex and art had thrived together as in khajuraho and kamasutra, finds an artists portrayal of nude gods offensive is far beyond the comprehension of my rational mind. I agree one has the right to take objection to his art, that is ones right but taking objection in the name of hinduism is stupidity and hypocritical. And the "secular" government calls for his arrest and explanation, thats an extreme, i did not elect the government to police artists, i voted for fair governance.

Hinduism, the relegion that is supposed to be the most tolerable and open is now being thrust into narrow mindedness by the so called upkeepers. I wonder what the self proclaimed upkeepers of the relegion are going to do next.

Jimi Henrix here i come

2006-02-08T10:34:00.000+08:00

If there was anything in common with me and Jimi Henrix, it might be dope.. haha.. yeah rite i wish.. in singapore i will be beheaded.. and just for the records for those snoopers from the intelligence departments and DEAs..no i dont have dope of any kind and nor do i traffic them. and i definitely wouldnt want to die the way jimi Henrix did. i think that was a really silly way to die.

well speaking about Jimi Henrix, i have bought an acoutsic guitar. purchased it like two weeks ago in ebay for 50 Sing and got it deliverd yesterday. all those who know me might think this is another of those silly dabbles this bugger takes up. maybe.. i used to own and learn the acoustic guitar when i was in the usa, but when i left in 2002, i just gave it up.. and now since i have some supposed free time and since i made a new year resolution to do something useful rather than play Xbox, i thought why not and so there u go.. hopefully my neighbours wont complain of the excessive noise pollution..

and hey, i already can play the Am, A, E, E7, G, C and D chords..

2006-02-07T16:39:00.000+08:00

No i havent found the special someone.. or have i? yeah watever.. u know i take prozac everyday these days cos i am shit scared of the part where you think you are at crossroads of starting or sabotaging a relationship, the part where u think u like someone but are not sure, the part where u want to tell her but are scared about rejection or just plain shy.. well at the end of it all you are so drained that you wonder why one has to go through all this.. guess no pain no gain..

ok why am i talking about this now.. well two excuses i can use, not that anyone who knows me will buy either of them, but then hey it is worth trying. one i was reading the latest national geographic that has an article on the science of love and the second one was I was checking out Calvin and Hobbes and i saw this .. http://images.ucomics.com/comics/ch/1995/ch950205.gif Bill Waterson is really awesome..isnt he?

come on.. it aint that serious

2006-02-06T11:38:00.000+08:00

all those who probably were reading whatever i was posting in the past few weeks must be wondering whatever happenned to this bugger..stopped all personal posts and became involved in Corporate ethics and CSR and philosophy..well i think one must have a balance.. so here is a not so serious and totally personal post..

two days back i was asked a question "what am i passionate about" and damn i didnt have an answer..

what is my passion? I like to do a lot of things but then what am i passionate about..

1. i love to travel, but then am not so crazy that i can travel at the drop of a hat. well i dont think i have a hat but that shouldnt stop me from travelling anyway..

2. i love to eat good food.. but its not a passion

3. I love to read.. infact i read a lot.. i specifically like to read about history, natural history.. i can spend hours reading.. so can i call that my passion?

4. I started dabbling with photography like since pilani days.. i havea good portfolio but then i dont spend that much time taking photos these days, but then when i take my camera i love taking pictures..

5. I am into collecting masks and artefacts these days..like 2 weeks back i went to this antique shop and burnt about 350 bucks on vases and a wooden dragon and some paintings.. apparently no one except me appreciates the dragon and D has been totally critical of that piece.. i dare not call this my passion

6. I love to watch movies, but not that crazy about any particular actor or director.

7. i love to listen to music but not passionate about it or any particular group or singer or type. as long as i find whatever is playing soothing and befitting the mood i am in..

8. I like to read, think about what i read, analyse, write.. basically i love blogging.. but not sure if writing is my passion..

all in all, i have no idea what i am passionate about... Is there one such stuff on this planet that i will give up anything to do or hold. i am absolutely clueless...

Google's - Part II

2006-02-02T15:52:00.000+08:00

Girish's response :

The Chinese government gains a lot by having the likes of Google in China. Why is Google so popular? They believe to have some of the best search/indexing technology, and not to mention their innovativeness in services provided. This summer I did an internship at Microsoft Research, where there is a big group working on MSN search (Google's competitors). You wouldn't believe -- it's no secret that much of their goals is just to keep up with Google. The web-search problem is really complicated --- how do you keep up with millions of possible requests that have to be serviced every second; well, you have a multiple server clusters, duplication of databases, fault-tolerance etc etc etc --- maintaining all this is non-trivial (sidebar: definitely no objective reality here, Kanags ;)). Bottom-line, Google's strategies and techniques are top-notch, and the rest of the industry just fights to keep up with them. For example, Google is one of the best when it comes to fault tolerance -- when a server goes down, the system can automatically shift to another cluster. Others do this too, but there's a limit -- when the fault is really high, human intervention is needed; currently, the fault tolerance in Google servers and databases are the best in the industry. So, to make a long story short, "what does it take for Chinese government to build a search engine?" -- A LOT, esp if you want Google quality. In fact, the reason Google is objecting to Bush's requests is not just because of protecting privacy; it is generally agreed in the industry and in the media, that the reason they resist is because they don't want to expose trade secrets. Others, MSN search and Yahoo, obliged to Bush; Google is the leader, and they don't want to give anything away.

"On a broader level, should companies that operate from the free world stop doing business with repressive countries?"Yes, that's my opinion. For example, Burmese military regime is terrible. They are amongst the most repressive in the world -- you have to learn about their repression and empathasize with the population to understand. If you apply economic sanctions on them, then the regime becomes weaker, and will re-think their strategy; if you acquiesce to them, you are making the more comfortable and possibly more repressive.

"people cite IBM's watson's supposed link with Hitler but isnt that again just one side of the story."Supposed?? Wake up, kanags, it's a well-known fact -- nobody including IBM denies this."The other side is that ibm's german subsidiary was taken over by the nazis in 1941."That is not the other side --- that is a consequence of dealing with a repressive regime.

"i just dont have all the facts to say that ibm's business in nazi germany was against a corporate ethics, to say it was money over integrity."What is your definition of corporate ethics? Does it even exist beyond lip-service? IBM knew exactly what the Nazis were upto, and knew exactly what their machines were used for -- damn they were in Germany setting it up as the Jew who was going to be massacared, had to say his personal information which was recorded using IBM machines. This is the most extreme form of repression -- I doubt we will ever see anything like this. If this doesn't spell it out for you, then I don't understand what you mean by corporate ethics. Get real, man!

"if there was a higher ulterior motive to get in there and make a slow change"My answer to that --- keep dreaming. I am yet to hear of a corporate entity in the history of commerce, that gives up huge chunks of revenue on moral grounds. Actually, Kanags, probably you should give me some examples -- I'm getting more and more cynical -- need some hope. And, I'm not talking about silly PR promos and lip-service. I'm talking about genuine moral concern.

"i do know that in the US, if i am not making profits, my company will be taken to task by the share holders, by the same free market system that we are so wanting to build and sustain and whatever value i am creating in the society for the betterment of people will be at risk.. So i would go into to china if i was in their position."EXACTLY!! That confirms my argument that corporate ethics is dead. Genuine corporate ethics should be willing to take losses to stand by their moral beliefs. When you give in to share-holders and profits, then you have given up. And, on the flip side, I think it is the lazy and greedy corporate that gives in so easily. I think the smarter corporate would sustain themselves despite standing by their moral beliefs -- again a reference to the "greedy algorithm" from my last post."get into china and be open about what i censor, but not agree to share private information"Nope. Google won't protect privacy info in China -- not gonna happen. If this was true, I wouldn't be complaining. This non-protection of privacy data leads to arrests of dissenters, and people who speak against the government. This has already happened thanks to Yahoo and MSN search.

**************

My take:
The world as we both agree is not a utopia. It is always a balance between good and evil. Girish, you have in the past argued that grey areas exist everywhere. I am in my arguments talking about these same grey areas. Why do u not see that what google did falls under this grey area rather than portraying it as black or white.

Note that i am not saying yes going in with arms wide open to buy and sell stuff in repressive regimes is the way to go. All i am saying is there is a balance. Sanctions in my mind is not the right way because i dont think we are achieving anything. Let us take googles technology itself, yes google is the best and chinese will not be able to use the best technology if it were not present there, but my argument is if that that country is not so backward in technology that they cant do a search engine themselves. it might not be a google but it will work and it will only return results the government wants. So u are not really solving anything by not going in. may be the so called free world massages its ego in that decision.

u might want to look at mazlows hierarchy of needs. Sanctions on the basic needs might bring a government to its needs but china is sufficient there. My opinion is sanctions in any way is not a way to go. Who suffers when there is a sanction? the repressive elite? no.. its the poor who suffer.. u sanctioned iraq for 10 years.. who sufferred? saddam or the man on the street in baghdad? the world changes at its own pace and each situation needs a different solution. and let us face it, the US law makers who are shouting their arse off about google are the same ones who gave china the MFN status in the early 90s even at the height of the T square incident. where did their social responsibility go at that time?

About IBM and Nazism, man there is no proof!. as i said i am not exonerating them nor am i crucifying them. Per laws defined in the same free world, u need to be guilty beyond reasonable doubt.. i dont find one guys arguments as substantive. Maybe Watson was greedy and that is defn wrong considering what happenned, but my other side of the argument is something u never answered. What if the US turns to extreme extreme right, something worse than the Bush government, some government that declares emergency and infringes on individual rights more than what is currently done.. dont tell me it cant happen.. no one knew what nazi germany and hitler were capable of when they took power in 1933. and only in 1939 did the us declared war on germany.. do u think the corporates in the usa shud move away frm that market and not operate from the US because there is a possibility of such regime in the future thanks to Karl roves and the skewed definitions of the doctrine of morality and free world?

corporate ethics is defined by the organisations value system. Agreed there are some basic tenets of goodness defined but we both know that there is no two persons with the same value system or marality. So one man's ethics is another's greed.. isnt that always true? Yes, not cheating the stake holders is a ethics to be upheld, not going agains what you said u will do is to be upheld, not polluting the environment more than agreed upon carbon credits is to be upheld.. There are parameters within which an organisation works. Let us face it man, the world is not perfect. The anti capitalists and anti globalists, environmentalists keep shouting from there saying u are killing the planet, let us go back to stone age. on the other side u have the corporates some of which are greedy and some of which are moderate. You have these two on two sides of the scale. the question is balance. You cannot expect a world to do away with the need to run an economy and drop everything and do a mahatma gandhi (wear khadi and spin cotton and do agricultural sustainence).. that is an extreme, also one cannot expect the world to be based only on materialism and making more money... i say Choose a lesser evil for greater good and let the world have lesser moral policing.. I agree most corporate are greedy and have short term considerations in the mind and this is a serious issue which the management crowd has been debating on how to resolve and there is a whole set of initiatives under corporate social responsibility. Yes in the longer run, the stock market does pay u if u are ethical. enron is an example , world com is an example.. the stock market lost faith in these companies when the leaks happenned.. and if u take a look at the stock market, there have been cases of companies falling because of wrong practices..

i dont believe corporate ethics is dead. i believe that the corporate bashers demand an extreme while not understanding and appreciating the problems and demands a corporate faces.. Run a company where u have to ensure survival of the company and pay for 60 employees and go to sleep with the thought that if u screw up these 60 guys will be out of a job.. then u know how tough it is to balance ethics and morality versus existence. it all comes down to mazlow's hierarchy of needs. no one talks of environmental issues in a developing country cos people want the basics. its only in developed countries does environmental issues come to toe fore because they have the basic needs fulfilled. it works like that.. i am not saying i will sell my value system but i have no qualms in saying that if i have to pay 6000$ bribe in india to ensure that my office is up and running fast so that i can pay these employees and create value, i will do it, even if god (if there is one) puts me in hell for that. cos thats the price i pay to ensure that i can create value. i can stay away by not paying that bribe but i am not doing justice.. one the other side, if i am asked to pay a bribe or a cut to get the business from a client i will never do that. my value system allows the former but not the latter. thats my mazlows table. u might question that both are wrong, I agree a wrong is a wrong, i am not denying that, all i am saying is i weight my wrongs against my value system.. yes u will argue that anything can be justified, sure i agree, but as i said its the question of ones value system, what is wrong for u might be right for me and thats the story..its all relativity and as morrie says conflict between the extremes it is always..

by not going in to china, google might loose market, loose to competition and in the longer run it might lead to this organisations competitiveness being threatened which means a loss of a lot of value in terms of jobs, or even the technology that was created. by not going in there you are not helping anything, china will stay the same in the short term whether google goes in or not so there is no difference. by going into china, i am not killing someone, i am not cheating someone, i am not destroying value. yes i am giving away some of my freedom of operations in following some regulations, but that is the world.. didnt the USA sign the patriot act after sep 11.. wasnt I called in for "random" checks whenever i boarded a flight(the other question is random checks happened on all flights i travelled for me), but thats a price i pay for making sure i am safe.. similarly i think googles move is a price they pay for betterment of society. In my view there is no society in this world which is not repressive one way or the other, its question of relativity again.

And by the way, do u know of these "repressions of facts" in the so called free world : France and Germany require censorship for Nazi sites, and the U.S. requires censorship based on the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. These are local Laws. How is google following local laws in China any different?

As for the 9 dollar fall that is because of earnings were below expectations. And as for the examples of corporate ethics and corporate social responsibility goes here they are.

Merck and Mectizan:On October 21, 1987, Merck & Co., Inc., announced plans to donate Mectizan (ivermectin), a new medicine designed to combat onchocerciasis ('river blindness'), for as long as it might be needed. Merck took this action, working in collaboration with international experts in parasitology, the World Health Organization, and other agencies to reach those affected by the illness. You can find more information when do a google on Merck and Mectizan. Some insider information based on a case i studied at school. When Merck developed this drug, everyone from WHO to all NGOs refused to distribute it citing costs. Finally Merck distributed the drug itself..

‘Access to Electricity’ programs initiated by ABB as part of its Corporate Social Responsibility Activities in a few less developed parts of the world. The program was begun at Ngarambe, a village situated near the Selous Game Reserve in Tanzania. Here, the program was able to bring electricity to Ngarambe and besides, the electrification project helped in the economic and social development of the village while taking care of environmental concerns. ABB used the ‘Access to Electricity’ project as a learning experience and committed itself to undertaking more such corporate social responsibility activities with the long term aim of generating stable revenues.

Read about J&J's costly but efficient recall program when Tylenol got laced with cyanide. company could have held the line that the contamination happenned outside its manufacturing process as it was established but thats not CSR.

Look at some of HSBC's CSR initiatives.

These are just some i know of. Of course, I can also cite a list of Corporate Social Irresponsibilities by corporations examples include the case of Ford's Pinto, to Nike's labor policies etc to name a few. I do agree that the number of cases of CSIR are more than CSR as management is constantly caught between the need to make short term profits versus greater good and my stance is one cannot expect a black and white path or demand a black and white path. the road is going to be grey. What i see however in the world today is cynicism, which i believe is a besetting sin of those who claim to be upholding "morality" and "virtuosness".

Google's googly or was it China's?

2006-02-01T10:03:00.000+08:00

Just when i finish writing an article about ethics and capitalism, google, one of the organisations that i held in high regard because of its strict privacy policies and ethics, whose esteem rose further when they asked the Bush government to go screw themselves in not releasing information that is private, bends over backward for the chinese.

There are definitely two sides of arguments to this whole deal. One side of me says Corporate code of conduct and ethics has once again put up for sale!!! Google's argument that by getting into China albeit giving up what they held core, they are providing a service that people lack and in time they will open up. I believe that it is just a play of words hidden inside which lies the truth which is "I want a share of the market, to hell with ethics". This is entirely in agreement with the what reporters without borders say or what even Girish's arguments in his post. Although i do understand where he is coming from and agree with most points, i have my reservations.

Now let us look at the other side of the coin. The easiest wash off will be oh btw, google already owned a good chunk of baidu, the home grown chinese search engine so this is nothing new, but that doesnt tell the whole story. Agreed, if all the non mainland based search engine companies come together and self sanction then maybe the chinese government will have to agree. But then what is the government gaining by letting these companies in? If i am going to enforce sanctions, the chinese government will think different.. they are not iraq. What will it take for them to float a government linked corporation within china which launches a search engine that is totally regulated by the government? absolutely nothing.. what will the world say then.. oh yes.. fine, the chinese have their own search engine...we know that they are repressive anyway, they are not using any of the western "Free" world companies or programs so hell with them.. wouldnt that be the reaction?

On a broader level, should companies that operate from the free world stop doing business with repressive countries? Is that the solution to everything? people cite IBM's watson's supposed link with Hitler but isnt that again just one side of the story. The other side is that ibm's german subsidiary was taken over by the nazis in 1941. one can find both sides of the argument in wikipedia. i am not absolving ibm neither am i crucifying them. i just dont have all the facts to say that ibm's business in nazi germany was against a corporate ethics, to say it was money over integrity. in a similar vein, what if in one of the "free" countries that these companies operate from decide to go extreme right and become pseudo repressive, will the companies move their corporate office someplace else? is that what one should expect.. we already know the supposedly free world is a pseudo free world driven by litigative society where everyone is as confused about individual rights as they are about gun control.

I do not know if the decision to go into china with these self imposed restrictions from google was motivated by a need to capture market and increase revenues or if there was a higher ulterior motive to get in there and make a slow change.. i am not a board member and i do not know the answer. but if i were a board member, i do know that in the US, if i am not making profits, my company will be taken to task by the share holders, by the same free market system that we are so wanting to build and sustain and whatever value i am creating in the society for the betterment of people will be at risk.. So i would go into to china if i was in their position. from the ethical stand point, yes staying away is the easy job, i can say yeah they are repressive so i wont go there. But i could be brave and decide to do the google.. get into china and be open about what i censor, but not agree to share private information. Google could have done a better job in conveying to its stake holders on its reasoning behind the decision than leave it so unclear. I think it is a brave decision, its a decision that probably tries to create greater good by agreeing to a lesser evil at present because if we believe that the world is moving forward to a place where there will be greater freedom and respect of individual rights, when that transition happens, Chinese will be ready to enjoy that. it is a decision that is probably the bext given the circumstances in both commerical and policital/ethical aspects.

In a lighter vein, maybe the chinese are forward thinkers after all, they are getting their subjects ready for a freer world one step at a time..

Objectivism Take III

2006-01-22T14:40:00.000+08:00

I made a mistake in my first post where in i didnt differentiate between objective reality and the concept of objectivism which has led to some holes in my arguments. In this post, i try to correct that and also put in paper my thoughts and takes on Objectivism and objective reality.

Objective reality in simplistic terms states that reality exists independent of human consciousness. The two laws that govern this are the law of identify (Ayn Rand's A is A) and Law of Causality that states that things act in accordance with their nature. Now, Girish stated the dictionary.com definition of objective reality which is "of, relating to, or being an object, phenomenon, or condition in the realm of sensible experience independent of individual thought and perceptible by all observers ". He makes a special note of "observable to everyone", but i differ! The definition states perception and not observance. Perception is different from observing. I believe one can perceive without observing. I believe that reality exists but need not be observed. Critiques of Ayn Rand use this observing logic and the law of uncertainity to argue against this philosophy. Einsteins theory of relativity was not proven in his lifetime that is why it was a theory, we also know that because of chaos theory and the uncertainity principle, systems are unpredictable in the long run and actually uncertainity theory also fails at a point.

Objectivism encompasses the four principles of objective reality, epistemology, ethics and politics. Objectivism, which is based on the preseumtion that objective reality exists states that given that objective reality exists, one must use reason in determining and understanding and acting upon that reality. While we know what is reality, we use our perceptions and reason to understand and act upon this reality. This perceiving and reasoning is termed epistemology. Now the issue is, in an utopia such as the world created in Atlas Shrugged, everybody has a similar background and hence the perception would be the same. In the actual world, the perceptions are affected by a lot more factors and no two persons can reason the same way. This is due to what we term as priori knowledge. Our perceptions and reasoning are affected by this priori knowledge which can be culture, background, geopolitics u name it...

About Ethichs and Policits, I do not want to get into the discussion of ethics because that is a different pot in itself, however objectivism talks about individual rights and capitalism which are under the purview of politics. Maybe i went to an extreme in Girish's arguments of regulation. The market today is definitely not a totally free market. Regulators exist everywhere with laws such as anti trust, anti monopoly and anti competition and you have WTO on top of this to regulate exactly the same conditions that have arisen in the chip market. However i agree with girish that all these do not co exist in the perfect way because of ethics and one other factor which is geographic boundaries that restrict movement of labor while allowing movement of trade of goods and services. Another aspect is the concept of ethics. In Objectivistic ethics, each individual considers self interest as the prime mover. In the utopia one must differentiate between good self interest and hedonistic self interest. If we take the VCs who dont fund a great new chip design, they are doing so because their ethics system is run by that which creates more value for me versus that which promotes the concept of human life, whereas in Utopia, people believe in the latter. This rarely happens in real world leading to situations in todays world where capitalism is becoming evil with concentrations of power. I do agree with girish that such a perfect world would never happen however i might want to glorify objectivism.

My take is neither theory is proved that is why they are still a theory. However, for me a simplistic concept of A is A doesnt need much observing. Reality is A is A! And everyone can agree on A being A in this world because this is independent of the mind. And decisions made on good "objective reasoning" always never fails. I rest my case stating that objectivism has some very good concepts to lead ones career by and in my 29 years of existence thus far, havent found a better philosophical outlook to practice or believe in when it comes to my career in business.

Objectivism and Objective Reality - Take II

2006-01-19T13:45:00.000+08:00

Since me and my pal Girish seem to be doing some intellectually simulating discussion (atleast for us) i decided to post these on the blog here. and since this "free" world is becoming more of a "watch what you say or be sued" world (more about freedoms regulated by governments vs freedoms regulated by litigative societies in another post), i better put a disclaimer stating that this blog and its entire content is my and my friends view and by reading our views the readers are exonerating us of any liabilities what soever even if it means u are going to get a heart attack after reading my probably lousy arguments.

Now to get serious .. Girish has the following responses to my previous post.. I will provide my arguments in a third post later today or tomorrow..

1. "Objective reality exists but this reality exists for each person and not as a whole" --- this is essentially subjective reality. When each man has his own reality, then it becomes subjective -- it is objective only as long as everyone agrees with it. Objective reality is by definition common to everyone. Here is the definition from www.dictionary.com -- "of, relating to, or being an object, phenomenon, or condition in the realm of sensible experience independent of individual thought and perceptible by all observers (objective reality)". It is *independent* of individual thought, and observable by everyone. So, when you personalize reality to each person, it immediately becomes subjective.

2. Economics is nothing but applied mathematics. If you agree that objectivity is debatable in mathematics, then it follows that it is also debatable in economics. Of course, you can always find problems in math, physics and economics that is generally accepted to be solved (ie. objective reality exists), but when you get in deeper, you will always come across unsolvable problems. In economics, consider game theory. I believe that most problems in game theory are inherently intractable (i.e., the same problem as exists with P vs. NP). Another recent advance in economics is the concept of "auction theory" (closely related to game theory) -- this is being used for determining the best strategy for placing bids on e-bay, say. Given all the parameters of such a problem, you can still not determine the optimal bidding strategy despite the fact that there are no unknowns.

3. Good observation on deconstructing objectivism in the human realm.

4. Kanags, you have completely misunderstood my take on capitalism. I said " but have my reservations about perpetuating status quo once it has performed its function of uplifting the economy", but you interpreted this as "capitalism shall prevail until there is the government has filled its coffers and then the government will sieze the assets and make the enterprises a function of the state". You should know better than anyone else that capitalism (in its purest form) does not fill up government coffers. Secondly, the negation of capitalism does not automatically imply communism. There is a large continuum between pure capitalism and pure socialism (although nobody has witnessed pure socialism as envisioned by Marx). Think of it this way --- the problem with any economic model is the concentration of power. When power is concentrated, it is almost sure to be misused and abused by the power-wielders. Yes, there are good samaritans but it is hardly sustainable across multiple generations. This is the inherent failure of communism and socialism (including the model envisioned by Marx) -- government by definition has complete control over the economy in socialism, meaning that they have all the power. Socialism assumes that the government is always benign if it is democratically elected -- we know how naivety in this. As history has shown, this cannot sustain itself. When a country is poor, capitalism works very well. In part, this is also because in a poor state, there is a notion of a "level playing field". Why? Because in essence most people are poor to start with -- there is not much (if any) of an income gap. In this atmosphere it works very well. But, after a few generations, the class divide (as I talked about in my review), and as pointed out by Sebastian Mallaby in a Washington Post Op-ed article begins to open social cravasses. Concentration of wealth starts to become noticeable. A century later, the problem just becomes chronic -- it is a well-known fact that more than 70% of USA's economy is controlled by less than 20% of the population (I may have got the exact numbers wrong, but they are something like this). Thus, with prolonged capitalism, economic control and thus *power* gets concentrated amongst these capitalists --- this situation is as bad as communism which is nothing but a state monopoly. A quintessential example of this fact is the chip fabrication industry. It is a well known fact that literally nobody today can raise enough capital (no matter how many VCs he knows and how well he knows them) to either buy or to start up a chip fabrication plant. The players in the field today, Intel, AMD, etc will essentially control this sector of the economy for a *long* time to come. The change is already evident -- Apple is now switching to Intel as well (IBM is out of the game already). This has consequences already -- it is a well-known fact amongst computer architects that the microprocessors we use are not the best design that has been discovered (in other words, you could have faster and less-power-consuming processors, but you don't because of this reason). In fact, go to a Comp. Arch. symposium and the leading researchers will scorn at Intel's architecture. Why haven't these ideas survived to the market? Because Intel or AMD didn't envision them. They had enough market and economic arm power to resist these ideas from entering the market. Think ten years back -- there were at least 2 more uP companies - DEC and Compaq -- today both are gone. This is my point -- concentration of economic power -- whether in the government (in communism) or amongst a select few industrialists (in sustained capitalism) is not good. What I am suggesting is regulated capitalism. Let it be a little a less free market. The problem, of course, is who regulates this market? The regulators will in turn gain power, which is what we wanted to avoid in the first place. The ideal solution is where nobody can arm-wrestle the market. So, when I say "reservations about perpetuating status quo", I do not mean a return to communism, but a regulation of capitalism. I do not know how, and I am almost positive (call it the "Girish Conjecture" ;)) that we will never know the best (perfect) economic model as we do not know the perfect bidding strategy in e-bay or game strategy in 'go'.

Objectivism and Atlas Shrugged

2006-01-16T17:09:00.000+08:00

I read this book for the first time when i was 18 years old. At that age (circa 1994) when i was discovering myself, india had just been liberalised and i had just closed a chapter where i told my dad much to his chagrin that i am not keen on being a beaurocrat in the IAS or IFS or IPS, Ayn Rand's take on objectivism and capitalism did make a huge impact on me. They were like for me a guiding light to someone who didnt know what he wanted to do. I didnt know much about any other philosophies and thoughts that were existing and this one seemed to fit into my world quiet easily. Maybe because i had always been proud of the fact that i am mostly rational, highly egoistic and wanted to make money.

I continued reading Ayn Rand. Read Fountainhead, we the living, the anthem, virtue of selfishness to name a few through my college days..I made up my mind i will be a capitalist, i will be rational and will follow this theory of objectivism

Few Years passed, I read more, varied subjects and i experienced life...which has some of the the most important lessons, and i started thinking about objectivism and Ayn Rand's philosophies. I re-read Atlas Shrugged and Fountainhead and the rest of the books when i was 25 before i decided to do my MBA. and this time i was not fanatic about her philosophies. I realised that she talks about an utopia, and most people who do not agree with capitalism and believe that business around the world are incarnations of the devil are another.

I have had multiple discussions, heated arguments about her thoughts with my friends one of whom is Girish who has written a wonderful essay and review about his views on Atlas Shrugged. You can find them here . Although I agree with a lot of his statements, i disagree on a few things.

1. Objective reality exists but this reality exists for each person and not as a whole. The problem is each ones perceptions of reality is different leading to different outcomes. This perception as Girish points out could be common only in defined sciences like Physics or Mathematics and even there its still under discussion. But he misses out one science - economics. Economics is purely based on objective reality. Demand and supply is objective, they are given, everyone knows about these, we have a good enough judgement of how much ptable water there is, how much non polluted air there is, how many barrels of petrol there are etc etc also we all know who needs these. The knowledge is common and is the reality. Demand and supply are always on the two sides of a scale, and in a given world with a given set of resources which everyone knows and shares economics defines the laws of demand and supply and the science behind how to use the resources in an effective way. Ignoring this one will definitely question why capitalism and objectivsm go hand in hand..

2. objective reality in a human relationship is an overkill and i agree with Girish's arguments. The primary reason i do not believe in objective reality as common across all humans is because of the concept of perception. Objectivsm itself defines three axioms : existence, identity and the third one is Consciousness. here consciousness is defined as the faculty of perception and this is never the same across two human beings and this is why one cannot have a common reality.

3. objectivism is basically ones own understanding of reality based on his perceptions rather than understanding of reality based on others (such as relegion) or understanding reality based on matters of personal preference (subjectivity). I honeslty prefer an objective outlook rather than a subjective one or that is defined by relegion or other doctrines

4. Capitalism: I agree with Girish on everything till he comes to the part where he says " but have my reservations about perpetuating status quo once it has performed its function of uplifting the economy". I believe he has failed to understand the concept of free market and a moral and ethical society here. I am interpreting this as "capitalism shall prevail until there is the government has filled its coffers and then the government will sieze the assets and make the enterprises a function of the state". Isnt that what communism did, isnt that what india did with nationalising.. In what way is it just and ethical to take from a man that he has created. Isnt this action that of curbing my freedom. An enterprise is a creation isnt it? Why would you want to take ownership opf something that i created? I would prefer to continue my arguments after i hear from Girish what he meant by his statement.

till then viva la capitalism!!!!

Chores...

2006-01-10T12:38:00.000+08:00

there is one chore that i hate the most and that is pressing my clothes. It is such a boring job that i always usually procrastinate or outsource it but then it has been 6 months since i had a maid and i had a pileo f 40 clothes lying on the table waiting to be pressed. Over the past 6 months all i did was press a pair of shirt and pants in the morning everyday but then this saturday i decided to clean up my act.

so after spending about 40 minutes at the foot reflexology and then getting conned by a salon where i went to get my hair cut, for 40 Singapore dollars, dont even ask..., after buying a new dvd player that can play mp3s and divx apart from a host of stuff, i got back home and vaccumed every corner and then mopped the floor. whew man it is tiring but then i didnt feel bored. Got te dvd player connected to the TV and blasted U2 before i began this most boring job on earth.. finished 30 clothes over 2 hours.. still have 10 more to go....

And the countdown for 2006 happenned in.....

2006-01-05T12:54:00.000+08:00

you wont believe it.. it happenned by the beach alongside some cool friends with a glass of champagne and with me as usual on the verge of drunkenhood.

Dec 31 11:30 AM... I hear the cell ringing in the distance.. "nah man.. i said to myself, its just too early to get up and its a saturday anyway and i need the energy to party tonight.. wonder where i am going to go this time.. well arvind aka focu will figure something out", i tell myself and roll over and go to sleep.. wake up after another hour and 30 minutes.. missed call.. from our very own focu.. "why is he calling this early.. does he have a plan".. call him and there comes the volley of words from focu on the other line "Dude.. where the eff have you been.. you have like 5 minutes to get ready, we are catching the cab to Mersing and then a ferry to tioman. the last boat is at 4:30 and we are running it very close indeed.. so get your arse to queens.. do u know where queens st is.. in 20 minutes" time now : 1:05.. I am like.. shitt.. how the hell am i gonna pack in 5 minutes.. but then u must realise i am no girl and i am no ordinary boy either.. am the one and only kanags.. so out comes the overnighter. in goes two jeans, two shirts in all its crumpled state, two shorts, two t shirts.. and hey the underwear.. oh yes the toileteries.. what did i forget.. oh yes the cell phone cable, the spectacle case, oops.. the passport.. socks.. anything else? hmm no time.. the sandals, swimming trunks.. think...think.. what else.. .. well i think am ok.... dress up, close all windows, call from focu.. Addie on the line giving directions where to meet.. lock door, down to the cab in 10 minutes.. time 1:15.. gotta take cab.. luckily cab present.. off we go.. uncle queens street, JB bus stand need to be ther 1:30.. cab wala needs no other incentive than a chance to kill his passenger by overspeeding.. and this time he gets a willing guniea pig.. so off we go.. i reach the stand at 1:35.

And off we go in the cab to Mersing in Malaysia. takes about 3 hours and its 1:40 now. The cab is an old vehicle and the AC takes like 30 mintues to reach a state of "yeah babe i am cool" so we wait bickering about it to each other while the cabbie is busy navigating the busy roads in singapore. Meanwhile, I am like shucks.. i forgot my camera.. after another 10 mintues.. shucks i forgot my books.. another few minutes and shucks i forgot the sunscreen.. well who cares.. i am hungry now havent had a drink since i got up.. well we have to wait till we cross the border. So we get busy filling in the papers. nothing interesting happenned apart from pulling each others legs, and listening to arvind's focussed plans on what he wants to do in the holiday trying to play this game of counting cars that have license numbers ending in a number of our choice (thanks to Pooja who wanted to keep all of us awake)

We crossed the border and after buying a few snacks and water we hit the road to mersing. We had less than 2 hours and 120 kms to hit and the cars were really slow ahead of us and this being a one lane road. And then we all got into this destructive state of mind where each of us tried to figure a way to go faster, i was hoping to get a gun filled with nails to shoot the tires of the slow cab while arvind wanted the road rollers and Pooja wanted to just drive fast... in any case.. time was running out.. the last ferry was at 4:30 and we had to hit the target else a night in Mersing..

As providence would have it we reached on time and the ferry was delayed thanks to tides.. The boat finally left at 5:40 PM. Man it was a speed boat and was a killer. By 40 minutes my neck started hurting bad cos of the choppy seas which made the speed boat fly into the air and land with a huge thud on the water while travelling like at i dont know some X knots per hour.. Reached Tioman at like 7:00 PM. Man the island was awesome the water by the island was crystal clear and had a slight tinge of aqua blue haze. the island was covered with thick tropical forests and this was paradise.. Am not good at describing these things.. u can see photos below

Well the countdown finally happenned by the beach while sipping Champagne and Kisch Wais a german liquer (40% alcohol content 90% proof) with some cool fireworks while "washing the waves and chilling out wishing everyone a Newwy Hep year.." hic.. hic..

Happy New year everyone

Pics at http://www.flickr.com/photos/mailarvi/sets/1725581/

The year of turnarounds?

2005-12-27T03:16:00.000+08:00

another eventful (for the most part) year drawing to a close and as it has been the case for a lot of nights this year, i am still sleepless..i could be all corny and write about being sleepless in singapore but then it wouldnt make any sense, just another set of babble from this moron..

as the year draws to a close, i am scared of facing the next one.. not scared as in shit scared but i believe its going to be a watershed year.. its going to make or break a lot of things right from my career to my personal life. From a career perspective, the startup i am working in is in the verge of a turn around and growth and we can eiher make or break this company this year. one wrong move and we are in a shithole. Got to steer it through the narrow fjords and shallow waters without breaching the hull or ending in a sand bank with no cash.. man its gonna be one hell of a ride and to start it, i am supposed to be strategising on this and also be a part executing it. On the personal front, the pressure to get married will rise higher as the months go by and this is the most scary part for me.. the ability to find someone with whom i can spend the rest of my life with.. ok i might be romanticising this part here but then it is a gamble especially when it is this arranged marriage. Right now it is stuck in that part where the girls my parents think are suitable dont fall under my suitability radar. expectations mismatch.. it is as simple as that and i just cant seem to get my parents to look at my point of view and for the first time in my life i am being as stubborn as they come with my folks.. no way, i am not screwing up my life on this.... one wrong decision and my ship is sunk...

actually the personal life is in much dire straits than the career. i am sure we can always get the company, there is always a second chance, but with the marriage, one screw up and you are done..
so there you go.. the next year is definitely going to be one hell of a ride and i can expect more sleepless nites... i wish life were much simpler but then i wouldnt be enjoying it :) maybe the year will be good for turn arounds.. i could possibley end up turning around both the company and my parents view point..it helps to be optimisitc..

Content overload

2005-12-23T01:09:00.000+08:00

I was just wondering.. there is so much content out there in the web these days. Especially in the blogdom, where people air their views on a multitude of subjects in a variety of ways and have arguments, discussions etc etc.. isnt there a better way of capturing this content in a way that could be grasped and portrayed in a much better way than RSS or search. When you do an RSS, all we get is a list of all the latest additions to a particular space that is syndicated or when you do a search its a list again based on some criteria such as page rank, isnt there any other way of identifying and segregating this content, maybe by how others feel about it but that could be very democratic and can be skewed, by the veracity of the content or any other criteriat/meta tags. is there a better way to store content that can facilitate an easier retrieval than search engine/rss? have i gone mad or am i in the starting steps of the next best thing since the internet? who knows.. its 1:15 am and i am still not sleepy.. so it could be just another random thought..

2005-12-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

Well i was just going through my old photos and i saw this.. nostalgia....

The three cool dudes at the INSEAD graduation.. well ok ok..not the three cool dudes.. two cool dudes and the one you can call him whatever u want..

MBA - Mostly Bungled Autopsy

2005-12-19T14:31:00.000+08:00

One of my friends asked me today how did INSEAD MBA help me. So i decided to do an analysis or an autopsy now that its more than 2 years since i graduated. Why the hell did i do my mba in the first place.. when i look back at this , lets ignore the story we fabricated in the essays shall we.. the real reasons for me were - get out of the morbidly boring life style that i had gotten into, get up go to work eat, work, get home, sleep, routine with a few visits to new jersey and maybe a few visits to the bars strewn in here and there. It was becoming a horrendously insipid life and the company i used to work for - infosys, it didnt care as long as they were making 50% over margin on my work.. and didnt even have proper performance based incentives and recognition then.. i was just another nerdish software project manager and when I saw some arrogant harvard grads in the project managers office at my clients who stopped short of laughing at some cool ideas the nerdish software project managers came up with, the reasons were complete..

So what did i gain from doing my mba and graduating at a really awful time when the economy was so sluggish that mbas were asked to be door mats or hankies for miserly pays, lets see.. a net worth that is negative and will take about another 4 years at the current rate of growth of my pay (guess u can ignore this part cos i decided to work my ass off in a startup), a newly attained nirvana that was bought about by the acquisition of some new analytical skills which tell me that doing the mba to move from nerdish software project manager to arrogant white collars was a sheer waste of time and money as other than bringing you into a new congregation doesnt really add much value especially if u graduate at the wrong curve of economic cycles. and lastly, it kinda makes u a cynic.. and what about the morbidly insipid life.. well that has not changed except for the great one year at the campus...

so if u are entering an mba school cos of the reasons i listed above thing twice.. so there u go... u jsut read a mostly bungled autopsy on my mba.. and one more reason why i call it a mostly bungled autopsy is cos the case studies that one goes through during an mba, they are always a post mortem, ex-post and never ex-ante. One can always go back and say one could have and should have done something else or analyse the reasons behind a particular decision and the entire mba stream is built around ex-post analysis using which one speculates on the future. forget the economics and finance which work on logic, the strategy is purely ex poste. you will find several "i know it alls" giving great thoughts on what should have been but i wonder if they would have been if they were asked to make a decision at the time the case actually happenned. It is so easy to talk ex poste. So there you go, i have used my case study to tell you what i should have done before taking up an mba, but i know that cos i did an mba.. so its kinda catch 22 dont u think..

Of Crushes and Closures

2005-12-19T10:45:00.000+08:00

I had long lost contacts with this friend of mine from my undergrad days. Her emails were bouncing and i didnt know any one who was in touch with her. No, before you start to imagine things, let me get it straight, she was a good friend and i didnt do anything stupid for her to cut me off. the last time i talked to her was in 2001 when she was in univ of maryland. Anyways, i finally got her email contacts through a friend of mine who is in touch with her close friend X. Well i also knew X, but i have since lost touch with X for numerous other reasons.

Where am i going with this blog.. well you will know.. I met X in my third year at Pilani. X was a very pretty and smart girl, and was probably the first girl i asked out. I just went up to her and asked her if she would have coffee with me.. and she did! I think to this date, i have never had a bigger crush on anyone else. U always had this feeling of butterflies and moths and every other thing that you can imagine flying in your stomach, but then i was so stupid and immature those days that i didnt know how to handle this and ended up bungling it so bad that i think i came across as a psychopathic stalker. Yeah thats right.. thats exactly how it looks when i think back at those days.. man i was a dumb nincompoop when it came to this and no nothing has changed now.. i still act like that when i am smitten..

Anyways, at the end of it, i lost touch with X bcos one day i realised my interactions werent welcome and somehow very strangely and for once when my brain acted like it existed, i realised i was acting like a stalker. So i just pulled back.. but never really came to apologising for the silly things i did.. when you think of them now, man those situations were so damn awkward but then u hardly ever think when you have butterflies in your stomach..

sometimes when i am looking at my old photographs from those days, i remember the times i had in college and relive them with my pals whenever i meet them, but these one set of events took a bad turn always stay in the back of my head during such times cos i believe i did do somethings stupid and never really apologised... it still needs closure. I have no idea how to close this.. guess some things never have a closure...

A day in the life of me

2005-11-24T20:11:00.000+08:00

I wonder why anywone would want to read this post. I mean who in their sane mind would they even care what I do on a daily basis and most importantly, why would the same sane person would ever want to be like Me?

Tough question to answer. Moreover, one will have to question if this question even has a plausible answer. Cos if the person who answers why would probably be insane and in that case one will have to discount the answer and the person who is sane would not answer at all. So there you go.. i just discovered a question that doesnt have a reasonably rational answer. But in any case, i guess i will have to write about a day in the life of me. But that brings me to the next question.. life.. what is life.. if you are leading a whatever you can call it like me, then one would begin to wonder why i exist. Nah, it is not that terribly bad, but its just that since i got back from india, all i have been doing is get up, go to work, get back and hit the bed, try to sleep, get up, walk about (you can read more of this in the previous post) and then try to sleep again until sleep hits me just because it had gone tired of letting me chase it.

I had one of the most lousiest days i can. A visit to the data center that had to take 1 hour took 4 hours and although the servers did not crash (touch wood!!!) , if it did it would have been the zenith of my day.. What is a director e-learning solutions as mentioned in my company's website doing in a data center? Well that my friends is what you do when you are in a startup.. you do everything from checking on servers to checking on clients.. Well when i am in a better mood will write about the day in the life of a director e-learning solutions..

Insomnia and Somnambulism

2005-11-22T20:47:00.000+08:00

There is a very thin line between Insomnia and Somnambulism, yes that is if u ignore the fact that both have the latin root somnos in it. the thin line is walking. I mean, can anyone distinguish between when someone walks when he is suffering from insomnia and someone who is actually sleep walking? I am at present suffering from streaks of insomnia and end up pacing my house and the balcony and sometimes it does feel like you are sleep walking, walking around with no purpose watsoever. the difference is not quite apparent to me but that might be because although i think i have all the senses up and ready, since i am sleep walking or walking with no sleep.. i have not enough power in my already nimble brain to figure out what is what. whatever it be, i need some sleep.. is it something i can buy with my mastercard?

Of Sanias and Fatwas

2005-11-20T20:48:00.000+08:00

If i were the ruling authority in India, the first thing i would do is issue a fatwa against Hypocrites who have issued fatwa against Sania, the hypocrites who have been protesting in Tamil Nadu about a statement from the actress Kushboo who had talked about the need to be aware of aids, especiallty with raising pre marital sex in Tamil nadu.

I mean, where were these hypocrites when Zeenat Aman came baring everything in Qurbani. She was a muslim wasnt she? Or where were these hypocrites when Mumtaz, who is also a muslim danced around Dev Anand and Rajesh Khanna. I can list a number of muslim actresses who do what they call item numbers in bollywood movies and in tamil and telugu movies. These same buggers would be watching these movies drooling away to glory and when it comes to one Sania Mirza ranked 31st in WTA playing her game, they cant afford to see her in her tennis attire.

Moral policing is slowly becoming a birth right to a number of these relegious and political institutions. The constitution guarantees our fundamental rights and it is our fundamental right to do what we want and dress the way we dress, and party when we want to party. It is an individual's right as long as it doesnt infringe on anyone's rights. Today, in chennai, all bars close at 12:00, fair enough if its being a nuisance to the public, but its unfair and unust if it is not. There was a 30 minute article on a local TV about the new Disco culture. And the next day, some hypocrites were raising a hue and cry over the discos and the fact that some girls were drinking and smoking. Who are they to decide if someone can dance, smoke or drink. India cries foul over Moral policing in Afghanistan, and the muslim countries. I guess India should shut up and clean its own house first before it can shout foul to its neighbours.

The governement..i am beginning to wonder if that by itself is a synonym for hypocricy.

There and back again...

2005-11-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

Been neglecting this space for a while now. Have tons to write about and not enough time to get into the details at the moment. Tell you what, my life isnt that interesting as it used to be so why dont i just leave snippets of wisdom here.

1. Decided to go home for Diwali and had converted my long outstanding miles in US Airways to a free Singapore Airlines round tip ticket from Madras. As my luck would have it, just as i was getting ready to travel, one of the gods of the hindu Mythology, i guess it is Varuna, decided that i had not workshipped him enough and hence sent in a cyclone to madras. Ended up spending a bit on the telephones to check if the chennai airport is all open and in the end the apart from some intermitent turbulence on the flight there was no problem.
2. The real problem happenned after i landed in Chennai. All trains leaving Chennai to Vijaywada, which is a small town by the banks of river Krishna and that lays in between Hyderabad (200km), Vishakapatinum (400Km) and Chennai (400km) were cancelled cos about 1/2 km of tracks including abridge had been washed away by the cyclone. As i sat there calling airlines to book a ticket to hyderabad and take the train on to vijayawada, i learnt that there was a train crash on the link between Vijayawada and Hyderabad killing 300 people. may they rest in peace. And the Vishakapatinum airport was flooded as well which left me with one option and that was to take a bus or a car from chennai. But apparently couple of rivers between chennai and Vijayawada was overflowing on the highway as well. So there i was stuck halfway.. And then my dad decided to drive down to Chennai and pick me up as soon as the flood recede and he landed the same day.
3. Driving from Chennai to Vijaywada was an eye opener for me. The indian infrastructure had changed tremondously. although there are still improvements needed, the highways are awesome. can you imagine driving 400 kms in 6 hours in India. 8 years back it would have been as unthinkable as me dancing with Aishwarya Rai in a bollywood movie. Although the latter still remains unthinkable, the former has become a reality.
4. For all those eligible bachelors over there, never dream of going home on a long vacation when your parents have started looking for a bride. Although they are trying to do you good, it is a very awkward situation to be in looking at like 10 resumes and doing a selection..its really awkward, but anyway, i somehow escaped getting hitched this time citing one reason or the other and now am back in singapore as single as ever but a couple of pounds extra thanks to mom's food.
5. Saw tons of tamil movies that i had not seen for ages. One movie that really impressed me was this movie called Autograph. Awesome it was and i swear it did make me relive a few of my own memories.

Anyways, as you can see, apart from teh 10 days break that i too between oct 28 and Nov 7th and the one week i spent in the Delhi office before returning to singapore on nov 12th, my life has been as mediocre as it can get apart from this incident where i had to break into my own bedroom.

I seriously need to get a hold on myself and start doing something other than get up, work, eat, work, eat, go back home, play xbox, watch tv and go to sleep. oh yeah, got to watch the new harry potter..

2005-10-19T20:59:00.000+08:00

In the end, i reached home...Safe but shaken and a little bit stirred as well. only thing missing was the bond girls. The Cabbie had just avoided a collision on his blind spot when he was turning a corner. Before i start blaming the cabbie, i am beginning to wonder about the engineering talents of the car industry. Whey would someone want to create a beautiful machine such as the mercedes slk or a porsche carera or a bmw z3 or a ferrari and create a blind spot... This is total utter failiure of usability. Every gadget we have has certain flaws and this flaw is by far the worst. i buy a car to travel, to ensure that i go from one place to the next having fun on the way, its a creature of comfort.. and when i am using it, why should i be so careful about all these aspects such as brake at the right time, look out for blind spots etc..why cant they hae engineered a better solution..They should read inmates are running the asylum i guess..

Anyways, the cab i had gotten into at the airport was driven by this really old guy.. Not once during the entire journey did he go over 60 km per hour even when the expressway was built to have a speed limit of 90km per hour. And he was weaving across lanes as though the lanses were built for him to weave on. In the end he almost collided with this car that was in his blind spot...wonder how the cab companies let these guys have a job..

2005-10-11T21:00:00.000+08:00

Why is it that when you are not doing something that you should be doing, that everyone around you picks up exactly that moment to do exactly those things that they would have never done before just to end up noticing that you are not doing what you were supposed to be doing. Well technically, i guess this question does not have an answer and can be linked to one Mr. Murphy who went ahead and defined these laws and by defining these laws he gave them the life source to exist and do what they are good at doing. Wonder what would have happenned if Mr.Murphy never penned these laws down, everyone would have probably gone on doing what they are supposed to be doing anyway and no one could have pointed out that somethings are not the way they are and wouldnt be casting Mr.Murphy the "i hate you" looks which i am sure he gets every other minute while he squirms where ever he is right now. you know, somethings are not meant to be defined, its best left as they are. Atleast no one would blame it all on you.. now look what happens, anything goes wrong, blame it on murphy.. i mean, how many blames can this guy take?

Well digressing is my speciality and i should be awarded the best honor one can imagine for this aspect. I wanted to write about how damn busy i had been the past month that i had ignored blogdom and by now, those poor visitors to my blog would have imagined this bugger has gone to kingdom come. well unfortunately, i am still around to cause some more chaos in this world. Too many things to write about.. The past month has been chaotic and just not enough time for just myself. No not that i have gone and got married.. but just got busy with work.. I guess i must stop writing as though i am the only person on this world who is working. Guess i am just not good at managing my work and personal life. It sucks doesnt it.. Guess i am bound to lead my life in the office space and one of these days i am going to be like.. " i see hung computers"..

2005-10-10T00:05:00.000+08:00

Its 17:79 hours Singapore Standard Time (I think thats what it is called. Note to myself: find out!!). I just finished another long day at my desk. You see I made this choice to work as a research associate when I could have spent some time after my MBA really looking for a job that i want to do. But I didnt. Why? because I wasnt sure what I wanted to do. One thing was sure.. i defintiely did not want to go back into the software services industry as a project manager or IT consultant. Nothing personal dudes and dudies (btw, does anyone know the feminine form for dude? I am assuming its "dudies". hehe. Dont assume I have a sick sense of humor i know!! cos you know, Assumption is the mother of all screw ups) .

Anyways, getting back to where I was, the day was long because I wasnt really happy with my work today. I have a long list of things to do but for some reason, I am not able to get myself to get on top of them. I wonder why. I chose this work because i wanted to do this research . I wanted to talk to people .but i havent got myself to talk to anyone yet. I have to start tomorrow. If you ask me "tomorrow" is the worst word in English. Nothing should be left for tomorrow.. It must be done today.. Now.. Reminds me of one of Sant Kabir's poems that are called Dohas. This one i learnt in my 10th grade i believe.. In hindi it goes..Kal karen so aaj kar. Aaj karen so ab. ..Kal me pralay ho jayega..(I dont remember the rest.. does anyone know.. could u finish this one for me. I would appreciate it). To translate.. it says, all that you could do tomorrow, do them today, and of the to do list for today, do them now. Because, tomorrow might never exist and what would you do then.. A perfect quote for time management. No!.. I am good at time management.. Its just that something is troubling me and I have to find out what.. I have to get back to my work and get this thing done.. Actually, this string of thoughts has got me moving,. I am off to finish my list of things.. before I go for my swimming lessons. Yes, finally I am learning to swim and getting over my fear of drowning.

2005-10-09T21:02:00.000+08:00

My parents are deep into the girl searching mode and they are coupling it with finding the boy for my sister as well. so they seem to be reallly stressed. I have given up being a lousy son and have bought into this idea..well those who know me might think i knew this was coming.. this bugger was just putting on a show ..haha..well i am skeptical but then no point fighting a strong current, better to go along with the flow and see where the next island is.. well, i think i should make a movie about this whole you are 29 time to get married and girl search and meet girl etc etc thing..it might be the next cool movie cos i am sure there are hundreds of folks out there who would be able to empathise with what i am going through.

let me stop whining about that phase of life. well actually nothing interesting is happening out here otherwise, same old go to office, same old firefightings and new proposals to be written, hang out with friends, golfingm well actually now i am totally into my XBOX. playing this cool game called splinter cell. man its really awesome.. i spent last 2 days staying awake until 2 pm in the night to finish some rounds..

well that reminds me.. actually there is some news that i have to jot down here. guess what.. i am not only going Bald, i am becoming what I would term "spectac(le)ular.... you bet.. i had this nagging feeling last month that something is wrong with my eyes.. well no.. i wasnt seeing dead people.. that would mean something wrong with my head.. but i couldnt kinda focus on objects..guess this is what happens when you spend too much time oggling at pretty gals.. but anyway, went to an optometrist who was like...man u have a real good depth of vision you should be playing basketball.. and i am like yeah rite you should have told this to me when i was 14..would have made a difference.. now lets get back to reality.. apparently i am afflicted with A STIGMA tism...and for me its definitely a stigma for i hate the idea of glasses.. and my power is not too much so i cant wear contacts...couldnt do anything but get the prescription and cry over it with a glass of beer.. shucks man.. how am i going to look with glasses.. already i look scary and this is going to make it worse.. well sorry folks, am a leo and i care about my looks however bad they are..after spending like 30 minutes at a optician trying to figure out a frame i decided on this rectangular frame and been wearing glasses since wednesday.. how do i look... dont ask.. i hate wearing glasses...

2005-10-07T21:01:00.000+08:00

I had like millions of fan mails these past four weeks cos i had not written in my blog.. well atleast i dreamt like that so i decided to atlease explain my absence over here and get some additional time.

Well too many reasons for not having had the time to pen down something here and these reasons include too much of

1. work - yeah still going strong and i might beat duracell one of these days with the stamina and energy
2. party - well how else can one beat duracell. you need to have the energy and the boosters and chasers assist
3. xbox - well need to take a break here
4. laziness - needs no further explanation
5. travel planning, shopping and travelling - going to india month end so the planning, buying gifts etc etc and also made a quick weekend/work trip to bangkok.

Whatever said, i have been neglecting this space and i have tons to write about including my escapades during my first to Bangkok, the quarrel at Simlim square, my reactions in reading this hyped up over romanticised, ready for a bollywood masala "five point something".. Ok, this one i must write about now... guess the author saw too many bollywood movies during his IIT days.. the book could have been much better.. I did laugh and emphathise with quite a few things in that book, but still i dont think the book does justice to what really happens.. i dont think bits and iit lives are much different except for the JEE that the bitsians didnt have to write, so i might not be well placed to comment about iit lifestyle but i dont think it would be too different. The book doesnt do justice to college days just cos the characters are the extremes of what one can find in the schools. Maybe i made the mistake of taking the book to be more realistic but after all it was fiction.. Just right out of a bollywood movie screen play what was missing was a few songs in the scooter and in the ice cream parlours etc.. i expected more.. my mistake..

The first time i saw her....

2005-09-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

Another rough week at work... looks like i have to look around for interesting things to happen. I started reading this novel one for my baby by tony parson. funny way of looking at life the book is. Interesting read. but while i was reading it, i came across this statement .. "the first time i saw her..." you know i have read so many books and each author invariably does this. whenever the main character in one of these novels sees his lady love for the first time, it always begins with "the first time i saw her".. i wonder why these authors have to follow this same standard way of introducing the girl.. in real life does it work like that? i mean i have had so many incidents of the first time i saw her.. She usually is in a jeans, or swim suit or a cool evening wear or a party dress depending on where i see them and each one of them looks awesome. So i stand or sit where i am and stare at this beauty and admire her curves and u know the usual.. well i dont begin running around trees and singing some bollywood number.. but then you know what i mean.. And then she would by some huge coincidence she would turn around look at me and wonder who this psycopath is or maybe give me a smile if i am really lucky.. But the next line in my biography would not be she walked towards him and asked him for a dance.. They usually turn around while I still stand there pondering how to approach this new lady of my dreams deciding on an action plan, and start talking to another guy or move away with that look i know your kinds you dirty asshole.. Well see this is reality.. wonder why no author write about these realities.. Guess i should!!!

2005-08-28T21:03:00.000+08:00

Sunday, Aug 28, 2005, 3:21 PM local time Singapore, what the heck am I doing in office on a Sunday afternoon? It’s not a long story. Well duh, this space is supposed to be for stories isn’t it? So am going to make the most of the few minutes I am now spending in office waiting for some answers from my other colleagues to whom some work has been delegated by jotting it down here.

it all started by my answering my mobile on sat morning. No body believed me when I told them that the mobile phones are the most intrusive things in the world. You can’t get a few minutes of peace without someone messaging you or calling you. Well that’s the cons of technology, but then one can’t live without being connected these days. Digressing, I am, I know... let me get back to the story. Its the usual man... have a new client and a quotation required ASAP cos of some developments that I cant divulge here without being sued for leaking confidential information. So let’s say, I just have to work this Sunday. Instead of spending my time playing Splinter Cell on the XBox, I am in office writing a proposal...

anyways, the best part of this weekend was WOMAD - The world of music and dance. This music festival in Singapore has been going on for 8 years and it’s held in the open air fort caning park. Last year, I was so new to Singapore and didn’t have the circle of friends that I have now and hence for want of company didn’t go to the show. This time around, I adopted a different strategy. I booked my tickets in advance, and also got a confirmation from Aparna and Vivek that they would be visiting along with Anupama and Ashish and another friend Divya. That was enough; the critical point in crowd building was reached. I spent the next few days passing on information that I am going to be in WOMAD with a bunch of friends and if my other contacts would like to join. You see this is the way you build interest, never divulge that you are going to be there with just two other people... :) You call person X and say you are going to some concert with some other friends. Tell Y that X would come in with ur other friends... and so on and so forth and last night I ended up going to the concert with like gang of friends including Bhavna, Arvind, Addie who brought along their coterie.

WOMAD was an eye opener in another way. Singapore is such a small place and in a gathering like this, you end up bumping into a bunch of friends and acquaintances. I ended up meeting like at least a dozen of my other acquaintances when I was running around trying to get in touch with this whole bunch that landed at different times at the concert. And to top it also had to arrange to meet this new acquaintance Justin whom I had met a couple of days back. He is moving to Singapore from the US and is a friend of my pal Rahul, and did not have a mobile phone yet. All this running around trying to get folks together while drinking beer and enjoying music and involuntarily scanning the area for pretty faces... I swear it tires u a lot. And I hadn’t even started dancing...

Well Womad was awesome overall although they only had Heineken and the spanish tapas bar kept running out of chorizos and paellas whenever I stood in the queue and also had to put up with people asking for "Pa yey LAs" .. instead of "PA yey yas"… Cant these people even learn to pronounce what they are eating?
Loved the performances of the group LIOR performing. they are awesome.. their music reminded me of pink floyd. There was this french band called Les Yeux Noir .. a sextet wth a blend of Gypsy and Yiddish music topped off with a dash of Jazz.. Whoever is reading this, try listening to these bands.. quite nice..

I also loved this srilankan troupe with Ravibandhu something.. reminded me of all those tamil movies where the priest in some temple starts playing this percussion instrument making some weird sounds..

After dancing to Apache Indian and hanging around for a bit after had to get home at around 1 am to get that needed sleep before heading to office and do what I am currently doing.. Well in another 2 hours I will be heading back to WOMAD for some more fun..

oh and by the way its two years since I landed in Singapore and they haven’t even offered me citizenship.. shucks, they don’t know what they are losing :)

2005-08-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

Parents.. i tell u.. sometimes they are are unpredictable.. i honestly dont know how to deal with them..

My dad u know he is this kind of guy who they call a simpleton. he can lead a happy life with the most simplest of luxuries. he would never use any of the new gadgets and if he buys any stuff he would pass it on to my sister or if its a guy thing, he just gifts it away. for instance, he still shaves using those old blades that cause so many cuts on your face. I tried getting him the new gillette sets and both times i got him they were gifted away.

I got him a bunch of shirts, a couple of cordless phones, a spygmomanometer (i hope the spelling is rite) , a blood sugar monitor, etc.. and all of them are either inside the cupboard rotting or with some thirdparty who got it as a gift. So in the end, i just gave up buying him stuff.. and now after 3 years, god knows why, he is like "my son never gets me anything"..

So i asked him what he would like and i was surprised when he actually asked me to get him stuff.. he never has done this.. well i am happy that he finally asked me.. he wants a nice wrist watch and hinted that he would like a camera.. so there you go have to find one the nicest watches in town and a good sleek digital camera

2005-08-14T21:05:00.000+08:00

29 years old in 2 days. Older, balder and no wiser than i was a year ago might not be the best way to start an entry here. but then truth cant be more bitter :) Honestly, some times i ponder if my anxiety in losing hair is worth it so late in life. i mean, i started losing hair when i turned 20. some articles indicate that losing hair can be attributable to high levels of testosterone, but honestly, i wonder, considering my life style during my undergrad days, i had anything close to high levels of teststerone. well lets not go there.. its much better that way.. but in any case, my hair loss only got aggravated after i started working and one could probably blame it on the stress factor and the extra chlorine in the american water system, but then there were hundreds of other immigrants who were having putting a good use of their testosterone, using the same chlorinised water and were probably as stressed as i was.. so u cant blame the chlorine in the water.

well, it all comes to genes my dear friends.. the dna that is the crux and all i can do about this is hope that this gene doesnt act on my kids this early :)) well lets cross that bridge when it comes.. For now, i am getting pissed about this hair of mine. All cos my mom’s wish to get my photo for the bride search that my parents are beginning to undertake. I didnt dare tell her about the blonde wig idea. knowing her, she would not care as she knows i wouldnt do such a thing. man i am being very predictable arent i. well anycase, my hair is now about 5-6 cms long and its in that stage of growth where ur head tends to resemble a porcupines and the bald spots are quite visible that any effort i make to cover them is nothing but a waste of time. In any case, i have decided that once i get my photgraphs taken with my hair, i am going back to my shaved head style which is so much cooler than this. Vanity..Devils gift to mankind..

Coming back to the issue of my turning 29, i have a strange feeling about this coming year. Somethings seem to indicate that this year is probably going to be the year of quite substantial changes in my life. the possibility that i will be single when i turn 30 are looking bleak although i wouldnt rule out the possibility that i might be able to celebrate 30 years of Solitude successfully :) the good part is i have now accepted this relaity and am becoming mentally prepared for any changes that my lifestyle would have to undergo.

I have decided that this probably being one of the last few months of my life that i am going to spend single, i am going to make the most of it. There is always a silver lining to every dark cloud isnt it.. and maybe it might not be a dark cloud after all.. optimism. god's gift to mankind.. i guess..

2005-08-09T21:09:00.000+08:00

This is probably the nth time some thing like this is happening to me and although i hate it, i still dont know how to deal with it. I am talking about this middle aged indian man/woman maybe i should say the uncle/aunty types.. who invariably either sits next to you, starts conversing with you when you are in a train or waiting for your friends at some movie or one of those who stays in the same apartment complex as you, or for that matter your even is your neighbour. Worst case is your relatives..one of the reasons i stay away..

They start off by asking you question after question as though they are an interrogator. It usually starts off like this..
Them : Are you from india?
Me: Yes
Them: how long you been here:
Me : Two years
Them: What do you do here
Me: Work
Them: Where do you work
Me: In Raffles (thinking man here it starts)
Them: In which company
Me: In a startup (why do u care?)
Them: What is the name
Me: Knowledge platform (dont u get the hint i dont want to talk.. cos i know where this is all heading)
Them: you live here with your family?
Me: No
Them: Where in india are you from?
Me: South
Them: Are you married
Me: No
Them: Parents looking?
Me: No (ok i lied on this one..)
Them: You moved to singapore from india?
Me: No..(please leave me alone...)
and it goes on and on and on like a duracell battery.. and i just give one word answers..I mean i dont mean it in a bad way, but if you want to interrogate someone go join the police force. Why the hell do u have to waste my 15 minutes in asking all these questions and why do they care anyway. The worst place where i was faced with such questions was believe me on the top of Eiffel tower. I had gone there with a friend of mine and we had just climbed the entire 800 odd stairs to the second level and we were enjoying the view when this indian uncle approaches us and he starts off with hi. i am an engineer from bangalore.. and then the questionnaire begins.. Well , who the hell cares.. i dont.. just enjoy the view.. if i wanted to talk to an engineer from bangalore i wouldnt be on top of Eiffel. i used to be one and i know where to find them.. It took me 10 minutes to extricate myself from that situation.

And last night, i was heading home around 10 pm after my usual long day at work and all i wanted to do was get in to my apartment, have a nice shower and read the latest issue of national geographic and what happenned, this curious uncle who apparently stays next door caught me in the lift and starts off with Where are you from.. Man and it took me 20 minutes to get into my house.. and dont these uncles get the hint when we give one word answers?

2005-08-05T21:10:00.000+08:00

Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement l'oublier
Et puis je fume

This lyrics from the song called Sympathique by this cool group Pink Martini.

Literally means "I do not want to work I do not want to lunch I want only to forget it And then I smoke"

Well honestly, right now i wish i could. Am swamped man.. just swamped and drowning in work. But as they say the "grass" is greener on the other side .. Pun definitely intended..

2005-07-31T21:11:00.000+08:00

Just another of my random thoughts. We make so many choices in our life which takes us in a particular direction and by making these choices we are closing the options on other routes that our lives could have possibly taken. Does the concept of hyperspace and the 4th dimension really exist where an image of us actually is making those choices and taking a different route. If so, this would mean there would be a an infinite number of hyperspaces all existing at the same time, cos we make a choice every other second of our life and sometimes its not just a yes no choice but a fuzzy one. Imagine the permutations and combinations, kinda scary. But interesting. Would be good if at the end of this life, we can get a DVD of the various hyperspaces and the routes taken and choices made and determine the best one. Well, just a crazy thought, but maybe such a possibility does exist?

p.s: am not drunk. just watched the movie Cube II the hypercube. thats all :)

2005-07-29T21:11:00.000+08:00

Thats 8 days since i have touched alcohol of any kind. Not even beer. Thats a new record for me if you consider the last 12 months. Neither do i believe i am a drunken asshole nor am i a alcoholic. Atleast i tend to think so. Who cares what others think anyway. When i am right everyone is wrong. end of story. yeah yeah am an egoist. atleast i accept it alrite. Now back to what i was talking about. no alcohol at all. you know beer has its advantages, it kinda gives u courage or u may call it vanity to do all kinds of crazy things that you might have not done if you were'nt drunk. It helps you shed that uptightness or maybe the fear. For instance, whenever i am drunk in a bar, i end up getting atleast one or two numbers from the girls there. But believe me i actually delete these numbers the next day. cos i am like if whoever gave me the number didnt realise i was drunk, then, they must have been drunk or they must be too easy. maybe am judgemental, but i dont like it when someone is easy. maybe i get a kick when i am kicked around by them lol. Well maybe they are not, but then, i dont believe in meeting someone in a bar. or maybe grapes or sour.. whatever!!!

2005-07-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

When they told me being an entrepreneur or working for a start up is no joke, i did believe them. yeah of course, its no joke, you get paid less and you are bettting on the upside and that is just the big picture. The detailed view is more horrific. you have to be a real master of all trades when it comes to execution. You ofcourse have a team around you but everybody is multitasking. Multi tasking.. now thats a big word!! They said, you have to multitask. but what they didnt say was multitasking would also involve taking up support calls at 2 am in the night and then again at 4 am.

man, i am getting screwed. not enough sleep and productivity is being affected cos i need to go down to the cofee shop every 3 hours :) well all this happenned cos the guy who was supposed to be here quit and now i am not only spending time doing the bullshit bingo work of strategists but the hardcore implementation work of taking support calls from some non internet savvy clients in the middle of the night.

guess its time i outsourced this work.

2005-07-24T21:13:00.000+08:00

Finally finished reading the latest harry potter. The plot is becoming darker and the latest story doesnt have the same charm as the previous ones. Stayed awake till early morning of Thursday to complete the book. It was worth it i should say. Apart from harry potter, my life last week has been boring as ever. Just too much work. had a couple of beers on thursday night and ended up running a temperature on friday and the weekend has been screwed.

I just got additional responsibility at work. Financial management of two business units. I kinda love this new responsibility but its gonna totally stretch me out. lets see how things work out the next few months. meanwhile, on the home front, mom and dad are not convinced about my bald head is the new fashion and are demanding a photo where i have some hair. I am like, mom, where am i gonna grow hair overnite? its not my problem that my genes were programmed to lose hair when i was 27. And how can i grown hair overnite. This sucks, no one wants to take the blame..The buck in this case is stopping at me where as i was the last person responsible for some genes that were just passed on. I swear, life is really unfair at times. Well i have had enough of this, i am going to get a blonde wig tomorrow and send them a pic. They didnt specify that the hair had to be natural,. they just wanted hair on my bald head, so problem solved.. :) i am sure next they are going to look at my tan lines which i got cos of spending hours on the golf coursem and say i have become dark. honestly, if the girl doesnt even know what a tan line is, i wouldnt wanna talk to her in the first place. So thats my sad update on the finding wife saga in kanags' life. wonder what is next!

Ballet under the stars...

2005-07-17T21:13:00.000+08:00

I am not an artistic guy. my friends would definitely vouch for that. I mean i like to have a good time and i dont think going to a carnatic music concert or a traditional dance was my idea of having fun. For one, i didnt understand what they were singing or what they were dancing about. It is different when you go to a rock concert. well u dont understand half of what that guy on stage is singing anyway, but u are half drunk and you are head banging so much to really not give a damn about what he is singing anyway. I have been to a few classical music concerts and i kinda like the violin, sax and the acoustic guitar. But i dont have the patience to sit through 4 hours of tabla. Anyway, i have been to a ballet show last year and kinda liked the dance so decided to go once more.

It was supposed to be a ballet under the stars. Well things didnt start of quite as planned. Whatever you plan, mother nature has her own game and soon it started drizzling. and out came all the umbrellas. And then it was a full rehearsal of the singapore national day parade and while we were waiting for the program to start, we were treated to some really cool display by the singapore F5s and some choppers followed by fireworks. And by now the rain stopped but this stupid chopper kept howering overhead. Although we ended up having a good time it was a ballet not under the stars but under the rain, with sound of the chopper setting the background music.

wastage - a simplified view

2005-07-12T21:14:00.000+08:00

Finally, I finished the Sambar i had cooked last monday. Well I actually did intend to cook some extra sambar when i prepared it last week so that i can have something to the next couple of days but then some bad timing and ratios created this fiasco where i had to endure the same sambar for 8 days. Why didnt i just empty it down the drain, no i am not a miser, but then i dont believe in wasting things. If there is one thing that i really really hate that is wastage. Everyday we seem to just waste tons of stuff. Order more than we can eat. i have seen guys going to buffet lunches and taking all that they can fill their plates with saying value for money and in the end waste more than 30% of what they took. Paper, tons of papers are being printed out each day in office and i doubt if atleast 50% of them is recycled. I mean, how many of us use the features in the printer to print double sided or print 2 sheets in a page? Water.. how many of us have set our flush to the optimal level, how many of us turn the tap off when we are brushing our teeth? Electricity. why is there a necessity to keep Air conditions on when you are not at home.. reason. oh i want the house to be cool when i enter. SUVs, and HUMVs.. guzzling gallons of gas.. i swear, i hate wastage.

Well i dont believe in starting another greenpeace or save trees organisation. there are enough out there and half of them are hardly effective. This all has to take place at grassroot level. How many of us can make resolution to not let water run when brushing teeth or shaving. How many of us can make a resolution to not waste food. how many of us can make a resolution to not waste paper when printing and even if we do, atleast put them in the recycle can. i am not perfect so i dont preach about things i cant follow. I read so much about animal farming and the pollution it causes and the wastage of resources in the farming, i pretty much bought into that and i tried to stop eating meat, I could not. So i wont be a hypocrite and preach about animal farming. but i dont let the tap run, i am judicious about what i print and i eat my sambar for 8 days instead of just throwing it in the drain.

Road to Baldness...starring me..

2005-07-11T21:15:00.000+08:00

An ode to myself.. I am definitely a narcissist!!! Well, someone in this world has to appreciate the fine things in life such as my receding hairline. Shouldnt they? :)

p.s: Am not stoned!

Strategies, Levers and Growth

2005-07-09T23:48:00.000+08:00

Strategies, Levers and Growth

It has been 7 months since i started as a senior management at this organisation. My job was increase revenues of products and solutions sales.. simple task. 7X7 is what i called this project. Cant get into details on this 7X7 project without breaching confidentiality laws. So i will avoid the details. The project seemed simple and easy. But it is not. I have spent hours and days and weeks understanding this market and the way my company has been functioning. The market is growing in double digits year on year. The company over the past two years has also grown in double digits actually close to triple digits. So growth is not much of an issue. The question is is this growth sustainable? We need to sustain this growth for the next 3 years to reach where i want it to reach. With the current model, this growth is not sustainable. So one big question is of sustainability of current growth.

Second question is the internal processes and operations. They are far from optimised leading to higher overheads and sometimes unprofitable projects. This is a huge issue and needs to be addressed now. However, this is being addressed from a bottom up approach rather than from a top down manner which is not good because this operations and process will have to be tied into the top line growth else we are going to have a disconnect when the organisation grows. How do i change this?

Third question is the organisation's infrastructure and resources. and this is by far the biggest stumbling block. organisations culture is very different. Some people i find are happy with status quo. This should not be the case. I had come up with some radical ideas of growth and repositiong the company which were given the boot because it deviated or created a new marketing category instead of a brand within a category. Well i understand that this organisation had in the past made some radical decisions and had almost gone bankrupt but we had biunced back and so people are being risk averse. So decided on a new strategy, use existing positioning and stretch it a little. This covers a little more space giving us extra value to capture. I sent a mail out to my colleagues yesterday proposing a new set of solutions that we can sell and new positioning, got to see what the feedback is going to be and i have to work on convincing them that this is something we ignore at our own peril.

Xbox Weekend

2005-07-07T23:44:00.000+08:00

It actually worked. I didnt go out partying and i spent 5 hours yesterday trying to move ahead in Halo2. Thats 100 bucks saved. Why am i being such a miser. well the story about why i bought the xbox is two posts down if u are interested.. the Game is not bad. although i am getting tired of all the shooting. Shooting the wrong bullets on a saturday evening.. man this sucks. but well the clubbing scene sucks anyway. yeah u guessed it rite, it sucks for losers and who the hell said i wasnt one anyway. assumptions are the mother of all screw ups if u ask me. never assume that the girl in the bar is smiling at me. dont ask me if i had got into any emabarassing situations, well i dont assume anyway

Spent 3 hours this afternoon on the XBOX again. have got stuck in this one checkpoint where these stupid oktopus looking things keep killing me. damn. its getting annoying. Wel i gotta figure a way out. till then adios amigoes.

2005-06-28T23:49:00.000+08:00

No seriously. My argument goes like this..Everytime i go partying on a weekend, i spend atleast 120 SGD on drinks and entry fees and if i get badly drunk, the morning of the next day is wasted. More importantly, if i get really drunk and if by any chance i strike up a conversation with some babe, you invariably end up buying her a drink or two and your bills hit the roof.

And how do you end up going to these bars? well usually your friends call you to join them and you tend to not find any excuses to not go. So in a month u spend atleast 300 bucks on such partying. and in the end u screw up your liver and the next day and the girl whom you bought drinks, well she just walked out the door of the bar with some other guy. so i just cant see an ROI on this whole excercise.

and then i had a brain wave, why dont i just waste this time and money doing something else, playing games.. and XBOX comes to the rescue. all i need to do is now not go partying for 3 weekends and i would have made up for the investment. and thats all strictly from the financial sense. moreover, i wanted to buy a dvd player and a music box. Xbox can be used to play dvds and music CDs. so thats really cool.

well i just rationalised my xbox that i purchased on such a spontaneous note that i had to look around for reasons. In any case, its a sunk cost, now i shud atleast not party for 6 weeks. got to get used to playing with the new game controllers.

Confessions of a guy who is being forced into arranged marriage -Part I:

2005-06-27T23:54:00.000+08:00

yeah rite this is going to be the talk of my blog for teh next few days. I am going to spend time researching this aspect of our society.

Cant believe this.. two days, two responses on the matrimony website.. But wonder why these two responses did not attach a photograph of themselves. I mean come on, shouldnt i see who is kinda responding to my "forceful" proposals.. forceful has to have a new meaning here.. A forceful proposal is defined as a proposal made my a man to a woman on compulsions.. Well anyways, my ego is getting a good swig of boost i swear!!!

One of them is a soft engineer and another is a teacher. but honestly their profiles lack any depth and wit.. I dont want to judge. But I just dont feel like doing this excercise. It feels so not right to look for a girl like u are picking up some fruit in a market. I aint judging anyone who has taken this route. Personally i just dont feel good about this.. am not convinced this is how things have to be.. i mean how do u do this.. see 100 profiles, mail 20 of them? and ask for pictures? do horo(r)scope matching?.. and talk to them.. why ask for pictures why talk.. and what is saturn on my 8th house gonna say about the venus in her 3rd house? What are u going to find out in the short time that u talk to each other? Absolutely Clueless is what i am

Meanwhile Mom doesnt have authority to log in to my accounts yet.. Last update i gave her was that no body wants to marry a bald head and hence i aint getting any responses. :-) This might be a valid reason to keep my head shaved as i have been doing for over an year.

2005-06-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

Last night in this apartment. One year and nine months in singapore and this is gonna be my 4th apartment. Well either i stay there for two more years till the lease ends or shit happens and i leave singapore. Either way, tomorrow night is gonna be in a new place. Man, packing is such a pain. Threw away so much stuff this morning. I wonder why it is that most of us end up accumulating all these crap and they just lie rotting in the different corners of the house till you decide to move. I found my long lost cheque books, the cuffs that i had been looking for for ages, and also one dead cockroach all dried up.

another interesting note: i finally succumbed to all my mom's pressure and agreed to post my pic and write up on shaadi.com and tamilmatrimony.com. Well i had a tough time figuring out what to write there cos its so damn different. i never wanted to go this route but then either i have to find someone by myself or face mom's wrath. so decided to give it a shot. God knows who would be crazy enough to reply to my post. will keep you posted :p. this is gonna be fun..

2005-06-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

Time again to move residences.. yep, i have found a new place and am moving out in 2 weeks. the new apartment has a balcony which is really cool and the apartment has a a wall which is just a huge long mirror. and the best part is i bargained the rent down to quite a good deal. :) right now, am making a list of things to do and packing things and unpacking them is going to be a mess.. this time, i am thinking of outsourcing this moving job to someone else. i guess its worthwhile use of my time doing other things.

u guesed rite, i havent been reading much these days and thats why not many philosophical statements out here. watched the last episode of star wars, it looked very much like a video game and a bollywood masala merged together especially the cheesy lines from queen padme talking like the heroine of indian movies. but being a star wars fan, it was worth a watch. missed watching madagascar. had to work on saturday and so didnt party this weekend. however made it up by going to this really cool golf course in malaysia for a full round of golf. hmm i seem to be making progress.. made 44 over. which is a drastic improvement from my almost 60+ overs.. and considering this is just my 4th golf game.. i am getting there.. need more practice.. the best part of the trip was the ferry ride from singapore to sebana cove, malaysia. the ferry passes through mangrove backwaters.. worth a trip.

2005-06-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

Me and my loudmouth.. My friends used to mention this almost everyday, that i always go around with one foot in my mouth and it is kinda funny when u visualise that, but trust me, you wouldnt be wanna doing that.

in any case, i have been partying hard these days and was out on friday nite till 3 am. Got up late on saturday morning and i am in the midst of a apartment hunt so had to go check out a few apartments. and i had like 3 hours time to spare between that and the evenings party. So decided to go to this foot reflexology and massage place in holland village. after an hour and half of bliss, i get out and then decide to call home. And what did i tell mom.. that i have just got out of a massage parlour. The next question that came from there was.. was it a gal??.. and i shud have just lied.. me the satyavrath, told her the truth and had to spend the next 15 minutes explaining that Masseuse are not necessarily prostitutes.. shucks man.. i swear. and its not all over.. i called her sunday morning only to be asked to send 30 copies of my latest photographs.. wonder if she is going to get me wife or a Masseuse.. didnt have the guts to ask her that..

2005-05-29T00:00:00.000+08:00

oh man. i am starting to become boring. No i mean it.. for instance, i was out partying this friday night. usually its me who asks girls to dance but this time, god know whatever the reason be, maybe cos i was wearing a suit.. and for some reason looked better, well dont ask me, i had a dinner to go to in business attire and then continued partying, so no time to change; Or maybe the lights in the bar were so down that this pretty girl didnt realise who she was dancing with. well in any case, this really cute girl started dancing with me and that too for almost 1/2 hour and me the dumbass that i am, didnt even ask her for a drink or get her number.. man, i am such a loser i swear..

2005-05-10T00:02:00.000+08:00

It has been 6 years since i left India. Flew west and now am on the east. Flying out of India those days, I told my family and friends, in Arnold' style. I'll be back. My parents gave me that look of good boy..we know you will be back, you are not going to be one of those who will find a blonde or a chinese and settle down there. Well i have proved them wrong on a hell a lot of other stuff but am yet to prove them wrong on this one. and my friends, were like, yeah rite i have heard this statement from a million others who probably have gone the same route. My mom told me that apparently, when i was a kid, i used to tell everyone that i will go abroad but i will come back to india because its my country. Guess i read too many patriotic books, and my dad was in the government as well so well it was bound to happen.

These 6 years, apart from having been in certain situations where some ignorant and imcompetent assholes comment on your skin colors, or refuse entry into a restaurant cos of the way you look, i havent ever felt the need to hide the fact that I am an Indian. The first time i actually had any thoughts or probably not living in India was when i visited bangalore and mumbai last year. you see over the past 6 years, my visits to india has been limited to visiting home and flying back to work. I wouldnt step out to party or meet friends when i am with my parents. So when i finally did that last year, i had the shock of my life. i mean it was a literal culture shock. The country i knew and grew up in had changed. People had cash and people were actually spending, the cars, the malls, the pubs, discos, the lifestyle, it had all changed, and i could see materialism creeping in. well its a growing society and the people have access to stuff and the quality of life had improved drastically.

But the only pain point of having Indian thing is the Visas. Damn.. man, the indian government is such a short sighted one. The only countries i can go without a visa are nepal, srilanka and thailand. I have to get a visa to every other country and it takes a hell a lot of time. Just today,i lost an opportunity to travel to brunei in business cos my visas wont be ready in time. Sometimes, these small issues make me think about dropping that whole indian citizen thing. but then at the end of it, its just a passing thought. Cos for whatever it be, i dont think i would like to be considered anything other than an Indian and I would definitely like to die as one. Maybe its sentimental, maybe its plain stupid, but i think standing in the queue for those visa's is probably worth it. i havent seen much of the world, and i havent lived in too many places, but honestly, there is no place like home and home for me is always India. And yeah, i am heading back in a few years. I am giving myself another 5 at the max!!!

2005-05-03T00:11:00.000+08:00

As i waited near the counter 14, terminal 1 Changi Airport on thursday, i was kinda thinking if the long planned holiday would finally materialise. I had planned this vacation about two months ago and needed it badly. hadnt taken a vacation in more than 9 months and i also desperately wanted a tan. dont ask me why.. just felt like getting one. well, coming back to the airport, the flight was to take off at 10 am and i had reached the airport by 8:15. So why the hell am i being so negative.. For one, I didnt have the tickets. They were with my friends who incidentally were stuck in traffic. I kept getting status reports every 10 minutes. At 9:15, i finally decided to ask the lady at the counter if i can get a ticket on the next flight if my friends couldnt make it. She said "yes u can but it will be additional 50 SGD per person".. At this point of time, i would pay anything to get me on the holiday. But luckily, i didnt have to, my friends arrived at 9:30 and we finally boarded the aircraft after buying about 6 bottles of scotch and vodka and wine.

Finally, On my way to Bali.. I had never been to this tropical paradise and was looking forward to the trip. The flight was incident free except for the orange juice that i spilt on my shirt. Guess my hands weer not willing to hold non alcoholic drinks on holiday. They were perfectly fine when i hold a beer can. The hindu meal turned out to be disaster, it had nothing but some rice and capsicums dipped in what looked and tasted like tomato ketchup. After the flight landed in jakarta, i was eagerly looking forward for the free beer on the next flight from jakarta to denpasar, bali. Unfortnately, my luck ran out, it happenned to be a domestic flight and incidentally no alcohol. Well anyways, read "the fine balance" by rohinton mistry as the flight cruised and landed in bali.

After the customs official in the airport kinda strip searched thankfully only our bags, we stepped out and started looing for the hotel guy who is supposed to pick us up. We were looking for a board which was supposed to have the name SID in it, but for some vague reason they decided to call my friend SAD. so after taking a sad picture with the name boad, we were on our way to the resort. Our resort in Nusa dua turned out to be pretty cool. The food was quite good and so were the rooms. They were huge.

The next couple of days were fun. I finished my book, got a tan, saw a volcano, bought a couple of face masks, took in some nice scenery, learnt about some balinese traditions, got two massages for 4 hours in total in the same day, searched for an indian restaurant in bali and had food, had a good time bargaining for items, saw the sunset at Tanah lot, a temple on the beach, exposed 48 frames in my canon, finished 2 bottles of scotch, half a bottle of bacardi and half a bottle of vodka, tried postponing the trip back, bought another chivas regal on the way into singapore and started planning on the next long weekend - a trip to malacca perhaps.

What they teach you and what you learn at BSchool

2005-04-26T00:12:00.000+08:00

I noticed this guest column by Ms. Aparna Piramal, harvard graduate 2002 and executive director, BP Ergo of the piramal group india in rediff.com. What intrigued me was that it was titled "B-Schools dont teach Courage". Well to be blunt, i thought it was a funny and in way imperceptive. I mean why would you need to go to B-Schools to learn Courage!! So i decided to check out what is inside the article. Some statements stood out

1. B-schools have limitations. The first is innovation and entrepreneurial ability.
2. they cannot make an entrepreneur out of a manager
3.The second trait that B-school does not teach you is courage. I think as a professional or an owner/manager, more than risk-taking ability, you need the sheer courage to defend your decisions.

I mean. honestly, if u ask me, I can refute each of these statements. Me.. a manager, a person who used to think twice, nay thrice before doing anything risky. INSEAD changed my outlook on life. I decided to not take a full time job and even with huge loans and i dont come from a family like ms. piramal's, i decided to go the entrepreneurial route. So they did make an entrepreneur out of a manager. B-schools dont teach you to be innovative. definitely. innovation is a trait that is inbuilt in you as a person. Innovation can be nurtured not created and taught. A good b-school nurtures innovation. They have the ecosystem that helps an innovative person launch a company. If Harvard doesnt have that, tough luck to the harvard grads. Second of all, about making entreprenuers from managers. This my dear friends depends on your fellow mba students. Their attitudes and experience will make you think. You learn!!! They provide you with the impetus to make a change. So its the ecosystem that makes the difference, not the classes or the professors or the case studies or the lectures. You meet real businessmen, you meet real entrepreneurs and you live 1 or 2 years with your fellow students and their lifestyle, that makes the change.. not anything else

About the aspect of Courage. Man, i dont need to tell this. I dont think any school can teach you courage to face up to your decisions. If you make a wrong decision, if you dont have the guts to face up to it, you are not worthy of being a leader or a capitalist. If you dont have the courage to ask for help, you are not a good leader, well you dont know your limitations. a good leader knows his/her limitations and knows how to build a team around him/her to support and complement. The courage is not taught, its cultivated. its ridiculous to expect any school , forget b-schools to teach you to be courageous.
Lastly she speaks about how B-schools should teach about HR processes and sales processes. I mean, what do b-schools, the top ones stand for. They stand for creating LEADERS. They are not schools that strive to teach a manager or an executive how to do accounting and how to set up a HR process. Why do they expect one to have 5-6 years of experience. they expect this so that this person knows what it is to be in an organisation and what the hr process is and sales process is. If all you care about is best practices, you have tons of books out there, you dont need a harvard or insead mba. All in all, You dont get TAUGHT in a b-school. you LEARN. I am surprised that a harvard mba wants to be taught!!!
Well, if this is what they TEACH you at HARVARD, i definitely made a good decision to LEARN at INSEAD.

2005-04-24T00:25:00.000+08:00

The world is full of hypocrites.. Expecially the governments.. I was looking at the past few weeks when the chinese have been targetting japan for their past war atrocities. I also had some talks with some of my chinese friends. Almost all of them seem to hate Japan and Japanese one way or the other. I mean this is ridiculous. Half these guys dont even know that Japan had apologised 17 times in the past and once even when the emperor visited beijing. They all conveniently try to forget the 30bn$ of aid japan has given to china and the help it provided in constructing the airports in china. This is called selective memory or rather the government's hypocracy. And the chinese govt, it never talks about the atrocities it commited in vietnam, nor about the "great" Mao's atrocities in the cultural revolution, or about Tibet..

well it doesnt end there.. what about the usa's never forthcoming apology on the nuclear bombs. or for that matter, how many indians know about how india annexed sikkim.. Well its all there to see and everyone tries to change history to fit their needs. Hypocrites..

2005-04-14T00:26:00.000+08:00

A lot of times, people my generation ask me if i made a huge mistake quitting my old job at Infosys and in deciding to take a huge loan denominated in Euros and doing an mba. Some look at me so strange when i tell them i am getting a lower pay with my current job. And there are some who appreciate the fact that i am taking a risk that they would not be able to take. Why, even my parents last week were not sure what i am doing with my life. My mom is like, "u were a project manager earning 60K usd a year in 2002 and last year you went to do research at your college and this year, you are in some small company earning less than 40K usd a year". Well the answer is simple.. Happiness!!!!

Honestly, i understand when my parents ask me these questions cos she is from a different generation. My dad used to be behind me until 1997 to get into the Indian administrative service. i mean, he is a deputy superintendent of police in the indian government and man, the respect and power he has at this position is quite amazing. I never can get that position of power in the private sector for sure. But he is a honest individual and i know how many times he has been walked over. I understand when he wanted me to get a "Secure" job with the government sector in the mid-early 90's cos the indian economy was different. he stopped nagging me when he saw me do well in Infosys. he understood that the private sector is here to stay and then there were stories of the millionaires in infosys. so he was quite happy to watch me become one. well not really.. he anticipated that i wud become one.. there is a huge difference u see.

Did i love my job at Infosys. well honeslty i did.. else i wudnt have stuck on for five years. But then, what do you do after 5 years.. you are basically a project manager and then become a account manager. Its not a life i can be content with.. See that is the huge difference!!!! My parents wouldnt understand this.. They want me to be secure. So they are not sure what i am doing in a startup. My friends on the other hand, who ask me this question as to why i left a job that was well paying and had passport to riches thru the options that i lost when i quit, the guys who are in the same generation as me, should well understand the difference between money vs happiness. What frightens me is that lots of people out there are just behind the huge $$$.. Well i am not saying everyone who sticks on to what they do is behind it. Some are just content with what they do. thats their prerogative. and i dont question that at all! I see a bunch of people who hate what they are doing but stick on because they like the $$s that they get. I am denying money is a passport to do a lot of things. for instance i love to travel and i just cant do that if i dont have the $$. but i am not willing to stake my everyday existence to getting that huge $$ to have fun for a few days. I honestly am much happier with what i get and more importantly with what i am doing and i am sure that what i am doing is going to hit the jackpot sooner than later for that long awaited trip around the world..

2005-04-13T00:27:00.000+08:00

Things to do.

1. Update this blog regularly and that too with stuff thats interesting. have been having a few complaints that my blogs have become boring. Well what can i do. after i started working full time, my life has kinda become stale. I love my work and am having a helluva time doing what i am supposed to be doing, which when i come to think of it is quite fuzzy.. well thats work..
2. Close all my credits. Well this seems to be a long shot. I just screwed up my credit rating in the usa. I forgot to pay the bill for the past 3 months and they have suspended my Platinum Visa Card with a credit limit of 10K USD.. before i could withdraw that money and run away to seychelles.. Shucks!! how much worse can it get. So i called these guys up and asked them to review the suspension and that i have paid my dues. Well they asked me tons of questions on my last job, current job etc. and then it stuck me.. shucks, i have taken a huge pay cut by quitting my old job and doing this mba and moving to singapore. Well for a second i was like dude why did u do it. And then the next second, i kicked myself in the butt.. Well it was worth it!!! and am sure i am leading a better quality life now. Anycase, i need to get this card unsuspended..And yeah, i have to pay all my credit dues.
3. Play more Golf. Well last evening went and registered for the second set of lessons to improve my game. I would definitely want to reduce the hours i spend looking for lost balls and ensure that no more balls go into the water hazard. I swear, these golf courses do know how to make money of these balls. They make us lose these balls and then collect them and sell them as second hand balls.. well wise guy!! as if no one knew.. see this is what i meant.. my blogs are becoming boring!!! i am just giving useless facts which everyone already knows. Well how about this.. did u know that it might be a good idea to attach a RFID to the golf balls and it makes finding golf balls easier. I would definitely buy one such set provided the balls that go into the water hazard have a way of getting back to the surface and on to the greens when i call for them.
4. I am supposed to do this painting for my office which i havent yet started on. Man!! i swear i am becoming lazy
5. Get a new maid for the house. This is becoming a real pain. I just want someone to iron my clothes. there are tons.. And i desperately need a new collection. All my shirts are too big for me now.. hehe!! i lost weight and the shirts are huge.
6. Finish my books. I havent read a new book in a month and a half.. and i dont even watch tv. god knows where i am spending the time.
7. Think of more To dos.. I am sure there are tons i am missing.. let me see what else..

2005-04-11T00:51:00.000+08:00

Yaaay!!! I finaly got a par!!! This morning hit the golf course with a few friends and after starting off badly, on my sixth hole, took the 3 wood and after taking a deep breath, took a swing and ball was a little wide off the green. A chip, not bad one though got the ball within 10 meters of the hole and then the putt of the year!! a curve to the hole.. There was my par!!!

tiger woods gonna be watching me soon on the masters i guess.. lol..

2005-04-04T00:52:00.000+08:00

Its 1:00 AM. Can't sleep yet. How can i? After i spent the last two days on accounts. First, I set up Microsoft Money. I used to maintain all my accounts on MS excel. But, spreadsheets have their limitations and you just cant go over a limit. One of my colleagues was mentioning that he uses Money and so i decided to check it out from this month and so spent the good part of yesterday setting it up. It looks good but in the end, i dont feel good at all. How can i? I have like a mountain of debt staring at me in my face. Thanks to the mba loan and the 7-8 months of entpreneurial outlook which meant i was living on credit cards :p Well it aint that bad actually, but a lot of my plans such as learn flying, go travelling around the world, learn sailing etc might have to be put on hold. Or.. i might as well default on my loans and run away to some south american country or better still, go back to India and fall at a politicians feet and become the adopted son.. I have a feeling the third option might work out to be the best. I mean, what else can i do. Even my parents, who seem to be on my back all the time, pestering me to get married are not helping. No,i aint asking them for money. i will never!. Since they have been pestering me to get married and to fo meet those match made girls that they might find for me, i asked them to focus on finding a girl who is the only daughter of a really rich dad. But they dont seem to like that idea.. Well in that case, i think i ought to become the adopted son of a politician and go for it!!! :p well it seems to be the trend nowadays anyway..

The other issue is this accounts and filing tax for this alumni association of which i am the treasurer. Man, i have been sitting on this for ages and when i finally open it , i figure that there is tons missing and i sat the whole afternoon and evening today breaking my heads of accrual accounting and cash flows and still i am not balancing my books. Shucks!! i am screwed and i am just a week away from filing these papers. god knows what i am gonna do. maybe just write these off as extraordinary losses? lol.. unfortunately the balancing amount seems to be atleast 25% of the surplus.. so i cant just write it off.. the worst thing is on cash based accounting it all makes sense, the moment i try to do the accrual based method, its all breaking lose.. No wonder i didnt make a good grade in my accounting classes..

well anyways, a long week ahead!! Too much work to be done, not just at work! that sucks doesnt it :p

2005-03-26T00:53:00.000+08:00

Sometimes life seems like it has come to a standstill. It is like you are kinda like a car stuck in mud. The more you try to rev up, the more deeper the wheels sink in the mud. And you sit down and wonder what the hell you did that got you in this slimy mudhole in the first place. And other times, life tends to move in such high speeds that you seem to be like a tape in the fast forward mode. right now, I am in the fast forward mode.

It reminds me of the roadside hoardings back in India that say Speed Kills or the one in singapore that says Speeding Overturns lives. Well I wonder if they are all applicable to this scenario. Man, things are moving so fast with work that i am running hard to catch up with it.

Time is something that i had lots in hand the past one year. Nowadays, I just dont seem to have time to just sit and chill at home. Well its not all work definitely, but something or the other seems to be happening and i am out doing something fun. Like last weekend, met up with some long lost pals from my insead days and this weekend, it was the turn of some bitsian pals and my getting drunk in new asia bar last night was another story..

And I have tons of travelling to do this year. Have to plan them and book tickets. confirmed travel to Bali end of April. In September will hit london for 2-3 days. Going to be in San Fransisco in October and plan to be in India for Diwali. That will be a long trip. Will also have to travel to Pakistan and Delhi on work.. i am taking over as the new peacemaker... yeah rite!! imagine that.

2005-03-16T00:54:00.000+08:00

Yaaay!!!! I am almost famous!!! No really.. Take a look at the new book Managing Businss in Asia : Entrepreneurship by Chris Boulton and Professor Patrick Turner of INSEAD. Apart from a bunch of INSEAD Graduates who have become entrepreneurs you will find the one and only moi mentioned in the last page as a budding entrepreneur!!! and very importantly u will find Kanags Surendran listed in the index as well :p

man..whether my venture is successful or not, atleast a bunch of people will have known my wierd name.

btw.. Working my butt off but its fun!!!

2005-03-14T00:56:00.000+08:00

When it comes to irrational behaviour, I guess i have not learnt from my past mistakes. Even though i tell myself this wont happen next time, i somehow end up making the same mistake. Well maybe thats why they term it irrational behaviour, however hard you try to rationalise it. You know what i am talking about. The first time i made such a collosal error that ended up screwing my head for 6 or more months was in the last year of my college life. When you look back at those days, you cant but imagine how immature i was. Not that i am any better now, but definitely 8 years should have definitely bought in some changes in the way my brain processes information, apart from the receding hairline, atleast i tend to believe that. Thats what they call experience i guess, the brain building new networks to process information better.

Anyways, the undergrad years were really immature. Looking back, you cant help but laugh at the follies of the immature heart trying its best to win over another. It was not fun then. everytime you see the girl of your dreams, you tend to go up singing alongside Rajesh Khanna all the way up to Darjeeling. I dont remember if i ever had read that book by Alistair Maclain that Sharmila Tagore was holding during that song in Aradhana. And the best part was, the girl of your dreams used to change with every new batch that joins the college. Well, i tried and i tried, but i get no satisfaction.. sing to the tune of the song by rolling stones.. I still remember the first time i actually asked a girl out.. It was a bet made by my friends that i didnt have the guts to ask a girl out. Well those of you who knew the india of early 90s, especially those who grew up in the middle class, in those years prior to the cable tv revolution which taught a hell a lot to those guys 4 years our juniors that the generation gap between us and them was more like 15 years will understand the scenario. Anyways, i did ask this girl out, but my negotiation skills were so poor then. I should have bet on the my asking the girl out and not on the results.. Anyways, i had to cough up my dads hard earned money in paying for the dinner to my friends since i didnt get the girl out on a date. Things changed then on.. Atleast i didnt lose any more bets and although i did ask girls out, those dates were hardly romantically inclined until my 3rd year.

I fell head over heels with this cutie in school and days were spent on contemplating song and imagining yourself to be the hero in dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge.. yeah it was 1996.. man, those days were fun.. i still remember my friends recording all my blabberings when i got drunk one evening. Anyways, it started off well, but then the immaturity did play a huge role in sinking that ship.. Looking back, i doubt if that ship ever sailed. you know, the girls are very good at giving confusing signals and we guys are so damn good at reading it absolutely the wrong way. guess we are just wired up that way.

Anyways, stayed away from the irrational behaviour for ages after that. no, not the fear of rejection, but it took me about a year to get over the first mistake. i told u i was immature. And life got busy with working 15 hour days and pubbing and trying to lose the weight gained drinking beer, staying away from my parents who were busy trying to get me hooked up, trying hard to get into an mba, getting into an mba, trying hard to get a job and the usual life's tricks. Man, cant imagine i never even thought of asking any girl out, let alone falling in love during those 5 years. Guess it was a long sabbatical..

Singapore changed that.. Irrationality caught up. comeon it was lying dormant for 5 years and it had a lot of work to catch up on. Cant blame it can you? Well it just happened to happen as all things do. and it ended as all things do.. To quote her, nothing lasts for ever.. which is kinda true anyway. And my life was going nowhere with my career in doldrums.. End result, you find a cynical me emerging.. I have become quite cynical you know.. I never thought i could ever be cynical. my friends would hardly believe that that part of me could ever exist. Even I didnt, but i realised it does. And hey, thats part of growing up right..especially when you are kinda caught in your quarterlife crisis. you dont know where u are headed, what you are doing, if thats the right thing etc.. and you start to read all kinds of crazy books and try to be a philosopher trying to create a new paradigm.. Hell i could be the next Ayn Rand you know, forget the fact that she spent the last years of her life in an asylum, i probably might spend the rest of mine there anyway.

I had told myself, i had better things to do in life than making any further irrational mistakes and what do i do, the next year dawns and i ask someone out on the second day of the year. Well atleast i didnt make a resolution that i wont on new years eve. And What am i doing writing about my irrational behaviour and follies the third month of the year.. Well you should have guessed by now.. I think its time I stopped the irrational behaviour from recurring... Yeah rite, knowing me, i would be making a similar post in the next couple of months..:-) Some things never change and some people never learn.. do they?

2005-03-06T00:57:00.000+08:00

Finally, I played a 9-hole round of golf this saturday. Actually, i finally purchased a set of golf clubs for 400 bucks last week and decided its time to hit the golf course. So this saturday morning joined my friend and hit the local 9 hole golf course. The end result, a bad play and 6 lost balls.. but it was fun..

Tee off.. the pressure is on you to perform because u have a bunch of guys waiting behind you to tee off. The first hole was a par 5 and difficulty index of 14 i think. Well, as the index goes lower, the hole is tougher. Anyways, first swing with a 1 iron and i was hoping the ball will fly over the hill on to the otehr side of the fairway and all it did was pop a 100 meters down.. Shiit!!!.. Well it took me 2 more shots to clear this side of the fairway and 2 more to reach the green. But surprisingly i putted well and got 4 over for this hole. And so it went. Hole 2 cost me 2 balls. Lost them in the ponds. Hole 5 cost me another. God knows where the ball went. The best part of the round was the hole 6 which was a Par 3. One drive with the number 3 driver and i was on the green. i almost got a Par chance but screwd the putt and got a 1 over. Well that was my best hole of the day. Hole 7 and 8 cost me 2 more balls.. And I didnt finish hole 9 because i lost the last ball i had somewhere and i could find it :)

All in all , irrespective of the lost balls, i finally hit the course and had a good time. Just need to learn to relax at the course.. Got to hit the driving range though. need to practice a lot with the woods.

2005-02-23T00:58:00.000+08:00

The most costliest drink i have ever had. It definitely was. It usually would have cost me around 80 singapore cents. Teh Halia as the locals call it here. Translated, it literally means Ginger Tea. I used to hate tea. But then nowadays, i take tea as well, thats another story. Talking about the costliest drink, let me see how much it cost me

1. A cab drive to HP Customer service center - 7 SGD
2. Express Service - 60 SGD. Well this was waived later because they took more than 2 hours
3. Cost of replacement keyboard - 47 SGD.
4. Beers that i had to take while waiting for the call from service center - 35 SGD
5. Lost time due to inability to work - 4 hours - 200 SGD
6. Cost of cigarettes smoked due to this factor - 3.5 SGD
7. Damages due to unnecessary stress and extra cigarettes on my health- immeasurable, atleast for now.. When i figure this out will revisit this account.

Therefor, the tangible cost of this drink was a total of 292.50 SGD. Yeah you guessed it right, i spilt the tea on my laptop.. Luckily, had the quick thinking to use some paper tissues and absorb the spill from the keyboard before it could drip onto the motherboard below. Else the drink would have cost me 1292.50 SGD at the least.. Whew!!!

2005-02-21T00:59:00.000+08:00

You know, there is a lot of similarities between being an entrepreneur and climbing an escalator, the one that is going the wrong way. Every step you take, it pushes you two steps behind.

Well, that is definitely a statement made by me and no one else.. If..nay, when i become famous, it should go down as one of my quotable quotes.. And come on, now dont give me shit about it being stupid... I said it.. how else can it be described.